短文寫作得分術

1、短文寫作得分術對于即將參加高考的同學，再短期內提高短文寫作的 水平至關重要。想要提高自己書面表達的分數(shù)，就要針對高 考的命題特點進行有效的訓練。湖北卷“短文寫作”要求考 生根據(jù)英文提示，結合一個具體事例，寫一篇話題作文。針 對這一命題特點，在寫作時要注意以下幾點：定主題。首先要讀懂“提示語” ，鎖定寫作“話題” 。以 免跑題或偏題。列大綱。確定每段要寫的主題句，做到心中有數(shù)。定時態(tài)。針對每段不同的特點，選用不同的時態(tài)。 寫美文。在行文的過程中，注意長短句的結合，過渡詞 語和高級詞匯的使用。細檢查。 仔細檢查全文看是否有錯， 盡量避免低級錯誤。下面以我們訓練的一篇短文為例來進行講解。 請根據(jù)以下

2、提示，并結合你生活中的一個事例，用英語 寫一篇短文。A man who fears suffering is already suffering from whathe fears.注意：無須寫標題； 除詩歌外，文體不限； 內容必須結合你生活中的一個事例 ; 文中不得透露個人姓名和學校名稱 ; 詞數(shù)不少于 120 詞，如引用提示語則不計入總詞數(shù)。 提示 這篇短文的落腳點應該是勇于面對任何困難，不 要逃避。 寫這種半開放式的作文， 比較保險的寫法是三段式： 第一段提出觀點， 一般用現(xiàn)在時態(tài) ;第二段講述一個故事來說 明論點，多用過去時態(tài) ;第三段回應開頭，升華主題，通常使 用現(xiàn)在時態(tài)。我們先來看

3、看兩篇習作：It is universally acknowledged that life is like a road ， which is filled with ups and downs. Sometimes we will fear suffering ， but on the contrary ， what we fear are more likely to happen. So the key to it is to face it with courage.When it comes to that ， I can still well remember that ther

4、e was a time when I was seven years old ， I was asked to learn to ride a bike. Before that ， I never get in touch with it and wasnt familiar with it as well. Owing to my fear ， I couldn t learn it well after long time. Later ， It was what my father told me that fear was of no use that woke me up. Wh

5、at I should do was to face it bravely. Following the advice ， I became more confident regardless what was in store for me. As a consequence ， I succeed. In my opinion ， we cant know what will happen to us.But it is no use fearing it. Only by facing life with courage can we make a difference.點評 這篇屬于第

6、五檔作文，得分為 26 分。這位同學 在第一段能用短短幾句闡明觀點，同時靈活運用各種句式， 如主語從句和定語從句。而 on the contrary ， to face it with courage 等短語的使用又增加了文章的亮點。第二段清楚地 敘述了一個故事，但舉例缺乏新意。這位同學在敘述中有意使用了多種句式。但第處的there was a time when 用得不貼切。 這里可以直接用 when 引 導的時間狀語從句，從句時態(tài)用過去完成時。第處使用了 強調句。主語從句和賓語從句，但為了追求復雜的句子結構 反而出了錯。這里應該把that fear was of no use去掉。第處和第

7、處時態(tài)不對。第處應用過去完成時had never got更好，第處可以用過去時或現(xiàn)在完成時。第三段用三句話 升華主題： Only by facing it with courage can we make a difference. 倒裝句用得恰到好處。Life is always full of ups and downs. We always get into trouble and meet what we fear. However ， sometimes fearness can beat us and gives us much more puzzles. Thus， what w

8、e should do is to overcome the fear and fight against the sufferings rather than give in the fearness. Here is a typical example concerning my own experience.I still remember the time when I learned how to swim. At first ， I couldn t swim without the help of others and I was afraid of going to the p

9、ool where the water was deep. Besides ， I only could stay at the bank of the pool. When my father saw me ， he wanted me to swim alone. So he told me to hold my breath in the water and I followed his advice. But in the water ， I felt terrified and couldn t breathe at all. Suddenly ， I was out of cont

10、rol and become more and more afraid. On that condition ， my father helped me and encouraged me to overcome the fearness. In this case ， I made up my mind and forgot my feaness. To my surprise， I should make it and be able to swim.When you are in trouble ， dont beafraid. Try to beat what you fear and

11、 you II make it.點評 這篇屬于四檔作文，得分為 20 分。這位同學能 夠結合事例，比較清楚地表達自己的觀點，但是句式和語言 都不夠豐富。1. 第句中短語用法有誤， 且錯誤地將 fear 名詞寫成了 fearness, 應該是 give in to the fear。fight against the sufferings 有誤，根據(jù)英文提示語此處應改為 fight against the fear 。綜 上，把這一部分改為 fight against the fear rather than give in to it 更好。2. 第處作者較好地使用了倒裝句和非謂語動詞。 話題

12、 引入自然。3. 第處， on that condition 使用不當，改為 at that moment 更為貼切。而且為了句式的豐富建議將這句話改為 強調句 it was at that moment that my father helped me 。4. 第處 I should make it 應改為 I should have made it. 這里的意思是“我那時候竟然做到了” 。對過去某次行為感 到驚訝應為 should have done ，對現(xiàn)在或一般情況的意外才用 should do 。5. 第處也是本文的一個閃光點， 不僅恰如其分地點了 題，而且很有氣勢。盡管看起來本文的

13、缺點似乎多于優(yōu)點，但是因為寫作的 目的就是在于用能夠被人理解的話語來傳遞作者的思想。這 篇習作很好地完成了題目的要求，且所舉實例也很恰當，由 此我們可以判斷這篇習作較好地完成了寫作任務。但因為句 式變化不多，也沒有出現(xiàn)較為高級的詞匯和句型，所以得分 只能是第四檔中稍低一點的分數(shù)。Life can t be perfect ， as suffering is always an unavoidable part of it.Once upon a time ， I was a shy girl and feared mistakes especially in public. At the be

14、ginning of my English class ， I always kept silent to avoid being laughed at for any mistake ， while some “shameless” girls could never be quiet in the class. I sometimes even felt shameful for them. However ， with time going by， my English was going from bad to worse ， while theirs better and better. When my class master realized this ， he came to my assistance and told me ， “ A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears. Be brave ！” From then on ， I began to open my mouth and open my h