LoveisaFallacy原文

1、LoveisaFallacyLoveisaFallacyMaxShulman1 CharlesLamb,asmerryancenterprisingamonthofSundaysenterprisingamonthofSundaysafellowasyouwillmeetinamonthofSundaysamonthofSundaysunfetteredtheinformalessaywithhismemorableOldChinaandDreamsChildren.TherefollowsaninformalessaythatventuresevenbeyondLambsfrontier,i

2、ndeed,informalmaynotbequitetherightwordtodescribethisessay;limporflflaccidaccidorpossiblyspongyareperhapsmoreappropriate.2 Vaguethoughitscategory,itiswithoutdoubtanessay.Itdevelopsanargument;itcitesinstances;itreachesaconclusion.CouldCarlyleCarlyledomore?CouldRuskinRuskin?3 Read,then,thefollowingess

3、aywhichundertakestodemonstratethatlogic,farfrombeingadry,pedanticdisciplinepedanticdisciplineisaliving,breathingthing,fullofbeauty,passion,andtrautraumama-AuthorsNote4CoolwasIandlogical.Keen,calculating,perspicaciouperspicacious s,acuteacuteandastute-astute-Iwasallofthese.Mybrainwasaspowerfulasadyna

4、mo,aspreciseasachemistsscales,aspenetratingasascalpelscalpelAnd-thinkofit!-Iwasonlyeighteen.5 Itisnotoftenthatonesoyounghassuchagiantintellect.Take,forexample,PeteyButch,myroommateattheUniversityofMinnesota.Sameage,samebackground,butdumbasanox.Aniceenoughyoungfellow,youunderstand,butnothingupstairs.

5、Emotionaltype.Unstable.Impressionable.Worstofall,afaddistfaddistFads,Isubmitsubmitaretheverynegationofreason.Tobesweptupineverynewcrazethatcomesalong,tosurrenderyourselftoidiocyjustbecauseeverybodyelseisdoingit-this,tome,istheacmeofmindlessness.Not,however,toPetey.6 OneafternoonIfoundPeteylyingonhis

6、bedwithanexpressionofsuchdistressonhisfacethatIimmediatelydiagnosedappendicitisappendicitisDontmove,Isaid.Donttakealaxativelaxative. .Illgetadoctor.7 Raccoon,hemumbledthickly.8 Raccoon?Isaid,pausinginmyflight.9 1wantaraccoonraccooncoat,hewailed.10Iperceivedthathistroublewasnotphysical,butmental.Whyd

7、oyouwantaraccooncoat?11 1shouldhaveknownit,hecried,poundinghistemples.1shouldhaveknowntheydcomebackwhentheCharlestonCharlestoncameback.LikeafoolIspentallmymoneyfortextbooks,andnowIcantgetaraccooncoat.12Canyoumean.Isaidincredulouslyincredulouslythatpeopleareactuallywearingraccooncoatsagain?13AlltheBi

8、gMenonCampusarewearingthem.Whereveyoubeen?14Inthelibrary,Isaid,namingaplacenotfrequentedbyBigMenonCampus15Heleapedfromthebedandpacedtheroom,Ivegottohavearaccooncoat,hesaidpassionately.Ivegotto!16Petey,why?Lookatitrationally.Raccooncoatsareunsanitary.Theyshed.Theysmellbad.Theyweighttoomuch.Theyreunsi

9、ghtly.They-17Youdontunderstand,heinterruptedimpatiently.Itsthethingtodo.Dontyouwanttobeintheswim?18 No,Isaidtruthfully.19Well,Ido,hedeclared.Idgiveanythingforaraccooncoat.Anything!20Mybrain,thatprecisioninstrumentprecisioninstrumentslippedintohighgear.Anything?Iasked,lookingathimnarrowly.21 Anything

10、,heaffirmedinringingtones.22Istrokedmychinthoughtfully.ItsohappenedthatIknewwheretosetmyhandsonaraccooncoat.Myfatherhadhadoneinhisundergraduatedays;itlaynowinatrunkintheatticbackhome.ItalsohappenedthatPeteyhadsomethingIwanted.Hedidnthaveitexactly,butatleasthehadfirstrightsonit.Irefertohisgirl,PollyE

11、spy.23IhadlongcoveteccovetecP011yEspy.Letmeemphasizethatmydesireforthisyoungwomanwasnotemotionalinnature.Shewas,tobesure,agirlwhoexcitedtheemotionsbutIwasnotonetoletmyheartrulemyhead.IwantedPollyforashrewdlycalculated,entirelycerebralcerebralreason.24Iwasafreshmaninlawschool.InafewyearsIwouldbeoutin

12、practice.Iwaswellawareoftheimportanceoftherightkindofwifeinfurtheringalawyerscareer.ThesuccessfullawyersIhadobservedwere,almostwithoutexception,marriedtobeautiful,gracious,intelligentwomen.Withoneomission,Pollyfittedthesespecificationsperfectly.25Beautifulshewas.Shewasnotyetofpin-upproportionspin-up

13、proportionsbutIfeltsurethattimewouldsupplythelackShealreadyhadthemakings.26Graciousshewas.BygraciousImeanfullofgraces.Shehadanerectnessofcarriage,aneaseofbearing,apoisethatclearlyindicatedthebestofbreeding,Attablehermannerswereexquisite.IhadseenherattheKozyKampusKornereatingthespecialtyofthehouse-as

14、andwichthatcontainedscrapsofpotroastpotroastgravy,choppednuts,andadipperofsauerkrautsauerkraut-withoutevengettingherfingersmoist.27Intelligentshewasnot.infact,sheveeredveeredintheoppositedirection.ButIbelievedthatundermyguidanceshewouldsmartenupsmartenup. .Atanyrate,itwasworthatry.Itis,afterall,easi

15、ertomakeabeautifuldumbgirlsmartthantomakeanuglysmartgirlbeautiful.28Petey,Isaid,areyouinlovewithPollyEspy?291thinkshesakeenkid,hereplied,butIdontknowifyoudcallitlove.Why?30Doyou,Iasked,haveanykindofformalarrangementwithher?Imeanareyougoingsteadyoranythinglikethat?31No.Weseeeachotherquiteabit,butwebo

16、thhaveotherdates.Why?32Isthere,Iasked,anyothermanforwhomshehasaparticularfondness?33NotthatIknowof.Why?34Inoddedwithsatisfaction.Inotherwords,ifyouwereoutofthepicture,thefieldwouldbeopen.Isthatright?351guessso.Whatareyougettingat?36Nothing,nothing,Isaidinnocently,andtookmysuitcaseoutofthecloset.37Wh

17、ereareyougoing?askedPetey.38Homefortheweekend.Ithrewafewthingsintothebag.39Listen,hesaid,clutchingmyarmeagerly,whileyourehome,youcouldntgetsomemoneyfromyouroldman,couldyou,andlendittomesoIcanbuyaraccooncoat?401maydobetterthanthat,Isaidwithamysteriouswinkandclosedmybagandleft.41Look,IsaidtoPeteywhenI

18、gotbackMondaymorning.Ithrewopenthesuitcaseandrevealedthehuge,hairy,gamyobjectthatmyfatherhadworninhisStutzBearcaStutzBearcat tin1925.42HolyToledoHolyToledo!saidPeteyreverentlyreverently. .Heplungedhishandsintotheraccooncoatandthenhisface.HolyToledo!herepeatedfifteenortwentytimes.43Wouldyoulikeit?Ias

19、ked.44Ohyes!hecried,clutchingthegreasypeltpelttohim.Thenacannylookcameintohiseyes.Whatdoyouwantforit?45Yourgirl,Isaid,mincingnowordsmincingnowords46Polly?hesaidinahorrifiedwhisper.YouwantPolly?47Thatsright.48Heflungthecoatfromhim.Never,hesaidstoutly.49Ishrugged.Okay.Ifyoudontwanttobeintheswim,Iguess

20、itsyourbusiness.50Isatdowninachairandpretendedtoreadabook,butoutofthecornerofmyeyeIkeptwatchingPetey.Hewasatornman.Firsthelookedatthecoatwiththeexpressionofawaifatabakerywindow.Thenheturnedawayandsethisjawresolutely.Thenhelookedbackatthecoat,withevenmorelonginginhisface.Thenheturnedaway,butwithnotso

21、muchresolutionthistime.Backandforthhisheadswiveledswiveleddesirewaxingwaxing, ,resolutionwaningwaning.Finallyhedidntturnawayatall;hejuststoodandstaredwithmadlustatthecoat.51ItisntasthoughIwasinlovewithPolly,hesaidthickly.Orgoingsteadyoranythinglikethat.52Thatsright,Imurmured.53WhatsPollytome,ormetoP

22、olly?54Notathing,saidI.55Itsjustbeenacasualkickcasualkick-justafewlaughs,thatsall.56Tryonthecoat,saidI.57 Hecomplied.Thecoatbunchedhighoverhisearsanddroppedallthewaydowntohisshoetops.Helookedlikeamoundofdeadraccoons.Fitsfine,hesaidhappily.58Irosefrommychair.Isitadeal?Iasked,extendingmyhand.59Heswall

23、owed.Itsadeal,hesaidandshookmyhand.60IhadmyfirstdatewithPollythefollowingevening.Thiswasinthenatureofasurvey;IwantedtofindoutjusthowmuchworkIhadtodotogetherminduptothestandardIrequired.Itookherfirsttodinner.Gee,thatwasadelish(=delicious)dinner,shesaidaswelefttherestaurant.ThenItookhertoamovie.Gee,th

24、atwasamarvy(=marvelous)movie,shesaidasweleftthetheater.AndthenItookherhome.Gee,Ihadasensaysh(=sensational)time,shesaidasshebademegoodnight.61 Iwentbacktomyroomwithaheavyheart.Ihadgravelyunderestimatedthesizeofmytask.Thisgirlslackofinformationwasterrifying.Norwoulditbeenoughmerelytosupplyherwithinfor

25、mationFirstshehadtobetaughttothink.Thisloomedloomedasaprojectofnosmalldimensions,andatfirstIwastemptedtogiveherbacktoPetey.ButthenIgottothinkingaboutherabundantphysicalcharmsandaboutthewaysheenteredaroomandthewayshehandledaknifeandfork,andIdecidedtomakeaneffort.62 Iwentaboutit,asinallthings,systemat

26、ically.Igaveheracourseinlogic.IthappenedthatI,asalawstudent,wastakingacourseinlogicmyself,soIhadallthefactsatmyfingertips.Polly,IsaidtoherwhenIpickedheruponournextdate,tonightwearegoingovertotheKnollKnollandtalk.630o,terrif(=terrific),shereplied.OnethingIwillsayforthisgirl:youwouldgofartofindanother

27、soagreeable.64WewenttotheKnoll,thecampustrystingplace,andwesatdownunderanoldoak,andshelookedatmeexpectantly.Whatarewegoingtotalkabout?sheasked.65Logic.66 Shethoughtthisoverforaminuteanddecidedshelikedit.Magnif(=magnificent),shesaid.67 Logic,Isaid,clearingmythroat,isthescienceofthinking.Beforewecanth

28、inkcorrectly,wemustfirstlearntorecognizethecommonfallaciesoflogic.Thesewewilltakeuptonight.68Wow-dowWow-dow!shecried,clappingherhandsdelightedly.69 Iwinced,butwentbravelyon.FirstletusexaminethefallacycalledDictoSlmpliciteDictoSlmpliciter r. .70Byallmeans,sheurged,battingherlasheseagerly.71 ,DictoSim

29、plicitermeansanargumentbasedonanunqualifiedunqualifiedgeneralization.Forexample:Exerciseisgood.Thereforeeverybodyshouldexercise.721agree,saidPollyearnestly.1meanexerciseiswonderful.Imeanitbuildsthebodyandeverything.73Polly,Isaidgently,theargumentisafallacy.Exerciseisgoodisanunqualifiedgeneralization

30、.Forinstance,ifyouhaveheartdisease,exerciseisbad,notgood.Manypeopleareorderedbytheirdoctorsnottoexercise.Youmustqualifythegeneralization.Youmustsayexerciseisusuallygood,orexerciseisgoodformostpeople.OtherwiseyouhavecommittedaDictoSimplioiter.Doyousee?74No,sheconfessed.Butthisismarvy.Domore!Domorel75

31、Itwillbebetterifyoustoptuggingatmysleeve,Itoldher,andwhenshedesisted,Icontinued:NextwetakeupafallacycalledHastyGeneralizationHastyGeneralization.Listencarefully:YoucantspeakFrench.IcantspeakFrench.PeteyBurchcantspeakFrench.ImustthereforeconcludethatnobodyattheUniversityofMinnesotacanspeakFrench.76Re

32、ally?saidPolly,amazed.Nobody?77Ihidmyexasperation.Polly,itsafallacy.Thegeneralizationisreachedtoohastily.Therearetoofewinstancestosupportsuchaconclusion.78Knowanymorefallacies?sheaskedbreathlessly.Thisismorefunthandancingeven.79Ifoughtoffawaveofdespair.Iwasgettingnowherewiththisgirlabsolutelynowhere

33、.Still,Iamnothingifnotpersistent.Icontinued.80NextcomesPostHocPostHocListentothis:LetsnottakeBillonourpicnic.Everytimewetakehimoutwithus,itrains.811knowsomebodylikethat,sheexclaimed.Agirlbackhome-EulaBecker,hernameis,itneverfalls.Everysingletimewetakeheronapicnic-82Polly,Isaidsharply,itsafallacy.Eul

34、aBeckerdoesntcausetherain.Shehasnoconnectionwiththerain.YouareguiltyofPostHocifyoublameEulaBecker.83I11neverdothatagain,shepromisedcontritely.Areyoumadatme?84Isigheddeeply.No,Polly,Imnotmad.85Thentellmesomemorefallacies.86Allright.LetstryContradictoryPremisesContradictoryPremises87Yes,lets,shechirpe

35、d,blinkinghereyeshappily.88 Ifrowned,butplungedahead.HeresanexampleofContradictoryPremises:IfGodcandoanything,canHemakeastonesoheavythatHewontbeabletoliftit?89Ofcourse,sherepliedpromptly.90ButifHecandoanything,Hecanliftthestone,Ipointedout.91Yeah,shesaidthoughtfully.Well,thenIguessHecantmakethestone

36、.92ButHecandoanything,Iremindedher.93Shescratchedherpretty,emptyhead.Imallcofused,sheadmitted.94Ofcourseyouare.Becausewhenthepremisesofanargumentcontradicteachother,therecanbenoargument.Ifthereisanirresistibleforce,therecanbenoimmovableobject.Ifthereisanimmovableobject,therecanbenoirresistibleforce.

37、Getit?95Tellmesomemoreofthiskeenstuff,shesaideagerly.96Icousultedmywatch.1thinkwedbettercallitanight.Illtakeyouhomenow,andyougooverallthethingsyouvelearned.Wellhaveanothersessiontomorrownight.97Idepositedheratthegirlsdormitory,wheresheassuredmethatshehadhadaperfectlyterrifevening,andIwentglumlytomyr

38、oom.Peteylaysnoringinhisbed,theraccooncoathuddledlikeagreathairybeastathisfeet.ForamomentIconsideredwakinghimandtellinghimthathecouldhavehisgirlback.Itseemedclearthatmyprojectwasdoomedtofailure.Thegirlsimplyhadalogic-proofhead.98ButthenIreconsidered.Ihadwastedoneevening:Imightaswellwasteanother.Whok

39、new?Maybesomewhereintheextinctcratercraterofhermind,afewembersembersstillsmoldered.MaybesomehowIcouldfanthemintoflame.Admittedlyitwasnotaprospectfraughtwithfraughtwithhope,butIdecidedtogiveitonemoretry.99SeatedundertheoakthenexteveningIsaid,OurfirstfallacytonightiscalledAdMiAdMisericordiamsericordia

40、m.100Shequiveredwithdelight.101Listenclosely,Isaid.Amanappliesforajob.Whenthebossaskshimwhathisqualificationsare,herepliesthathehasawifeandsixchildrenathome,thewifeisahelplesscripple,thechildrenhavenothingtoeat,noclothestowear,noshoesontheirfeet,therearenobedsinthehouse,nocoalinthecellar,andwinteris

41、coming.102AtearrolleddowneachofPollyspinkcheeks.Oh,thisisawful,awful,shesobbed.103Yes,itsawful,Iagreed,butitsnoargument.Themanneveransweredthebosssquestionsabouthisqualifications.Insteadheappealedtothebossssympathy.HecommittedthefallacyofAdMisericordiam.Doyouunderstand?104Haveyougotahandkerchief?she

42、blubbered.105Ihandedherahandkerchiefandtriedtokeepfromscreamingwhileshewipedhereyes.Next,Isaidinacarefullycontrolledtone,wewilldiscussFalseAnalogFalseAnalogy yHereisanexample:Studentsshouldbeallowedtolookattheirtextbooksduringexaminations.Afterall,surgeonshaveX-raystoguidethemduringanoperation,lawye

43、rshavebriefstoguidethemduringatrial,carpentershaveblueprintstoguidethemwhentheyarebuildingahouse.Why,then,shouldntstudentsbeallowedtolookattheirtextbooksduringanexamination?106Therenow,shesaidenthusiastically,isthemostmarvyideaIveheardinyears.107Polly,Isaidtestily,theargumentisallwrong.Doctors,lawye

44、rs,andcarpentersarenttakingatesttoseehowmuchtheyhavelearned,butstudentsare.Thesituationsarealtogetherdifferent,andyoucantmakeananalogybetweenthem.1081stillthinkitsagoodidea,saidPolly.109Nuts,Imuttered.DoggedlyDoggedlyIpressedon.NextwelltryHypothesiSHypothesiSP PontrarytoFact.110Soundsyummyyummy,wasP

45、ollysreaction.111 Listen:IfMadameCuriehadnothappenedtoleaveaphotographicplateinadrawerwithachunkofpitchblende（n瀝青油礦）,theworldtodaywouldnotknowaboutradium.112True,true,saidPolly,noddingherhead.Didyouseethemovie?Oh,itjustknockedmeoutknockedmeoutThatWalterPidgeonissodreamy.Imeanhefracturesme.113Ifyouca

46、nforgetMr.Pidgeonforamoment,Isaidcoldly,Iwouldliketopointoutthatthestatementisafallacy.MaybeMadameCuriewouldhavediscoveredradiumatsomelaterdate.Maybesomebodyelsewouldhavediscoveredit.Maybeanynumberofthingswouldhavehappened.Youcantstartwithahypothesisthatisnottrueandthendrawanysupportableconclusionsf

47、romit.114TheyoughttoputWalterPidgeoninmorepictures,saidPolly.Ihardlyeverseehimanymore.115Onemorechance,Idecided.Butjustonemore.Thereisalimittowhatfleshandbloodcanbear.ThenextfallacyiscalledPoisoningtheWellPoisoningtheWell. .116Howcute!shegurgled.117Twomenarehavingadebate.Thefirstonegetsupandsays,Myo

48、pponentisanotoriousliar.Youcantbelieveawordthatheisgoingtosay.Now,Polly,think.Thinkhard.Whatswrong?118Iwatchedhercloselyassheknithercreamybrowinconcentration.Suddenly,ag1immerofintelligencethefirstIhadseen-cameintohereyes.Itsnotfair,shesaidwithindignation.Itsnotabitfair.Whatchancehasthesecondmangoti

49、fthefirstmancallshimaliarbeforeheevenbeginstalking?119Right!Icriedexultantly.Onehundredpercentright.Itsnotfair.Thefirstmanhaspoisonedthewellbeforeanybodycoulddrinkfromit.Hehashamstrunghamstrunghisopponentbeforehecouldevenstart.Polly,I?mproudofyou.120PshaWPshaWshemurmured,blushingwithpleasure.121Yous

50、ee,mydear,thesethingsarentsohardAllyouhavetodoisconcentrate.Think-examineuate.Comenow,letsrevieweverythingwehavelearned.”122Fireaway,shesaidwithanairywaveofherhand.123HeartenedbytheknowledgethatPollywasnotaltogetheracretincretin,Ibeganalong,patientreviewofallIhadtoldher.OverandoverandoveragainIcited

51、instancespointedoutflaws,kepthammeringawaywithoutlet-uplet-up.Itwaslikediggingatunnel.Atfirsteverythingwaswork,sweat,anddarkness.IhadnoideawhenIwouldreachthelight,orevenifIwould.ButIpersisted.IpoundedandclawedandscrapedscrapedandfinallyIwasrewarded.Isawachinkoflight.Andthenthechinkgotbiggerandthesun

52、camepouringinandallwasbright.124Fivegruelingnightsthistook,butitwasworthit.IhadmadealogicianoutofPolly;Ihadtaughthertothink.Myjobwasdone.Shewasworthyofmeatlast.Shewasafitwifeforme,aproperhostessformymanymansions,asuitablemotherformywell-heeledchildren.125ItmustnotbethoughtthatIwaswithoutloveforthisg

53、irl.Quitethecontrary,JustasPygmalionPygmalionlovedtheperfectwomanhehadfashioned,soIlovedmine.Ideterminedtoacquaintherwithmyfeelingatourverynextmeeting.Thetimehadcometochangeourrelationshipfromacademictoromantic.126Polly,Isaidwhennextwesatbeneathouroak,tonightwewillnotdiscussfallacies.127Aw,gee,shesa

54、id,disappointed.128Mydear,Isaid,favoringherwithasmile,“wehavenowspentfiveeveningstogether.Wehavegottenalongsplendidly.Itisclearthatwearewellmatched.”129HastyGeneralization,saidPollybrightly.130Ibegyourpardon,saidI.131HastyGeneralization,sherepeated.Howcanyousaythatwearewellmatchedonthebasisofonlyfiv

55、edates?”132Ichuckledwithamusement.Thedearchildhadlearnedherlessonswell.Mydear,ISaid,Pattingherhandinatolerantmanner,fivedatesisplenty.Afterall,youdonthavetoeatawholecaketoknowitsgood.133FalseAnalogy”saidPollypromptly.Imnotacake.Imagirl.134Ichuckledwithsomewhatlessamusement.Thedearchildhadlearnedherl

56、essonsperhapstoowell.IdecidedtochangetacticstacticsObviouslythebestapproachwasasimple,strong,directdeclarationoflove.Ipausedforamomentwhilemymassivebrainchosetheproperwords.ThenIbegan:135Polly,Iloveyou.Youarethewholeworldtome,andthemoonandthestarsandtheconstellationconstellations sofouterspace.Please,mydarling,sayt