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Francesassumedthatcriticismshouldbetemperedwithpraiseincludingpraiseequalizestheotherwiseone-downpositionJohnrecognizedtheritualheardpraiseasfirststepofpatternappreciatedtactofapproachunderstoodthatcriticismwasthemainmessageAlassumedfeedbackwouldbedirectshouldbedirect:whatissaidisthemessageFrancetoldhimeverythingwasfinecriticismwassuggestionratherthandirectionSource:Source:Tannen,Deborah,“TalkingFrom9to5”,AvonBooks,1994;Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990

AnalysisofStyle-GivingFeedback(2of2)1Source:Tannen,Deborah,“TalkingFrom9to5”,AvonBooks,1994;Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990HierarchyEqualityStyleAssumptions:StyleAssumptions:BluntfeedbackisdirectandhonestFeedbackisaboutbusiness,notfeelingsBluntfeedbackiscallousandharshTherelationshipisasimportantasthemessageImportanttobetactful;includepraiseGivingcriticismisaninherentlyone-uppositionitcan’tbedisguisedOne-upnatureneedstobeequalized“Saveface”byprovidingpraiseaswellascriticismStylisticNorms-GivingFeedback2

IsabelleintroducesanideainameetingItisignoredLaterinthemeeting,Janesuggeststhesameideaagainexpandsonit,sellingittogroupIdeaisadopted;JanereceivescreditNeitherIsabellenorJaneacknowledgetheideaasIsabelle’sInitiatinggoodideasisnotenough.Youalsohavetogetcreditforthem.Source:Tannen,Deborah,“TalkingFrom9to5”,AvonBooks,1994;Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,

BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990

StyleinAction-GettingCreditforYourIdeas(1of2)3Source:Tannen,Deborah,“TalkingFrom9to5”,AvonBooks,1994;Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,

BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990

Isabelle’scommentsdidnotgetheardintroducedherideaindirectly,usingadisclaimer“thisprobablywon’tworkbut…”spokesoftlyspokebrieflyspoketentativelyJane’scommentsdidgetheardintroducedherideadirectlyandsuccinctlyspokeenthusiasticallyspokeatlengthspokewithcertaintyAnalyzingStyle-GettingCreditforYourIdeas(2of2)4Source:Tannen,Deborah,“TalkingFrom9to5”,AvonBooks,1994;Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990HierarchyEqualityStyleAssumptions:StyleAssumptions:SeekvisibilityDownplaydoubtsotherwiseyou’llappearinsecureClaimcreditforyourideasSeekequalexposureDownplaycertaintyotherwiseyou’llappearboastfulGoodworkwillberecognizedShiftstatusuponebyclaimingcreditMaintainequalstatusbyneverclaimingcreditStylisticNorms-GettingCreditforYourIdeas5CanYouUseThisModule?HowCommunicationWorksCommunicationandPerceptionStylesintheWorkplaceCommunicatingatBainUnderstandingYourIndividualStyleManagingCommunicationatBainAgenda6

DirectcommunicationAggressiveinteractionPro-activeproblem-solvingIdeaassessmentbychallengeBain’sdominantstylereflectsmanyhierarchicalcharacteristics.Stylefavors:Bain’sNorm(1of2)7WhileBain’scommunicationnormisprimarilyhierarchical,thenormmaydependonthesituation.SituationOne-on-onewithmanagerCaseteammeetingTaskforcemeetingClientmeetingStyleDependsonmanagerHierarchicalEqualityDependsonclientnormBain’sNorm(2of2)8Bain’sdominantstyleevolvedfromworkandclientneedsStylesupportsworkdirectcommunicationisfast;bestforshorttimeframedisplayslogicclearlysoproblemscanbefoundquicklyStylemeetsclientneedsclientswantstronganalysispresentedclearlyexpectsBaintodrivedecisionsthroughtheirorganizationStylepreparesteamforclientinteractionchallengingideasincaseteamanticipateschallengesfromclientmatchespredominantstyleofmanyclientsWhyItIstheWayItIs9CanYouUseThisModule?HowCommunicationWorksCommunicationandPerceptionStylesintheWorkplaceCommunicatingatBainUnderstandingYourIndividualStyleManagingCommunicationatBainAgenda10Beginbyconsideringthefollowingcharacteristics:Source:Tannen,Deborah,“TalkingFrom9to5”,AvonBooks,1994;Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990HowDoIKnowWhatMyStyleIs?(1of2)11

Source:Tannen,Deborah,“TalkingFrom9to5”,AvonBooks,1994;Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990LooktoseewhichcharacteristicsreflectyoumayhavesomefrombothstylesmayactdifferentlydependingonthesituationAskotherswhocommunicatewithyouforfeedbackAimtoobjectivelyunderstandyourconversationalhabits,ratherthanjusttakeonstylelabelLearnwhatyourhabitsare,understandhowtheyfunctioninBain’senvironment.Don’tjustassumealabel.HowDoIKnowWhatMyStyleIs?(2of2)12Keyphrasestolistenfor:“Youjustdon’tseemconfident”“Don’tworryaboutwhetheryourideasareperfect,justgetthemoutthere”“Yourideasarehardtofollow”“Youhavetogettothepointfaster”“Youtakethingstoopersonally”“Youneedtobemorevisible”“Youneedtodevelopyourleadershipskills”Therearecertainperformanceproblemsthatareoftenattributabletoaclashincommunicationstyles--eventhoughtheyseemtoaddresssomethingelse.Source:Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990

HowDoIKnowIfThere’saProblem?(1of3)13Lookatthesituationobjectively.Getfeedbackfrommanagersandfriends.ConsideryourexperienceAreyouoftenfrustratedinyourjob?Aretheperceptionsofotherssignificantlydifferentfromhowyouseeyourself?Dopeoplegrantyoulesscompetencethanyouthinkyoudeserve?ConsiderfeedbackDoothersidentifycommunicationproblems?ConsiderthepossibilityDeterminewhich,orwhichpartoftheseproblemscouldresultfromcommunicationstyleclashHowDoIKnowIfThere’saProblem?(2of3)14Operatingoutsidethegroupnormcanhavepotentiallysignificantconsequences.Source:Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990StyleclashescanimpactyouandassessmentofyourperformanceTakingstylisticbehaviorsliterallycanresultindiscomfortandfrustrationchallengesfeellikepersonalattacksopportunitiestobehearddon’tpresentthemselvesyourstylisticbehaviormaybetakenliterallyFrequentpausesperceivedaslackofconfidencePerceptioncouldimpactperformanceassessmentFrequentpausesperceivedasweakanalysisHowDoIKnowIfThere’saProblem?(3of3)15Themeasureofastyleiswhetheritworksinthesettingyou’reinAllstylesareequallyvalidasstylesoneisnotquantifiablybetterthananotherallstylescanworkwellwithotherswhosharethatstyleButallstylesdonotworkequallywellineverysituationyourstylemaynotworkwellinthissettingSource:Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990IsBain'sStyleBetterThanMine?16Youcanlearntooperateeffectivelyinnormsotherthanyourown

Noone’sstyleisabsolutecanlearntooperateeffectivelyinothernormsunderstandingwhypeopleactastheydodevelopabilitytomatchstylisticbehaviorsChangingisnotnecessarilyeasytakesawareness,focusandtimeSource:Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990CanIChange?17Flexibilityisthekeyinsteadofchanging,expandyourstyleAddnewbehaviorstoyourcorestyleuseascalledforbysituationexpandthesituationsinwhichyouareeffectiveDevelopabilitytocommunicatesuccessfullyinrangeofenvironmentsInsteadofchangingyourstyle,youcanexpandyourstyleSource:Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990ShouldIChange?18RememberthatlearningnewstylebehaviorscanbedifficulttakestimeDevelopaplanthatprogressesinsmallsteps:Identifyonebehaviortolearn(forinstance,avoidingdisclaimersorsubstitutinginquiriesforchallenges)Plantopracticeonebehavioronceortwiceinanyonesituation(i.e.acaseteammeeting)LookforotheropportunitiestopracticecasualconversationvoicemailisgreatforpracticingAnswer-FirstDevelopaplanforintegratingnewstylisticbehaviorsHowDoIExpandMyStyle?(1of5)19Whenyouaresuccessful,increasepracticeContinuetoincreaseinsmallstepsuntilthebehavioriscomfortableIdentifynextnewbehaviorandbegintopracticeTalktootherswhohavefacedthissituationforadditionalideasHowDoIExpandMyStyle?(2of5)20ProvideasourceofsupportandfeedbackinvolveyourmanagerorcaseteamleaderhookupwithapartnerAfriend,caseteammember,orcoachCelebratesuccessesReinforcesmallwinsaswellaslargeOnceyou’vedecidedonyourplan,takestepstoensuresuccessHowDoIExpandMyStyle?(3of5)21Targetsituation(s)toobservecaseteammeetings clientmeetingspresentationsAnalyzewhatcontributestothemetamessagemessagecontentrelationshipbetweenparticipantsactivityatmosphereReallygettoknowyouraudience.HowCanIExpandMyStyle?(4of5)22

IdentifyyourhighestimpactmisseswithlistenergroupdecideonalternatebehaviortopracticeUseanyresourcesavailabletoprepareyourcommunicationAnswer-FirststructurecoachormentorGetinputfromsomeonewhoknowsthesituationmanagercaseteamleaderothercaseteammembermemberofclientteamSpendasmuchtimeplanninghowyou’llcommunicateasyoudowhatyou’llcommunicateHowDoIExpandMyStyle?(5of5)23Speakofteninitiateideaschallengeothers’ideasSpeakforlongerperiodsoftimeDon’tworryaboutbeing100%rightmanagersaremoreinterestedinhowyouprocessideasWheninterrupted,re-assertyourpointWhenchallenged,persistinmakingyourpointSource:InterviewswithBainmanagers1997HowDoIIncreaseParticipationMeetings?24UseAnswer-Firsttostructurecommunicationsprovidebackground,complication,questionandanswerworkfrombroadconceptstospecificevidenceusestructuretoleveragetheirtimeprovidedetailsonlyasneededbylistenerhighlightkeyconcepts,outstandingissues,openquestionspresentyourrecommendationswithoutqualificationsUseshortsentences,activelanguageSource:Minto,Barbara,“ThePyramidPrinciple”,FTPitmanPublishing,1987;BainCommunicationSkillsWorkshopHowDoICommunicateClearly?(1of2)25Stateideasdirectly,withoutneedforinterpretation“IagreewithMaria.Weshoulddomoreinterviews.”insteadof“Mariahassomegoodinterestingpoints.Wecertainlycoulddomoreinterviews.Maybeweshould.Ofcourse,itwouldtakemoretime.”Stateideaswithoutdisclaimers“BillJohnson’sanexpertinthisarea.Weshouldtalktohim.”Insteadof“Thismaysoundlikeacrazyidea,andit’snotexactlythedirectionwe’reheading,butmaybeweshouldthinkabouttalkingtoBillJohnson.Imean,Ithinkhe’sdonealotofworkinthisarea,butIcouldbewayoffbase.”Source:Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990

HowDoICommunicateClearly?(2of2)26Initiateideas,thenexpandonthemClaimownershipforideasoraccomplishmentsSay“I”insteadof“We”Source:Tannen,Deborah,“YouJustDon’tUnderstand”,BallantineBooks,NewYork,1990

HowDoIGainRecognitionForMyWork?27Foradditionalsupport,contacttheHumanResourcesorTrainingDepartmentsSupportandresourcesavailable:coachingtoassistinaddressingcommunicationconcernstrainingtoexpandcommunicationstyle:communicationworkshopone-on-onecoachingexternaltrainingclassesThesourceforinternalandexternalresourcesisHumanResourcesorTrainingResourcesandSupport28CanYouUseThisModule?HowCommunicationWorksCommunicationandPerceptionStylesintheWorkplaceCommunicatingatBainUnderstandingYourIndividualStyleManagingCommunicationatBainAgenda29Performanceproblemsliketheseusuallyattributedtolackofcompetence:lacksconfidence,seemsinsecuredoesn’ttakedirectionwellmicro-managesjustdoesn’tcatchonRootcauseofperformanceproblemmightbecommunicationinsteadofcompetenceManagingStyles:UnderstandingtheProblem30Sourceofproblemcouldbecommunicationstyles:ManagingStyles:UnderstandingtheProblem31Distinguishwhatobservablebehaviorsleadtoyourassessment:Assessment: can’tdotheworkBehaviors: doesn’tgetassignedworkdone,ideasdon’t

makesenseAssessment: can’tlead,nosenseofauthorityBehaviors: directionsaren’tclear,norespectfromthe peoplewhoreporttohim/herFirststep:SeparatebehaviorsfromassessmentManagingStyles:HowDoYouKnowWhattheProblemIs?32LookatthesituationobjectivelyrememberthatyourstylecanblindyoutootherstylesConsiderwhatcouldbetheresultofcommunicationstylesdoesn’tgetassignedworkdone,ideasdon’tmakesensecompletesthework,butdoesn’tspeakupinmeetingspresentsideasindirectlyinsteadofdirectlydirectionsaren’tclear,norespectfromthepeoplewhoreporttohim/hergivessuggestionsinsteadofordersConsiderwhatpartcommunicationmightplayintheproblemManagingStyles:HowDoYouKnow...(1of2)33Consideradditionalinformationyouhavedoesn’tgetassignedworkdone,ideasdon’tmakesensehaveaskeddirectlyifassignmentswerecompleted;theywereinone-on-onemeetingcouldclearlyexplainideasConsideradditionalinformationyouneedmayneedtodiscussthesituationandgatherinformationfromtheindividualfromotherswhoknowthesituationfromotherswhoknowmoreaboutcommunicatingMakeadecisionbasedonthedatastylemaybeall,partof,ornoneoftheproblemTestthepossibilityagainstreality,anddecideManagingStyles:HowDoYouKnow...(2of2)34Eachperson’scommunicationstyleisasnaturaltothemasbreathingtheirstyleisinvisibletothemitisanintegralpartofwhotheyareanyproblem--iftheyareawareofit--isn’ttheirsfromtheirperspective,everyoneelsehastheproblemfromtheirperspective,theyarerightYourperspectiveandpointofviewonthesituationisinfluencedbyyourownstyleweallthinkourstyleis“right”yourbiasmaycauseresistanceinthelistenerpositionalthinkingwillnotmotivatesomeonetochange TherearekeypointstoremembertomakecoachingcommunicationsuccessfulManagingStyles:PreparingtoCoach(1of2)35Changingstylemayseemaneasyandobvioussolutiontoyouconsequently,youmayexpectthemtogreetyoursuggestionwithglee,andgetrightonitTothem,itmayseemthreatening,impossible,oreveninsultingmayhearthatwhotheyareiswrongmayhavenoideahowtomakechangesmayfeel(strongly)thenormiswrong,anditshouldchangeEveniftheywanttochange,doingsocanbedifficultthehabitstheyhaveareingrained,oftenfrombirthsuccessfulinthesystemtheyaremostfamiliarwithConsiderthesituationfromtheirpointofviewManagingStyles:PreparingtoCoach(2of2)36Themessageis:allstylesareequallyvalidasstylesoneisnotquantifiablybetterthananotherallstylescanworkwellwithotherswhosharethatstylebutallstylesdonotworkequallywellineverysituationtheirstyleisnotworkingwellinthissettingtobemoreeffective,recommendtheyexpandtheirstyleBeclearonthemessageManagingStyles:BeforeYouStart37Identifyandhelpthemunderstandtheproblemstatetheproblemingeneraldescribespecificbehaviorsthatillustratetheproblem(i.e.beingquietincaseteammeetings)askaboutwhytheyactthewaytheydo(theirintendedcommunication)providefeedbackonhowbehaviorisperceivedhelpthemseethe“miss”Suggestpossibilityofaclashincommunicationstylesemphasizeproblemissituational,notpersonaltheirstyledoesnotworkwellinthissettingTherearespecificstepstoconveythemessage.First,introducetheproblem.ManagingStyles:IntheCoachingSession(1of4)38Explaincommunicationstyles:whattheyare,howtheyworkgeneralconceptstylesandhowtheyworkBain’snormspecificapplicationuseexamplesatBainotherswhohavehadsimilarstylecharacteristicsotherswhohavehadstyleclashesfocusonexplainingandgettingbuy-inontheproblemaddresssolutionslaterNext,explaincommunicationstyles--ingeneral,andinthissituationManagingStyles:IntheCoachingSession(2of4)39ExplainvalueofBain’snormincaseteamsituationsatclientsRecommendexpandingstyleinordertobettermatchBain’snormgiveexamplesEmphasizethatyouareseekingaresult:changedbehaviorhowtheycorrecttheproblemistheirchoiceExplainconsequences(ifany)ofstatusquoHelpthemunderstandwhyBainisthewayitis,thensuggesthowtheycanincreaseeffectivenessinthisnorm.ManagingStyles:IntheCoachingSession(3of4)40Bepreparedto:addressresistance/concerns“WhyshouldIchange?They’retheoneswhoarerude.”“Areyousayingthereissomethingwrongwithme?”discusspro’sandconshigherlevelofeffectivenessinmoresituationsitisn’teasy;takesconcentration;processmaybeslowProvidesuggestionsandresourcesOnceyouhaveexplainedthesituation,provideopportunitytorespondManagingStyles:IntheCoachingSession(4of4)41Remember,thesituationisneutralaclashinstylesnotaresultofconscious,problematicbehaviornooneisatfaultFocusonexpandingskills,notdumpingoldstyleinfavorofnewoneUsespecificexamplesgeneralexamplesillustratetheconceptspecificexamples,storiesmaketheconceptrealCoachingprocesshasstrongimpactonsuccess.Changeshouldbepresentedasbeneficialandpossible;coachshoulddemonstrateempathyManagingStyles:CoachingTips(1of2)42Beginbydiscussingconcretebehaviors,notperceptionsstartwith,“Youdon’tshareyourideasincaseteammeetings”not“Youseemtolackconfidence”Next,maketheconnectionbetweenbehaviorandperception“Youmaybewaitingbecauseyouwanttobe100%sureofwhatyousay,“buttheresultisaperceptionthatyouarehesitantanduncertain.”TreatthesituationseriouslyacknowledgethatchanginghabitsishardManagingStyles:CoachingTips(2of2)43Inordertoincreasedirectness:stateideaswithoutqualificationorhedging.“IagreewithMaria.Weneedtodomoreinterviews.”insteadof“Mariahassomegenerallyinterestingpoints.Wecertainlycoulddomoreinterviews.Ofcourse,itwouldtakemoretime.”stateideaswithoutdisclaimers:“BillJohnson’sanexpertinthisarea.Weshouldtalktohim.”insteadof“Thismayjustbeacrazyidea,andit’snotexactlythedirectionwe’reheading,butmaybeweshouldthinkabouttalkingtoBillJohnson