復(fù)旦研究生綜合英語修訂版教學(xué)課件Unit2isloveanart

U1AdditionallnformationfortheTeacher’sReferenceTextIsLoveanArt?Warm-upActivitiesFurtherReadingSpeakingSkillsAdditionalWorkWarm-upActivitiesWarm-up11.Giveyourowndefinitionoflove.Thereonceexistedamanwhotrulydemonstratedalltheaspectsofthatindefinablefeelingcalled“l(fā)ove〞.Withhopesthatyouwillunderstand,hereishisstory...Afeudledtowarinhisland,wherehehadbeenraised.Hekneweverybladeofgrass,everyperson,treeandsoul.Herehewashappy.Herehecouldbehimselfandfree.Forthishelovedtheland.Thus,hewenttowartofightforsomethingheheldsodeartohim.Warm-up

2Thereatwarhemetafriend,anothermanofhisage.Helikedthismanverymuch.Hecouldtalktohim,trusthim,believeinhim,shareinhishopesanddreams,andhewashappyforhim.Forthis,helovedhisfriend.Afterwarthemanreturnedhometohisfamily.Hismotherhuggedhimandheldhimtight,sohappythathehadreturnedsafely.Hismother,hisfather,brothersandsisterssharedinhistriumphs.Thesewerethepeoplewhohadtaughthimlifelessons,whowerethereforhimwhenhewasinneed.Theyhadarelationshipsotightandwonderfulthatitwasbondedbymorethanbloodalone.Andforthis,helovedthem.Warm-up

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Thenthemanmetawoman(ormandependingonpreference)andhefeltimportant,accepted,wanted,caredabout,understood,cherishedandeverythingelsethatiswonderfulandgoodintheworld.Andallthosethingshefeltfromthewoman,hefeltforthewomanaswell.Shewaseveryotherlovecombined.Andforthis,helovedher.Andlovecanonlybedefinedasallthesethingscombined.Warm-up

42.Canyousuggestwaystowinayoungwomanorayoungman’slove?Atsomepointinourlives,weallplaythedatinggame.Thequestionis:howdowewinit?Shouldweexaggerateourpositivequalitiesorsticktothetruth?Whichpick-uplinesarewinnersandwhichonesbomb?Willablinddateleadtolong-lastinglove?Herearesome“rules〞tolivebyinthedatingworld.Choosetheonesyouthinkwillworkforyou:Makethemsuspectyou’reinterested,butdon’tletthemknowforsure.Menlikethechase,sogiveittothem!

Youcouldbemarriedtomorrowifyouloweredyourstandardsfarenough.Bettertowaitfortherealthingthantowasteyourtimeonsomethingthatwon’tlast.Ifyoufindaguywhoclaimshewantstotakecareofyou,getawayfast!You’lljustenduptakingcareofhim.You’llfindMr.RightwhenyouknowyouareMs.Rightwhenyoufeelsecureandokaywithyourself.Refusetoplaygames.Ifellinlovewithmyfiancéwhenhesimplywalkeduptomeandpresentedhimself-nodumblines,nofakesmile,just“Hi,howareyoudoing?〞Stayawayfrommenwhotalkonlyaboutmoney.That’susuallyasignofinsecurity.Warm-up

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6Whenyouneedtogetawayfromaguy,starttalkingaboutsomethingreallyboring,likecomputers.Thatwillusuallyscarehimoff.Don’tputupwithcriticism,especiallywhenitcomestofood.Everywomanshouldbefreetoeatwhatshewantswhenshewants.Don’tbetoopicky.Iknowwomenwhohaveshunnedmenbecausetheydidn’tlookright(headistoobig),smellright(toomuchcologne)orevenbreatheright(tooloud).Unfortunately,womenwholikethisendupignoringordumpingperfectlygoodmenwithoutevengivingthemachance.

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7Onafirstdate,keepitbrief.Youwanttohavesomethingtotalkaboutthenexttime.Paymoreattentiontowhetherhe’sagoodpersonandwillbegoodtoyouthantowhathelookslike.Neverdatemorethanoneguyatatime,eveniftheyknowabouteachother.It’sexhaustingandconfusing.You’llendupwantingtoberidofallofthem,evenifunderothercircumstancesoneormoreofthemmighthavehadpotential.

ErichFromm(1900-1980)wasborninFrankfurt,Germany.HereceivedhisPh.DfromHeidelbergin1922andbeganacareerasapsychotherapist.In1934,hemovedtotheU.S.andsettledinNewYorkCity,andeventuallybecameanaturalizedU.S.citizen.Inthe1940shebegantowrite.Someofhiswell-knownbooksareEscapefromFreedom(1941),TheSaneSociety(1955),TheArtofLoving(1956),LiewithoutIllusions(1962)andTheAnatomyofHumanDestructiveness(1973).ApsychiatristprimarilyconcernedwiththeconditionofthehumanAIFTTR1.1AdditionallnformationfortheTeacher’sReference1.ErichFrommAIFTTR1.2spirit,Frommhashadenormousinfluenceonscholarsandpractitionersinpsychology,sociology,history,economics,anthropology,andtheology.AIFTTR2.12.WhatisLove?InEnglishwesaytheoneword“l(fā)ove〞whereinGreektherearefourwords.Ourword“l(fā)ove〞actuallycoversfourkindsoflove,namely,1)agape,thatis,spiritualloveortheloveofGod;2)storge,thatis,familylove;3)philia,thatis,thelovebetweenfriendswhichweusuallycallbrotherly;and4)eros,thatis,loveexperiencedbetweenamanandawomanwhensexualfeelingsstirbetweenthem.Itisthefourthkindoflovethatsomeoneisexperiencingwhentheytellyoutheyhavefalleninlove.It’sagreatexperience.Itcomesinthatwonderfulrainbowlikesectionofthespectrumofhumanemotion.AIFTTR2.2It’sstrange,inasense,thaterosisinmanywaysthemosttransientoftheformsofloveandyetitgetsthemostattention.Somepeopleevenseemtomakeittheonezoneinlifethatyou’realwayssupposedtobeattemptingtolandinortryingtostayin.AIFTTR3.13.Valentine’sDay(February14)TherearevaryingopinionsastotheoriginofValentine’sDay.SomeexpertsstatethatitoriginatedfromSt.Valentine,aRomanwhowasmartyredforrefusingtogiveupChristianity.HediedonFebruary14,269A.D.,thesamedaythathadbeendevotedtolovelotteries.LegendalsosaysthatSt.Valentineleftafarewellnoteforthejailer’sdaughter,whohadbecomehisfriend,andsignedit“FromYourValentine〞.OtheraspectsofthestorysaythatSaintValentineservedasapriestatatempleduringthereignofEmperorClaudius,butClaudiusthenhadValentinejailedfordefyinghim.In496A.D.PopeGelasiussetasideFebruary14tohonorSt.Valentine.AIFTTR3.2

Gradually,February14becamethedateforexchanginglovemessagesandSt.Valentinebecamethepatronsaintoflovers.Thedatewasmarkedbysendingpoemsandsimplegiftssuchasflowers.Therewasoftenasocialgatheringoraball.IntheUnitedStates,MissEstherHowlandisgivencreditforsendingthefirstvalentinecards.Commercialvalentineswereintroducedinthe1800’sandnowthedateisverycommercial.ThetownofLoveland,Colorado,doesalargepostofficebusinessaroundFebruary14.Thespiritofgoodwillcontinuestobeimportant,whetherbetweenloversorfriends.Valentinesaresentoutwithsentimentalversesandchildrenexchangevalentinecardsatschool.AIFTTR4.14.TheVictorianAge(1837-1901)TheVictorianAgereferstotheperiodofthereignofQueenVictoriaofGreatBritain,whichlastedfrom1837to1901.QueenVictoriaherselflivedfrom1819to1901.Only18whenshecametothethrone,VictoriaoversawEnglandattheheightofitsoverseaspower.TheBritishEmpirewasestablishedandreacheditsgreatestexpanseunderherreign.PerhapsmostimportantduringtheVictorianAgewastheshiftawayfromawayoflifebasedonownershipoflandtoamodernurbaneconomybasedontradeandmanufacturing.AlthoughwehavealingeringimpressionoftheVictorianAgeasarepressiveandrepressedsociety,itwasoneofthemostvitalperiodsofEnglishhistory,livelyandfullofcontroversy.Beliefintechnologywasatitsheight,andthesuperstitionsofmagichadbeensweptaway,reservedforgothichorrornovels.Medicalsciencewasimprovingbyleapsandbounds.Thiseracontinuedtheromanticidealsassociatedwithloveandnature.However,lovewasmostlynotaspontaneouspersonalexperiencewhichthenmightleadtomarriage.Marriagewascontractedbyconventioninsteadofasaresultofromanticlove.Womenusuallymarriedmenchosenandapprovedofbytheirparents,andmenchosewomenwhowereappropriatesocialmatches.Lovewassupposedtodevelopbetweenthetwoaftermarriage.AIFTTR4.2TextIsLoveanArt?NotesIntroductiontotheAuthorandtheArticlePhrasesandExpressionsExercisesMainIdeaoftheTextMIOTT1MainIdeaoftheTextInthetext,Frommstatesthatpeoplehavethewrongattitudetowardslove.Mostpeople’sfirstfaultyassumptionisthattheyseetheproblemofloveprimarilyasthatofbeingloved,ratherthanthatofloving,ofone’scapacitytolove.Thesecondwrongassumptionisthattheyseetheproblemofloveastheproblemofanobject,nottheproblemofafaculty.Thethirderrorliesintheconfusionbetweentheinitialexperienceof“falling〞inlove,andthepermanentstateofbeinginlove.Basedonthisanalysis,Frommmaintainsthatloveisanartjustaslivingisanart;and,ifwewanttolearnhowtolovewemustproceedinthesamewaywehavetoproceedifwewanttolearnanyotherart.HedescribesMIOTT2twocrucialstepsinthelearningofanart;masteryofthetheoryandmasteryofthepractice.Essentialtobothofthesesteps,themasteryoftheartmustbeamatterofthegreatestconcern—nothingmaybemoreimportantthanit.Whenthatartistheartofloving,nothingmaybevaluedmorethanloveitself.IntroductiontotheAuthorandthearticleIntroductiontotheAuthorandtheArticleErichFromm(1900-1980)wasborninFrankfurt,Germany.AfterreceivinghisPh.D.fromtheUniversityofHeidelbergin1922,hebeganhiscareerasapsychoanalyst,philosopherandwriter.Duringhislongandproductivecareer,hetaughtandengagedinresearchinseveralinstitutesanduniversitiesintheUnitedStatesandMexico,aswellaspublishingmanybooksandarticles,includingTheSaneSociety(1955)andTheArtofLoving(1956).IntroductiontotheAuthorandthearticle2ThefollowingselectionischosenfromTheArtofLoving,whichisconsideredhismostfamouswork.InthisselectionFrommstatesthatpeoplemaintainwrongattitudestowardsloveandarguesthatloveisanart,justaslivingisanart;inhisview,ifwewanttolearnhowtolovewemustproceedinthesamewaywewouldifwewantedtolearnanyotherart.Part2_T1Isloveanart?Thenitrequiresknowledgeandeffort.Orisloveapleasantsensation,whichtoexperienceisamatterofchance,somethingone“fallsinto〞ifoneislucky?Thislittlebookisbasedontheformerpremise,whileundoubtedlythemajorityofpeopletodaybelieveinthelatter.ErichFrommIsLoveanArt?TextNotthatpeoplethinkthatloveisnotimportant.Theyare

starvedforit;theywatchendlessnumbersoffilmsabouthappyandunhappylovestories,theylistentohundredsoftrashysongsaboutlove—yethardlyanyonethinksthatthereisanythingthatneedstobelearnedaboutlove.

Thispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralpremiseswhicheithersinglyorcombinedtendtoupholdit.Mostpeopleseetheproblemofloveprimarilyasthatofbeingloved,ratherthanthatofloving,ofone’scapacitytolove.Hencetheproblemtothemishowtobeloved,howtobelovable.In

pursuit

ofthisaimtheyPart2_T2followseveralpaths.One,whichisespeciallyusedbymen,istobesuccessful,tobeaspowerfulandrichasthesocialmarginofone’spositionpermits.Another,usedespeciallybywomen,istomakeoneselfattractive,bycultivatingone’sbody,dress,etc.Otherwaysofmakingoneselfattractive,usedbothbymenandwomen,aretodeveloppleasantmanners,interestingconversation,tobehelpful,modest,inoffensive.Manyofthewaystomakeoneselflovablearethesameasthoseusedtomakeoneselfsuccessful,“towinfriendsandinfluencepeople.〞AsaEDmatteroffact,whatmostpeopleinourculturemeanbybeinglovableisessentiallyamixturebetweenbeingpopularandhavingsexappeal.Part2_T3Part2_T4Asecondpremisebehindtheattitudethatthereisnothingtobelearnedaboutloveistheassumptionthattheproblemofloveistheproblemofanobject,nottheproblemofafaculty.Peoplethinkthattoloveissimple,butthattofindtherightobjecttolove—ortobeloved—isdifficult.Thisattitudehasseveralreasonsrootedinthedevelopmentofmodernsociety.Onereasonisthegreatchangewhichoccurredinthetwentiethcenturywithrespecttothechoiceofa“l(fā)oveobject.〞IntheVictorianage,asinmanytraditionalcultures,lovewasmostlynotaspontaneouspersonalexperiencewhichthenmightleadtomarriage.Onthecontrary,marriagewascontractedbyconventioneitherbythePart2_T5respectivefamilies,orbyamarriagebroker,orwithoutthehelpofsuchintermediaries;itwasconcludedonthebasisofsocialconsiderations,andlovewassupposedtodeveloponcethemarriagehadbeenconcluded.InthelastfewgenerationstheconceptofromanticlovehasbecomealmostuniversalintheWesternworld.IntheUnitedStates,whileconsiderationsofaconventionalnaturearenotentirelyabsent,toavastextentpeopleareinsearchof“romanticlove,〞ofthepersonalexperienceoflovewhichthenshouldleadtomarriage.Thisnewconceptoffreedominlovemusthavegreatlyenhancedtheimportanceoftheobjectasagainsttheimportanceofthefunction.Part2_T6Closelyrelatedtothisfactorisanotherfeaturecharacteristicofcontemporaryculture.Ourwholecultureisbasedontheappetiteforbuying,ontheideaofamutuallyfavorableexchange.Modernman’shappinessconsistsinthethrilloflookingattheshopwindows,andinbuyingallthathecanaffordtobuy,eitherforcashoroninstallments.He(orshe)looksatpeopleinasimilarway.Forthemananattractivegirl—andforthewomananattractiveman—aretheprizestheyareafter.“Attractive〞usuallymeansanicepackageofqualitieswhicharepopularandsoughtafteronthepersonalitymarket.Whatspecificallymakesapersonattractivedependsonthefashionofthetime,physicallyaswellasmentally.Part2_T7Duringthetwenties,adrinkingandsmokinggirl,toughandsexy,wasattractive;todaythefashiondemandsmoredomesticityandcoyness.Attheendofthenineteenthandthebeginningofthiscentury,amanhadtobeaggressiveandambitious—todayhehastobesocialandtolerant—inordertobeanattractive“package.〞Atanyrate,thesenseoffallinginlovedevelopsusuallyonlywithregardtosuchhumancommoditiesasarewithinreachofone’sownpossibilitiesforexchange.Iamoutforabargain;theobjectshouldbedesirablefromthestandpointofitssocialvalue,andatthesametimePart2_T8shouldwantme,consideringmyovertandhiddenassetsandpotentialities.Twopersonsthusfallinlovewhentheyfeeltheyhavefoundthebestobjectavailableonthemarket,consideringthelimitationsoftheirownexchangevalues.Often,asinbuyingrealestate,thehiddenpotentialitieswhichcanbedevelopedplayaconsiderableroleinthisbargain.Inacultureinwhichthemarketingorientationprevails,andinwhichmaterialsuccessistheoutstandingvalue,thereislittlereasontobesurprisedthathumanloverelationsfollowthesamepatternofexchangewhichgovernsthecommodityandthelabormarket.Thethirderrorleadingtotheassumptionthatthereisnothingtobelearnedaboutloveliesintheconfusionbetweentheinitialexperienceof“falling〞inlove,andthepermanentstateofbeinginlove,oraswemightbettersay,of“standing〞inlove.Iftwopeoplewhohavebeenstrangers,asallofusare,suddenlyletthewallbetweenthembreakdown,andfeelclose,feelone,thismomentofonenessisoneofthemostexhilarating,mostexcitingexperiencesinlife.Itisallthemorewonderfulandmiraculousforpersonswhohavebeenshutoff,isolated,withoutlove.Thismiracleofsuddenintimacyisoftenfacilitatedifitiscombinedwith,orinitiatedby,sexualattractionandconsummation.Part2_T9Part2_T10However,thistypeofloveisbyitsverynaturenotlasting.Thetwopersonsbecomewellacquainted,theirintimacylosesmoreandmoreitsmiraculouscharacter,untiltheirantagonism,theirdisappointments,theirmutualboredomkillwhateverisleftoftheinitialexcitement.Yet,inthebeginningtheydonotknowallofthis,infact,theytaketheintensityoftheinfatuation,thisbeing“crazy〞abouteachother,forproofoftheintensityoftheirlove,whileitmayonlyprovethedegreeoftheirprecedingloneliness.Thisattitude—thatnothingiseasierthantolove—hascontinuedtobetheprevalentideaaboutloveinspiteoftheoverwhelmingevidencetothecontrary.Thereishardlyanyactivity,anyenterprise,whichisstartedwithsuchtremendoushopesandexpectations,andyet,whichfailssoregularly,aslove.Ifthiswerethecasewithanyotheractivity,peoplewouldbeeagertoknowthereasonsforthefailure,andtolearnhowonecoulddobetter—ortheywouldgiveuptheactivity.Sincethelatterisimpossibleinthecaseoflove,thereseemstobeonlyoneadequatewaytoovercomethefailureoflove—toexaminethereasonsforthisfailure,andtoproceedtostudythemeaningoflove.Part2_T11Part2_T12Thefirststeptotakeistobecomeawarethatloveisanartjustaslivingisanart;ifwewanttolearnhowtolovewemustproceedinthesamewaywehavetoproceedifwewanttolearnanyotherart,saymusic,painting,carpentry,ortheartofmedicineorengineering.Whatarethenecessarystepsinlearninganyart?Theprocessoflearninganartcanbedividedconvenientlyintotwoparts;one,themasteryofthetheory;theother,themasteryofthepractice.IfIwanttolearntheartofmedicine,Imustfirstknowthefactsaboutthehumanbody,andaboutvariousdiseases.WhenIhaveallthistheoreticalknowledge,Iambynomeanscompetentintheartofmedicine.IshallPart2_T13becomeamasterinthisartonlyafteragreatdealofpractice,untileventuallytheresultsofmytheoreticalknowledgeandtheresultsofmypracticeareblendedintoone—myintuition,theessenceofthemasteryofanyart.But,asidefromlearningthetheoryandpractice,thereisathirdfactornecessarytobecomingamasterinanyart—themasteryoftheartmustbeamatterofultimateconcern;theremustbenothingelseintheworldmoreimportantthantheart.Thisholdstrueformusic,formedicine,forcarpentry—andforlove.And,maybe,hereliestheanswertothequestionofwhypeopleinourculturetrysorarelytolearnthisart,inspiteoftheirobviousPart2_T14failures,inspiteofthedeep-seatedcravingforlove,almosteverythingelseisconsideredtobemoreimportantthanlove,success,prestige,money,power—almostallourenergyisusedforthelearningofhowtoachievetheseaims,andalmostnonetolearntheartofloving.Coulditbethatonlythosethingsareconsideredworthyofbeinglearnedwithwhichonecanearnmoneyorprestige,andthatlove,which“only〞profitsthesoul,butisprofitlessinthemodernsense,isaluxurywehavenorighttospendmuchenergyon?anicepackageofqualities:Justaspeoplelookforanattractivecombinationofqualitieswhenshoppingforaparticularproduct,theyusethesamestrategywhen“shopping〞foramate,i.e.theylookfortherightmixtureoffeatureswhich,allwrapped-upinonepersonlikeaneatpackage,makesthatpersondesirable,(acovetedcommodity).theVictorianage:theperiodofthereignofQueenVictoriaofGreatBritain(1819-1901)Thispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralpremiseswhicheithersinglyorcombinedtendtoupholdit:Thispeculiarattitudeissupportedbyseveralassumptionsaboutlove,whichmostpeople,generally,believeoneormoreof.NotesPart2_TA_Notes1Part2_TA_Notes2themasteryofartmustbeamatterofultimateconcern:inordertofindlove,peoplemustfirstmastertheartoflove,whichisfarmoreimportant,andwithoutwhichlovewillalwaysremainelusive.Notestheinitialexperienceof“falling〞inlove,andthepermanentstateofbeinginlove,oraswemightbettersay,of“standing〞inlove:“falling〞inloveisaninstantaneousexperiencewhentwopersonsaresuddenlyattractedtoeachotheratfirstsight;“standing〞inlove,however,isthelong-lastinglovetwopeopleholdcontinuouslyforeachotheroveralifetime.bestarvedforsth.:behungryforsth.;suffergreatlybecausesomeoneisnotgettingenoughofsth.inpursuitofsb./sth.:pursingsb.orsth.holdtrueforsth.:certainlyapplytosth.;haveaneffectonPhrasesandExpressionsPart2_TA_PhrasesandExpressions1愛是一門藝術(shù)嗎？Part2_TA_t1愛一門藝術(shù)呢，還是一種快感呢？如果是一門藝術(shù)，它就需要知識和努力；而要體驗(yàn)快感那么全憑造化，唯幸運(yùn)兒才能“墜入愛河〞。如今多數(shù)人無疑相信后一種觀點(diǎn)，但這本小書卻是基于前一種假定的。這并不是說人們認(rèn)為愛不重要。人們渴望著愛，他們看不計(jì)其數(shù)的描寫幸福和不幸愛情故事的電影，他們聽數(shù)以百計(jì)的毫無價(jià)值的愛情歌曲——然而幾乎沒有人認(rèn)為關(guān)于愛還有什么需要學(xué)習(xí)的東西。TranslationoftheText埃里克·弗羅姆Part2_TA_t2這種奇特的態(tài)度基于幾個前提，這些前提往往單獨(dú)地或相互結(jié)合地支持著這種態(tài)度。多數(shù)人認(rèn)為所謂愛主要是“被愛〞的問題，而不是“愛人〞的問題，不是自己有沒有愛的能力的問題。所以，他們認(rèn)為問題在于如何被愛，如何變得可愛。他們通過幾種途徑來到達(dá)這一目的。其中尤為男士們所喜用的是取得成功，在自己的社會地位允許的范圍內(nèi)獲得最大的權(quán)力和財(cái)富。而尤為女士們所喜用的是盡力塑造體形，注重衣著等，從而使自己更有吸引力。另外一些使自己更有吸引力的方式，那么為男女所共同采用，如使自己舉止得體，談吐幽默，以及樂于助人、謙虛隨和等。很多讓自己變得可愛的方式和使自己事業(yè)有成的途徑相同，如“贏得朋友，影響他人〞等。其實(shí)，在我們的文化中，大多數(shù)所謂的可愛，實(shí)質(zhì)上是既要討人喜歡，又要具有性的魅力。Part2_TA_t3導(dǎo)致“愛不需要學(xué)習(xí)〞這種看法的第二個前提是：人們想當(dāng)然地認(rèn)為，愛的問題在于“對象〞，而不在于“能力〞。他們認(rèn)為“愛〞是簡單的，而找到愛或被愛的適宜對象卻很困難。造成這種態(tài)度有幾個原因，它們的根源在于現(xiàn)代社會的開展。其中一個原因是：在20世紀(jì)，對“愛的對象〞的選擇發(fā)生了重大變化。在維多利亞時代，如同在很多傳統(tǒng)文化中一樣，一般說來，愛情并不是一種最終可能會導(dǎo)致婚姻的自然產(chǎn)生的個人體驗(yàn)。恰恰相反，婚姻是按傳統(tǒng)習(xí)俗訂好的，或通過雙方家庭或通過一個媒人，也可能不需要這類中間人的幫助；婚姻是在考慮社會需要的根底上決定的，一旦結(jié)了婚，愛情就自然開展起來。在過去幾代人中，浪漫愛情的觀念已在西方世界變得極為普遍。在美國，雖然傳統(tǒng)性質(zhì)的考慮并未完全消除，但很大程度上人們卻在尋求“浪漫愛情〞，尋求導(dǎo)致婚姻的那種個人的愛情體驗(yàn)。這種自由戀愛的新概念一定大大增加了“對象〞相對于“功能〞的重要性。Part2_TA_t4同這一因素密切相關(guān)的是當(dāng)代文化特有的另一個特點(diǎn)。我們的整個文化是以購置欲和互惠交換的理念為根底的?，F(xiàn)代人的幸福在于看著商店櫥窗時的興奮，在于用現(xiàn)金或分期付款購的方式購置所有他們買得起的東西。于是，他〔或她〕也以同樣的方式去看人。對男人來說，有魅力的女孩子是他要追求的對象，而有魅力的男人對于女人也同樣如此?！坝绪攘Θ曂ǔＲ馕吨趥€性市場上那些人們喜歡并追求的一組優(yōu)秀的品質(zhì)。特別使人有魅力的東西，無論是精神上還是物質(zhì)上，都是由時代的風(fēng)氣所決定的。在20年代，一個抽煙、喝酒、潑辣、性感的女孩是有魅力的；今天的風(fēng)氣更多地要求賢惠和嬌羞。19世紀(jì)末和本世紀(jì)初，男人必須雄心勃勃、敢作敢為才能稱得上有魅力，而如今男人那么必須善于交際、寬容大度。無論如何，通常只有在這些人性化的商品在自身有可能進(jìn)行交換的情況下，才會培養(yǎng)起愛上某人的感覺。我一心要做一筆交易；對象不但應(yīng)有合意的社會價(jià)值，同時考慮到我本人公開和隱蔽的資Part2_TA_t5產(chǎn)和潛在能力，對象也應(yīng)該需要我。這樣，當(dāng)兩個人考慮到自身交換價(jià)值的局限，認(rèn)為自己已經(jīng)在市場上找到了最好的對象時，他們就開始戀愛了。像購置不動產(chǎn)一樣，能開展的潛力在這種交易中常常起著相當(dāng)大的作用。在一個市場導(dǎo)向占主導(dǎo)地位，物質(zhì)上的成功具有突出價(jià)值的文化中，人的愛情關(guān)系遵循商品和勞動力市場支配交換的同一模式，也就缺乏為奇了。導(dǎo)致愛無需學(xué)習(xí)這一看法的第三個錯誤，在于將“愛上〞一個人的初始體驗(yàn)和“愛〞一個人〔或不妨說是“處于〞愛一個人〕的永久性狀態(tài)混為一談。如果兩個素昧平生的人〔我們都是素昧平生的〕突然讓他們之間的那堵墻倒塌，感覺越來越親密，最后感覺像一個人一樣，這種像一個人一樣的時刻是一生中最令人愉快、最令人沖動的經(jīng)歷之一。對于那些與世隔絕、孤獨(dú)而沒有愛的人來說，它更是美妙和神奇的。這種突然親近的奇跡，如果與性的吸引和性的完美結(jié)合起來，或者為性的吸Part2_TA_t6沒有比愛更容易的事了——這種態(tài)度一直是有關(guān)愛的流行看法，盡管大量的證據(jù)說明事實(shí)恰恰相反。幾乎沒有什么活動、什么事業(yè)像愛情那樣帶著如此巨大的希望與期待開始，而又如此經(jīng)常以失敗告終。如果從事任何一件其他的活動出現(xiàn)這種情況，人們會渴望知道失敗的原因，渴望學(xué)會怎樣才能做得更好——或者他們會放棄這種活動。既然在愛的問題上不可能選擇放棄，看來只有一種適宜的方式來克服愛的失敗了——這就是研究失敗的原因，并進(jìn)而探討愛的意義。引和性的完美所引發(fā)，常常會變得很容易。但這種愛情自身的性質(zhì)決定了它是不會長久的。兩個人相互熟識了，他們的親近關(guān)系也就越來越失去了其神奇性，直到最后他們的敵對、他們的失望，他們的相互厭煩把所剩不多的最初的激情也扼殺掉了。然而，開始時他們對此卻一無所知：事實(shí)上，他們把彼此間的極度迷戀，相互為對方“瘋狂〞的狀態(tài)當(dāng)成了強(qiáng)烈愛情的明證，而實(shí)際上這也許只是證明了他們以前是多么的孤獨(dú)。Part2_TA_t7學(xué)習(xí)任何一門藝術(shù)的必要步驟是什么呢？學(xué)習(xí)一門藝術(shù)的過程可以很方便地分為兩個局部：一是掌握理論；二是精于實(shí)踐。如果我想學(xué)醫(yī)，就必須首先了解有關(guān)人體和各種疾病的事實(shí)。但即使我掌握了所有這些理論知識，我在醫(yī)術(shù)上仍然是無法勝任的。只有經(jīng)過大量的實(shí)踐，直到最后我的理論知識的成果和實(shí)踐的成果融為一體，形成了直覺〔這是掌握任何一門技藝的本質(zhì)〕，我才能成為這門技藝的一位大師。但是除了學(xué)習(xí)理論和進(jìn)行實(shí)踐外，精通任何技藝還必須有第三種因素，即對這門技藝的掌握必須是頭等大事；世上再沒有比這門技藝更重要的事了。這一點(diǎn)適用于音樂、藥學(xué)、木工，也同樣適用于愛。在我們的文化中，人們盡管在愛的方面明顯地屢遭失敗，卻第一步要做的是要意識到，正如生活是一門藝術(shù)一樣，“愛〞也是一門藝術(shù)；如果我們想要學(xué)會如何去愛，我們就必須像學(xué)習(xí)其他任何一門藝術(shù)，如音樂、繪畫、木工或者藥學(xué)、工程那樣，采取同樣的方式。Part2_TA_t8仍很少去學(xué)習(xí)這門技藝，其原因也許就在這里：雖然內(nèi)心深處都渴望愛，卻認(rèn)為其他任何事情都比愛更重要，如成功、聲望、金錢、權(quán)力；我們幾乎把所有的精力都用來學(xué)習(xí)怎樣去實(shí)現(xiàn)這些目標(biāo)，而幾乎不花費(fèi)任何精力來學(xué)習(xí)愛的藝術(shù)。這會不會是因?yàn)槿藗冋J(rèn)為只有那些能用來贏得金錢和聲望的東西才值得學(xué)習(xí)，而愛“僅僅〞有益于心靈，卻不能帶來現(xiàn)代意義上的收益，所以就成了我們沒有權(quán)利為之消耗過多精力的一種奢侈品呢？Part2_TA1_thispeculiarThispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralpremiseswhicheithersinglyorcombinedtendtoupholdit.Thispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralassumptionsaboutlove,which,whethertakenoneorall,seemtobackitup.Part2_TA2_theproblemTheproblemofloveistheproblemofanobject,nottheproblemofafaculty.Theproblemofloveishowtofindtherightpersontolove,nottheabilitytoloveaperson.Part2_TA2_lovewassupposed...lovewassupposedtodeveloponcethemarriagehadbeenconcluded.itwasassumedthatonceyougotmarried,lovewoulddevelopaccordinglyPart2_TA2_todaythefashion...todaythefashiondemandsmoredomesticityandcoyness.todaywomenwhoareshyandcaremoreaboutthehomethantheirprofessionaremoreattractivetomenPart2_TA2_atanyrateAtanyrate,thesenseoffallinginlovedevelopsusuallyonlywithregardtosuchhumancommoditiesasarewithinreachofone’sownpossibilitiesforexchange.Inanycase,apersonusuallyfallsinloveonlywiththosepartnersfromwhomoneislikelytogetwhatonewantsbasedonwhatoneisabletooffer.Part2_TA2_thereishardlyThereishardlyanyactivity,anyenterprise,whichisstartedwithsuchtremendoushopesandexpectations,andyet,whichfailssoregularly,aslove.Fewexperiencesorundertakings,otherthanlove,beginwithsomanyhighhopesandplansforthefutureyetendsoofteninfailure.Part2_TA3_themastery...themasteryofartmustbeamatterofultimateconcern…inordertotrulylove,peoplemustmakelearninghowtomastertheartofloveoneofthemostimportantthingsintheirlifePart2_TA4_coulditbeCoulditbethatonlythosethingsareconsideredworthyofbeinglearnedwithwhichonecanearnmoneyorprestige,andthatlove,which“only〞profitsthesoul,butisprofitlessinthemodernsense,isaluxurywehavenorighttospendmuchenergyon?Doesthismeanthatwhensomethingcanbringusmoneyorfame,we’lldoourbesttolearnit,butsincelovecanonlycomfortusspiritually,wedon’tfeelwecanaffordtowasteourenergylearninghowtodoit?Part2_TA7_bestarvedExamples:bestarvedforsth.—behungryforsth.;suffergreatlybecauseoneisnotgettingenoughofsth.InBurma,politicalchangeisurgentasyoungpeoplearenotonlystarvedforintellectualfreedom,butstarvedforthebeliefinameaningfulfutureaswell.Withthemanagementteamstarvedforinformationandbusinessneedschangingrapidly,itwasclearthatexistingmethodsofprovidingresourcestomanagementwerenotmeetingtheneed.Part2_TA8_inpursuitofsb./sht.Examples:inpursuitofsb./sth.—pursuingsb.orsth.OnMondaySpringHillCollegeannouncedthatthemenandwomen’sheadsoccercoach,WulfKoch,would