2013高考英語書面表達03-01 考場作文評析（4）

1、2013高考英語書面表達03-01：考場作文評析（4）試題來源（江蘇省石莊高級中學(xué)2013屆書面表達指導(dǎo)與練習(xí)）請你根據(jù)下列這幅圖寫一篇英語短文。要求：1.描述圖畫；2.就圖畫所反映的內(nèi)容進行評論或提出自己的建議；3.詞數(shù)：150左右。這是我們仿照北京市高考所出的題目。跟北京卷不同的是本書面表達要求詞數(shù)達到150左右。同時考生可以按照半開放式作文的方法進行寫作，也可以按照開放式作文的方法進行寫作。我們這兒所選的考場習(xí)作為開放式的?！究紙隽?xí)作】 (5)Its funny that the factory is producing thick smoke while smoking is forb

2、idden there. (6)Compared to the amount of smoke given off by the factory, the cigarette smoke is nothing at all. (7)However, actually there exist quite a few people who only know how to restrict others instead of themselves, which is hard to convince others. (8)As an old saying goes “sweep before yo

3、ur own door”. (9)Therefore we must be strict with ourselves before we are strict with others. (10)Only in this way can we build up a harmonious society. 在評析考生考場習(xí)作之前，先讓我們來看一看該書面表達的最基本的要點是什么。1.描述圖片內(nèi)容2.自己的評論【總體評價】全文共10句154字。描述圖片內(nèi)容不僅全面，還為自己的評論打下了伏筆。評論也做到了有理有利有節(jié)。比較好地完成了題目所規(guī)定的任務(wù)。閱卷老師判分為21分（滿分為25分）?！揪唧w評價】【

4、習(xí)作的亮點】 (5)Its funny that the factory is producing thick smoke while smoking is forbidden there.(7)However, actually there exist quite a few people who only know how to restrict others instead of themselves, which is hard to convince others(8)As an old saying goes “sweep before your own door”. 2.高級詞匯

5、的使用較多 vivid生動的thought-provoking發(fā)人深省的forbid禁止exist有，存在restrict限制convince使信服build up建立harmonious和諧的 4.運用對比的手法，增加了文章感染力和說服力。 如：(5)Its funny that the factory is producing thick smoke while smoking is forbidden there. 本句用一個“while”表示了強烈的對比。本句的意思是：這家工廠一邊排放著濃煙，而一邊又要禁止人們抽煙，真是滑稽可笑。緊接著又用對比的手法：(6)Compared to th

6、e amount of smoke given off by the factory, the cigarette smoke is nothing at all.來進一步增強文章的感染力?！玖?xí)作的缺點】1.動詞時態(tài)運用上有錯誤 本篇書面表達所使用的時態(tài)應(yīng)該是現(xiàn)在時。習(xí)作在描述圖畫時，卻犯了致命的錯誤。第（3）（4）兩句時態(tài)運用上混亂。而且又是在第一段，這樣給閱卷老師留下了很不好的印象。如果閱卷老師不耐心繼續(xù)看下去的話，恐怕這位考生的習(xí)作得分數(shù)最多不會超過17分。(3)Then a man wandering around the factory with a cigarette in his

7、 mouth, feels confused when he notices the non-smoking sign on the wall. (4)He wonders /is wondering why what the factory does doesnt agree with what it says?2.本習(xí)作運用的復(fù)雜句過多，不僅給人以故弄玄虛之嫌，而且使文章過于呆板，顯得不是那么錯落有致。 根據(jù)以上兩點我們將習(xí)作修改如下： 【修改后的習(xí)作】參考答案1(評論式) What the picture above reflects is a common phenomenon whi

8、ch should be taken into consideration. In our daily life, some people make rules to restrict others but on the contrary, they often break the rules. For example, parents urge their kids not to play electronic games while they often play them even when they are having meals. Shouldnt parents set an e

9、xample to their kids?Nowadays, there exist quite a few people who are strict with others, yet tolerant to themselves. And it is hard to convince others. So in my opinion, only if we should be more strict with ourselves will we qualify for asking others for much.參考答案2(建議式)This is a funnand incture. In the picture, a young man is smoking happily in a factory when he sees a sign which means “No smoking” on the wall. But he finds that the factory is giving off large quantities of heavy smoke whic