靚麗語言體現(xiàn)細節(jié)魅力

1、PAGE 9 -靚麗語言，體現(xiàn)細節(jié)魅力彭文國【問題導(dǎo)讀】讀后續(xù)寫的根本是講述故事。故事的講述需要設(shè)定主題，需要有好的情節(jié)來表達主題。而要有效地傳達主旨，完美地表達情節(jié)，最終還是要落實語言的運用。沒有貼切的、富有情感的語言，就不能有效地表達情節(jié)。從中國學(xué)生的英語學(xué)習(xí)情況來看，讀懂原文并根據(jù)作者的主題思想設(shè)置情節(jié)都沒有很大的問題。我們最大的問題在于詞匯量匱乏，不能很好地表達自己的思想。那么，什么樣的語言是有效的語言呢？我們?nèi)绾尾拍苷莆沼行У恼Z言呢？【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】1.續(xù)寫的用詞要和原文保持一致，包括詞匯的風(fēng)格、色彩、語氣、結(jié)構(gòu)等。因此，我們在續(xù)寫時要對原文有深刻的理解和感受。高考試題的原文大都來自外刊

2、，但是都經(jīng)過特別的改編，適用于中國的高中生。具體來說，其用詞一般都是在3，500個單詞之內(nèi)。因此，我們續(xù)寫的用詞都要在這個范圍之內(nèi)。不過分追求“高大上”的生澀單詞，以免和原文脫節(jié)。因此，在平時的學(xué)習(xí)和練習(xí)中，我們對原文要特別重視。在動手續(xù)寫之前，我們要對原文的用詞有深刻的理解。最好對原文的用詞進行歸納匯總，如，心理描寫、動作描寫等。這樣我們就會對原文有更清晰的認(rèn)識。2.積累豐富的詞匯素材。只有掌握了豐富的詞匯，我們才能在寫作中游刃有余，才能充分表達原文中作者設(shè)定的思想情感和主旨。語言是很感性的，讀的文章多了，我們就自然會產(chǎn)生“書卷氣”，就有了表達的自信。我們也可以主動地去系統(tǒng)性地形成自己的詞匯

3、庫。我們可以有意識地去建立一個比較清晰的詞匯網(wǎng)絡(luò)。如，描述心理的詞匯，包括開心、生氣、激動、緊張等情緒的表達。再如，表示動作的詞匯，包括各種各樣的說、各種各樣的走、各種各樣的看，等等。有了豐富的詞匯積累，我們在表達時就會更從容，表達也會更貼切。3.寫作用詞要恰當(dāng)、順暢、達義。不要刻意追求用詞的“生冷”，更不要根據(jù)某部詞典的漢語釋義而輕易地用詞。我們的用詞要符合語境，符合原文用詞的色彩?！景咐龑?dǎo)引】閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。AcoupleofmonthsbeforeIstartedhighschool，myparentsgavemethegreatestgift

4、anyteenageboycouldaskfor：acellphone.Ilivedonthatcellphoneallsummerwithmyfaceburiedinitsscreen.Itextedeveryfriendwhowasluckyenoughtohaveacellphone.Iignoredmyfamilyandmysurroundings.Beingconnectedwasmoreimportantthanbeingpresent.SoyoucanimaginemydispleasurewhenIlearnedwhatmydadhadplannedforourfamilyva

5、cationthatyear.“Thisyear，”mydadsaid，“wellbedoingsomethingspecial.Weregoingcamping！”Hisexcitementmetwithadisappointedsigh.Itwasntmydreamvacation，andIremainedunbotheredthroughoutthepackingandplanning.Mymindwasonmycellphone.Iwassoburiedinthescreen，infact，thatthefirsttimeIcouldremembertrulylookingupwasw

6、henwedroveacrossabridgeonthewaytoourcampsite.Istaredoutthewindowandsawredwoodstoweringaboveus，theirbranchesthreateningtopierce（刺破）thebluesky.Isawaroaringriver，withsliversofsilkyblackwaterappearingbetweencrashingwhiterapids.Theairblowingintothecarfromtheopenwindowswashotandsmell?edofpine.Butnoneoftha

7、tmatteredtome.ThereasonwhyIhadlookedupwasforsomethingfarmoreserious：mycellphonenolongerhadservice.Thelasthourofthedrivewasincreasinglytense.Mydadannouncedthathehadchosenacampsitethathadnocellphoneservice，andthatmycellphonewouldbeuselessuntilwereturnedhome.Iwouldbetrappedintheforestforfourdayswithnow

8、aytocontacttheoutsideworld！Iwentthroughthefullcycleofteenageemotionsduringthefirstdayofthetrip.Iraged（發(fā)怒）.Ibargained.Ibegged.Iflip?flopped（轉(zhuǎn)變）fromadepressivestatetoanger.Iwenttobedangrilythatnight.ButwhenIawokeinthemorning，somethinghadchanged.注意：1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。Paragraph1：In

9、steadofburyingmyselfinmycellphone，Ifocusedonsomethingelse：mysurroundings.Paragraph2：Thefollowingdayspassedinaflashwithmanyfunactivities.一、原文故事的基本要素基本要素whomyfather，IwhenduringacampvacationwhatIwasaddictedtomycellphoneandignoredmyfamilyandsurroundings.二、原文故事的情節(jié)發(fā)展1.Myparentsboughtmeacellphonejustbefore

10、myhighschool.2.Iquicklygotaddictedtothecellphoneandforgoteverythingaroundme.3.Myfatherannouncedthatourfamilywouldgooutcampingduringthevacation.4.IwasreallydisappointedattheplanbecauseIjustwantedtostaywiththecellphone.5.DuringthejourneyIjustfocusedonmycellphoneexcepttheshortmomentwhenmycellphonewasou

11、tofservice.6.IwasevenangrywhenIknewwewouldstayinacampsitethathadnocellphoneservice.情節(jié)發(fā)展三、原文故事中的巧妙用詞1.Ilivedonthatcellphoneallsummerwithmyfaceburiedinitsscreen.此處用了動詞詞組livedon和介詞詞組withmyfaceburiedinitsscreen。文章在此處主要是為了表達“我”對手機的沉迷。而livedon和buriedin非常貼切地表現(xiàn)了“我”沉迷于手機的情景。2.Beingconnectedwasmoreimportantth

12、anbeingpresent.此句意為“（在手機上的）聯(lián)系遠比在場（的人或環(huán)境）重要得多”。這里用動名詞作主語和介詞賓語，形象地表現(xiàn)了當(dāng)時作者沉迷于手機的狀況。3.Hisexcitementmetwithadisappointedsigh.本句用了兩個名詞，對比了“我”和父親的兩種態(tài)度：父親是excitement，而“我”是disappointedsigh。4.Butnoneofthatmatteredtome.此句意為“但是這一切都與我無關(guān)”。本句用了matter，非常形象地表現(xiàn)了作者當(dāng)時對窗外景色的漠視，仍然沉迷于手機的狀態(tài)。四、續(xù)寫故事的設(shè)計與語言運用續(xù)寫第一段的段首句是“Instead

13、ofburyingmyselfinmycellphone，Ifocusedonsomethingelse：mysurroundings.”。根據(jù)段首句的提示，本段要重點描述“我”看到的周圍環(huán)境的情況。對我們而言，理解故事情節(jié)不是很難，最重要的是要用合適的、精巧的語言描寫環(huán)境。選擇的詞匯要既能展示環(huán)境的優(yōu)美，又能表現(xiàn)“我”發(fā)現(xiàn)了周圍環(huán)境的美之后的心境變化。此處可以有對自然環(huán)境和聲音的描述，可以有對動植物的描述，同時要體現(xiàn)“我”的心情的變化。在自然環(huán)境方面，我們可以用thesweetair、thepuresky、thecharmingvalley、themurmuringofrunningwate

14、r、thebeautifulsoundofthewilderness、thebirdsandbugscreatingamagicworld、bothloudandpeaceful等。這些詞看上去很常見，但是充分表現(xiàn)了自然之美，可以很好地展示自然的力量，為“我”的心情的轉(zhuǎn)變做好鋪墊。而在心情的變化上，我們也要注意用詞的遞進，確切地表達“我”的心情的變化，如anger、peace、interest、enjoy、excitement、fullsatisfaction.續(xù)寫第二段的段首句是“Thefollowingdayspassedinaflashwithmanyfunactivities.”。續(xù)寫

15、第一段主要是對靜態(tài)的自然之美的描述。而根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的段首句可知，本段主要描述的是人物的動態(tài)活動。我們可以在續(xù)寫第一段對靜態(tài)美的描述的基礎(chǔ)上，在“我”的心態(tài)發(fā)生了變化的前提下，進行動態(tài)的描述。動作用詞可以有hike、swim、fish等。同時可以有對具體的細節(jié)活動的描述，如climbthemountainwithalightheart、watchthebirdswithapeacefulmind、startafire、cookdeliciousandspecialmeals、laughhappily、sharestories、watchstars、observeflowersandbutter

16、flies等。這一切都為最后成功地表達“我”深深地感受到了這次野營的美好做好了準(zhǔn)備?！痉段男蕾p】Paragraph1：Insteadofburyingmyselfinmycellphone，Ifocusedonsomethingelse：mysurroundings.Iheardthebeautifulsoundofthewilderness.Iheardthebirdsandbugscreatingamagicworldthatwasbothloudandpeacefulatthesametime.Myangergraduallyturnedtopeace，thenlittleinteres

17、tand，finally，excitement.Standingonthehighcampsite，IfelttheweightofstressmeltfrommyshouldersasIviewedthevastlandthatunfoldedbelowme.Thebeautifulandtouchingsightthatmetmystartledeyesnearlytookmybreathaway.Forthefirsttime，Ithoughtcampinginaplacethathadnocellphoneservicemightnotbesobadbutareallyenjoyabl

18、eexperience.Paragraph2：Thefollowingdayspassedinaflashwithmanyfunactivities.Ientirelyforgotaboutthecellphone，totallyoccupiedmyselfwithhiking，swimmingandfishing，allthewonderfulthingsthatIhadneverthoughtofbefore.MydadandIlearnedhowtostartafiretogetherafterseveralfalsestarts.WecookedtogetherandIatethesw

19、eetestmarshmallowsIhadevertasted.Dadtoldmestoriesofhislife，storiesIhadneverheardorperhapsIhadntbeenlistening.Whentheweekendcametoanend，IrealizedIhadntthoughtofmycellphoneonce.Ihadntfelttheneedtobeconnectedtoanywhereelse.ItdawnedonmethatwhatmatteredmostwasthetimeIwassharingwithjustmyfatherandnature.【

20、模擬導(dǎo)練】閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事?！癘K，everybody.Itsthattimeofyear，”saidmyscienceteacher，MrBeal.“ThisFridaywellhavetheannualEggDropChallenge.Bringyourbestcontainerstoclass.Youcanworkaloneorworktogether.”MrBealsfifth?gradeEggDropChallengewasaninstitutionatmyschool.ThegoaloftheChallengewassimpleyouhad

21、tobuildaprotectivecontainertokeepaneggfrombreakingwhendroppingontothestadiumground.Mybestfriend，Cassie，andIgrinnedateachother.Wealwaysworkedonpro?jectstogether.Shesbrainy;Imcreative.Weretheperfectcombination，likepeanutbutterandmarshmallowcream，whichhappenstobemyfavoritekindofsandwiches.Imademyfavori

22、tesandwichthatafternoonwhilewaitingforCassietocomeoverandworkonthecontainer.Spreadingthefluffymarshmallowcreamgavemeanidea.“Ihaveabrilliantdesignforoureggcontainer！”IsaidwhenCassiearrived.Shelookedatmeeagerly.“Wecancushionitwithsomemarshmallowcream.Youknow，toabsorbtheshockoftheimpact，”Iexplained.“Youvegottobekidding，Laura，”Cassieexclaimed.“Youhaveabetteridea？”Isaid.Cassiepointedtoasketchinhernotebook.“Actually，Ido.Weputtheegginabasketwithaparachuteattach