助記課講義主體段第一題兜兜

1、強(qiáng)哥0205期結(jié)構(gòu)班主體段第一題講評(píng)課-信強(qiáng)哥雅思過主體段作業(yè)-1Some advertising are quite misleading to children.請(qǐng)給這個(gè)分論點(diǎn)寫些擴(kuò)展，要求 60-80 words課前總結(jié)偏題跑題的少了點(diǎn)語法錯(cuò)誤多了點(diǎn)！強(qiáng)哥的講義放在那是用來墊桌角的嗎？！好好把講義復(fù)習(xí)好了再交作業(yè)啊混蛋！寫不了長(zhǎng)難句你就不要寫呀混蛋！_微笑_children may buy (1)any products without thinking quality or adaptability (2)just because they(3) are blind to chase

2、for certain movie star or singer.in addition,it would cause unnecessary waste(4) due to children who are misled by the propaganda of ads. .which may exaggerate the effect of products (5)based on immature outlook of value.whats more,(6)affecting children grow healthily.Any這里是任何的意思， products 改為product

3、加一個(gè)of the productsBe blind to 后面一般接sth， 用在這里不合適，改成they blindly chase some movie stars or sings(都用復(fù)數(shù)) in the advertisements（要說明這些明星是出現(xiàn)在廣告中的）Due to這里，是孩子被廣告宣傳誤導(dǎo)這件事導(dǎo)致不必要的浪費(fèi)，而不是孩子本身，改成 due to the fact that children are misled by .Based on immature outlook of value 這里based on（基于）用在這里不恰當(dāng)，改為since childrens

4、 outlook of value is still immature句子成分殘缺， 改為children may not grow up healthily under the effect of misleading advertisements. 這里的突然冒出來這么一句，也沒有解釋，而且我們這里要論證為什么廣告會(huì)誤導(dǎo)孩子，而不是誤導(dǎo)性的廣告會(huì)有什么影響除了語法，最大的問題還是在邏輯上，思路太跳躍，真正論證廣告誤導(dǎo)性的內(nèi)容比較的單薄，敘述也不夠完整燦-皓月之善Some advertising are quiet misleading to children. They usually p

5、resent contents that (1)out of childrens current (2)knowledge category. Since the intrinsic ability of children, they may imitate some adults (3)behavior from advertising, which could result in dangerous effects. In that case, advertising should be regulated to present in a (4)relevant acceptable wa

6、y for people (5)in their early age. For example, some violent scene in video and poster advertising should be banned.缺少?gòu)木涞闹^語， 改為that are out ofCategory強(qiáng)調(diào)的是種類而不是范圍，改為childrens current range of knowledgeBehaviors 用復(fù)數(shù)Relevant這里要用副詞， 而且應(yīng)該用的是relatively，相對(duì)地介詞使用錯(cuò)誤 in 改成at， at their early age大篇幅講的都是誤導(dǎo)性廣告會(huì)造成

7、的后果和要如何解決誤導(dǎo)性廣告的問題，而不是在論證廣告本身的誤導(dǎo)性，側(cè)重點(diǎn)到哪去了呀同學(xué)！建議再繼續(xù)復(fù)習(xí)一下強(qiáng)哥的主體段擴(kuò)展方式，找對(duì)側(cè)重點(diǎn)。語法問題也要注意。 Superb_michiGo(1)Advertising always exerts a subtle influence on us and no one can avoid being influenced by advertisement, especially some immature children. Advertisers have made a close study of human nature and have

8、classified all our little weaknesses. A case in point is that (2)when an advertisement which begins with the magic world FREE or have a luxuriant appearance can rarely go wrong. A very good example is that Durex, (3)have a luxuriant appearance and attractive advertisement it is because this, some in

9、nocent children go to buy it.第一句前后半句說的一個(gè)意思，都是說廣告對(duì)人有影響，語義重復(fù)，刪掉其中一句句式雜糅，改為， when an advertisement includes the magic word (這里是要說神奇的詞，而不是神奇的世界吧)“free”or has a luxuriant appearance, things can rarely go wrong. 句式雜糅， 改為作為一個(gè)插入語放在中間”with a luxuriant appearance and attractive advertisements”邏輯相對(duì)比較清晰但是長(zhǎng)難句還是存

10、在問題， 改寫短句吧！而且你舉durex作為對(duì)孩子誤導(dǎo)性廣告的例子合適么？而且也沒提前出有怎樣的誤導(dǎo)性啊饅頭妞_STURDY(1)Especially when describing the functions of the products, both in food and some other objects.For instance, an advertisement of a kind of (2)spirit juice just showed that the people who have drunk that juice can (3)be much more energy,

11、 jumping higher and running faster. But actually that juice is unhealthy for the children. Besides (4)the foods advertising, there was a little girl (5)played in the ads of some electronic- tutor products said thatstudying es so easy just with that product, (6)which will mislead the children that th

12、ey neednt working hard, merely with such an electronic product. (1) 這句話就是個(gè)when引導(dǎo)的狀語從句而已，不能單獨(dú)成句， 要和前面的分論點(diǎn)主旨句合成一句some advertising are quite misleading to children, especially when .(2) spirit juice是個(gè)啥？能量型飲料energy drink(3) can have much energy, 不是can be much energy(4) the foods advertising 在句子中間作的是什么成分

13、？(5) 句式雜糅，整句改為there was a little girl using an electronic-tutoring products in an advertisements. She said that study(study 本身已經(jīng)有名詞意思) has e so easy just because she used this machine. (6) 句式繼續(xù)雜糅， 改為， which will mislead the children who do not want to work hard and expect to get better scores by usi

14、ng this machine. 邏輯結(jié)構(gòu)挺清晰舉例舉的還比較恰當(dāng)，舉了個(gè)能量飲料的例子舉了個(gè)學(xué)習(xí)機(jī)的例子但是用這么多長(zhǎng)難句，結(jié)果還用錯(cuò)了，還不如用短句好么？！Richardson_BVBSome advertising are quite misleading to Children. Specially, the function of some products in the advertisement has been endlessly exaggerated.A typical example is that a message delivered in a skin care p

15、roduct acclaims that after using their products; the freckles (1)in a persons will disappear instantly. A girl who suffered from freckles in(on) (2)his or her face, due to her innocence, probably chooses to convince herself of such a ridiculous advertisement and spend (3)certain amount money on that

16、 product.成分殘缺， 改為 on ones face前面不是說是女孩了么，怎么又his了？Certain amount (一定量的錢)最好改成 a large amount of money, 突出廣告誤導(dǎo)性會(huì)使他們花很多錢邏輯結(jié)構(gòu)比較清晰，先解釋一些產(chǎn)品的功能被廣告過分夸大了，然后舉了個(gè)護(hù)膚產(chǎn)品的例子。 但是不必要的錯(cuò)誤咱能不犯嗎？！Just-the-Way09Since children have not developed the sufficient ability to tell what is real and what is fictitious, they tend to imitate what the characters do in advertisements.And this can be extremely dangerous to them. This can be illustrated by a piece of news. It was reported that a 7-year-old child was hospitalized for jumping out of the