爆笑英語笑話 中英文對照

英語笑話【Laughter】Recently,Ireceivedacallfromawomanwhowantedtoreplacesomechairofadiningsetboughtfromusinthe1930s.Iassuredherwecouldhelpandsoughttheassistanceoftheofficemanager.“You’llneverbeilevethisone,”Itoldtheofficemanager.“Ijustgotacallfromacustomerwhoboughtsomechairfromusinthe1930s.”BeforeIcouldfinish,heinterruptedandsaid,“Don’ttellmeshehasn’treceivedthemyet!”最近，我接到一個婦女的電話。她上個世紀(jì)30年代從我們這里買了一套餐廳家具，現(xiàn)在想來換一些椅子。我跟她說我們可以幫忙，并向部門經(jīng)理提了出來?！澳憧隙ú粫嘈牛蔽覍Σ块T經(jīng)理說，“我剛接到一個顧客的電話，她在30年代就從我們這買了一些椅子。”我還沒來得及說完，經(jīng)理就打斷我說：“不要告訴我她到現(xiàn)在還沒有收到貨??！”Man:Whydidyoumakewomensobeautiful?God:Sothatyouwilllovethem.Man:Butwhydidyoumakethemsodumb?God:Sothattheywilllovyou.男子：你為什么讓女人生得那么美？上帝：這樣你才會愛上她們呀！男子：可你為什么又讓女人那么笨呢？上帝：這樣她們才會愛上你呀！Father:Istheschoolclosedtoday?Son:No,Dad.It’spoen.Icamehomeearly.Father:Howdidyoudothat?Son:ItoldmyteacherIhadanewbabybrotherandhadtocomehomeandhelpyou.Father:Butyourmotherhashadtwins.You’vegotababybrotherandababysister.Son:Yes,Iknow,Dad.I’msavingupmybabysisterfornextweek.父親：今天學(xué)校放假了嗎？兒子：沒有，爸爸。我提前回來了。父親：為什么？兒子：我跟老師說，我有一個小弟弟，我得回家?guī)湍?。父親：但是你媽媽生了雙胞胎，你有一個小弟弟和一個小妹妹。兒子：是的，我知道，爸爸，我要等下個星期再說我有個小妹妹了。Afterwaitingover3frustratinghoursattheairportforthearrivalofaplanethathadbeendelayedfortake-off,amanapproachedtheboardingdeskandaskedforanarrival-timeupdate.Hewasconcernedbecausehewasmeetinghisnephewandthiswastheboy’s1stflight.＂Howoldistheboy?＂theairlinerepresentativeaskedsolicitously.＂Hewas6whenheleftfortheairport,＂themanrepliedsharply.因飛機(jī)起飛延誤，一個人在機(jī)場等著接人已3個小時了。他走近問詢處打聽飛機(jī)到達(dá)時間的最新消息。他非常著急，因為他是來接侄子的，而侄子是第一次乘飛機(jī)?！澳泻⒍啻罅?？”航空公司的人關(guān)心的問?！八霭l(fā)去機(jī)場時6歲?！彼敛豢蜌獾鼗卮?。DearGod:Ibetitisveryhardtoloveeveryoneinthewholeworld.thereareonly4peopleinourfamilyandI’mhavingfahardtimelovingallofthem.親愛的上帝：我猜愛世界上每一個人是很困難的事。我家只有4個人，可我愛他們都很難。Threefastestmeansofcommuncation:1.Tele-Phone2.Tele-Vision3.Tele-aWomanForfastertransmission-Tellhernottotellanybody.三種最快的傳播方式：1.電話2.電視3.告訴女人如果想要傳播更快，告訴她別跟任何人說。Customer:Everydayyouchargememoneyforacupofcoffee.Itwillbewonderfulifyouservemecoffeefreeofchargetoday.Waiter:Sir,everydayyoudrinkcoffeefromafilledcup.Itwillbewonderfulifyoudrinkitfromanemptycuptoday.顧客：你每天都收我咖啡的錢，要是今天不收就太好了。服務(wù)員：先生，你每天都從盛滿咖啡的杯子里喝咖啡，要是今天從空杯子里喝就好了。Attorney:Shehad3children,right?Witness:Yes.Attorney:Howmanywereboys?Witness:None.Attorney:Werethereanygirls?律師：她有3個孩子，是嗎？證人：是的。律師：幾個男孩？證人：沒有男孩。律師：有女孩嗎？John:Daddy,arecaterpillarsgoodtoeat?Father:HaveInottoldyounevertomentionsuchthingsduringmeals!Mother:Whydidyouaskthequestion,John?John:It’sbecauseIsawoneondaddy’sondaddy’slettuce,butnowit’sgone.約翰：爸爸，毛毛蟲能吃嗎?爸爸：我沒告訴過你不能在吃飯時說這些嗎？媽媽：你為什么問這個呢，約翰？約翰：因為我看到爸爸的生菜里有一只，不過現(xiàn)在沒了。Amangoestoachemistandasksforacurehiccps.Thechemistmakesthemanbendoverandgiveshimahardslaponhisbackandasks,＂Havetheygone?＂Themanreplied,＂Idon’tknow,mywife’sinthecarbutI’llcheck.＂一個男人去問藥劑師怎么治打嗝。要及時讓他彎下腰，然后狠狠地在他背上拍了一下問：“還打嗝嗎？”男人回答：“我不知道，我老婆在車?yán)?，我去看看?！盜nahospitalwaitingroom:Smokinghelpyouloseweight…onelungatatime!醫(yī)院候診室：吸煙有助于減肥，一次減一個肺。Aladynoticedherhusbandstandingonthebathroomscale,suckinginhisstomach.Thinkinghewastryingtoweighlesswiththismaneuver,shecommented,＂Idon’tthinkthat’sgoingtohelp.＂＂Sureitwill,＂hesaid.＂It’stheonlywayIcanseethenumbers.＂一個女人看見丈夫使勁收腹站在體重秤上，以為他想稱得輕一點，就說：“沒用的。”丈夫說：“當(dāng)然有用，這樣我才能看到秤上的數(shù)字?！盇successfulmanisonewhomakesmoremoneythanhiswifecanspend.Asuccessfulwomanisonewhocanfindsuchaman.成功的男人是賺的錢比老婆花的錢多的人，成功的女人是能找到這樣的男人的人。Customer:I’vebeenringing07002300for2daysandcan’tgetthroughtoenquiries,canyouhelp?Operator:Wheredidyougetthatnumberform,sir?Customer:ItwasonthedoortotheTravelCentre.Operator:Sir,theyareouropeninghours.顧客：我撥07002300撥了兩天都沒人接，怎么回事呀？接線員：先生，請問您在哪看到這個號碼的？顧客：旅行社門上。接線員：先生，那是我們的營業(yè)時間。Marriageisthetriumphofimaginationoverintelligence.Secondmarriageisthetriumphofhopeoverexperience.結(jié)婚是幻想戰(zhàn)勝了智慧，二婚是希望戰(zhàn)勝了經(jīng)驗。Tom:HowshouldIconverythenewstomyfatherthatIhavefailedmyexamsagain?David:Youjustsendatelegram:Resultdeclared,pastyear’sperformancerepeated.湯姆：我怎么跟我爸爸說考試掛了呢？大衛(wèi)：發(fā)個電報：結(jié)果已出，去年成績在現(xiàn)。Friend:Howmanywomendoyoubelieveamanmustmarry?Mr.Bean:16.Friend:Why?Mr.Bean:Becausethepriestsay4(for)richer,4poorer,4betterand4worse.朋友：你認(rèn)為男人應(yīng)該娶幾個女人？憨豆先生：16個。朋友：為什么？憨豆先生：因為牧師說4個富的，4個窮的，4個好的，4個壞的。＂CanIgotothetheatre?＂askedamosquitotohermother.＂Yes,butbeawareandpayattentionduringtheapplause.＂“我可以去電影院嗎？”一只蚊子問媽媽?！翱梢裕且⌒?，觀眾鼓掌的時候可要留神?！盇newvacuumcleanersalesmanknockedonthedooratthefirsthouseonthestreet.Beforetheladycouldspeak,theenthusiastcsalesmanbargedintothelivingroomandopenedabigblackplasticbagandpouredallthecowdroppingsontothecarpet.＂Madam,ifIcouldnotcleanthisupwiththeuseofthisnewpowerfulvacuumcleaner,Iwillestitall!＂exclaimedtheeagersalesman.＂Doyouneedchillisauceorketchupwiththat?＂askedthelady.Thebewilderedsalesmanasked,＂Why,madam?＂＂There’snoelectricityinthehouse,＂saidthelady.一個吸塵器推銷員敲開街上第一戶人家的門。女主人還沒來得及說話，推銷員就沖進(jìn)屋子，打開大黑塑料袋，把牛糞倒在地毯上說，“夫人，如果我不能用這個吸塵器清理干凈，就吃掉這些牛糞！”女主人問：“你需要辣椒醬還是番茄醬？”推銷員疑惑的問：“為什么？”女主人說：“屋里沒電。”Ateacherwasgivenaticketfordrivingthrougharedlight.Whensheappearedintrafficcourt,sheaskedthejudgeforimmediateattentiontohercaseasshewasduetobebackinclass.Thejudgelookedathersternlyandsaid,＂So,you’reaschoolteacher?Iamaboutambition.Yousitdownatthattableoverthereandwrite＇Iwentthrougharedlight＇500times!＂一名教師因為闖紅燈被開罰單。她到了交通法庭后，要求法官先處理她的案子，因為她要趕回去上課。法官嚴(yán)厲地看著她說：“你是老師啊，那我終于可以實現(xiàn)我這輩子的愿望了。你坐到桌子那邊去，寫500遍‘我闖紅燈了’！”Interviewer:Imagineyouareinalockedroom,andallthedoorsandwindowsareclosed.Howcanyouescapeiftheroomcatchesfire？John:Simple!Stopimagining.面試官：想像一下，你被鎖在一間屋子里，所有的門窗都關(guān)上了。如果屋子著火了，你怎么逃出去？約翰：簡單，停止想想。Soonaftertheirwedding,thebridetoldhergroom,＂Darling,nowthatwearemarried,Iwantyoutofireyoursecretary.＂＂Buthoney,＂repliedthegroom,＂Youusedtobeasecretaryyouself.＂＂Yes,＂shecontinued,＂andthat’swhyIwantyoutofireher!＂婚禮一結(jié)束，新娘就對新郎說：“心愛的，我想讓你開除你的秘書?！毙吕烧f：“但是，親愛的，你自己以前也是秘書啊?！毙履镎f：“是啊，所以我才讓你開出她?！盇manwasbraggingabouthissisterwhodisguisedherselfasamanandjoinedthearmy.Listenerssaid,＂She’llhavetodresswiththeboysandshowerwiththemtoo.Won’tshe?＂＂Sure,＂repliedtheman.＂Well,won’ttheyfindout?＂Themanshrugged.＂Butwho’lltell?＂一個男人吹牛說他妹妹打扮成男人參軍了。聽的人說：“那她得穿男人的衣服，還得和他們一起洗澡了？”男人人說：“當(dāng)然?！甭牭娜苏f：“那他們不會發(fā)現(xiàn)嗎？”男人聳聳肩說：“但誰會說出去呀？”Teacher:Sam,youtalkalot!Sam:It’safamilytradition.Teacher:Whatdoyoumean?Sam:Sir,Mygrandpawasastreethawker,myfatherisateacher.Teacher:Whataboutyourmother?Sam:She’sawoman.老師：薩姆，你說話太多了！薩姆：這是家庭傳統(tǒng)。老師：什么意思？薩姆：先生，我祖父是街頭小販，我爸爸是老師。老師：那你媽媽呢？薩姆：她是女人。Teacher:WhataresomeproductsoftheWestIndies?Student:Idon’tknow.Teacher:Ofcourse,youdo.Wheredoyougetsugarfrom?Student:Weborrowitfromourneighbor.老師：西印度群島都產(chǎn)什么？學(xué)生：不知道。老師：你當(dāng)然知道。糖從哪來的？學(xué)生：鄰居家借的。JohnwasdrawingmoneyfromanATM.Jack,whowasrightbehindhiminlinesaid,＂Ha!Ha!I’veseenyourpassword.It’s4asterisks.＂Johnreplied,＂Ha!Ha!Youarewrong.it’s1258＂約翰正從自動取款機(jī)取錢。站在他身后的杰克說：“哈哈，我看到了你的密碼了，是４個星?！奔s翰回答說：“哈哈，你錯了，是１２５８”Awomganandherhusbandinterruptedtheirvacationtogotothedentist.＂Iwantatoothpulled,andIdon’twantNovocainbecauseI’minabighurry,＂thewomansaid.Thedentistwasquiteimpressed.＂You’recertainlyacourageouswoman,＂hesaid.＂Whichtoothisit?＂Thewomanturnedtoherhusbandandsaid,＂Showhimyourtoothdear.＂一個女人和丈夫在休假期間去看牙醫(yī)。女人說：“我要拔牙，我們趕時間就不用打麻藥了?！毖泪t(yī)驚訝地說：“您太勇敢了，要拔哪顆？”女人轉(zhuǎn)過頭對丈夫說：“親愛的，給他看看你的牙?！盨anta:Wwhatkindofwifedoyouwant?Pappu:Exactlylikethemoon:onewhichappearsatnightanddisappearsinthemorning!圣誕老人：你想要什么樣的老婆？帕普：像月亮那樣的，晚上出來白天消失。Lawofencounters:Theprobabilltyofmeetingsomeoneyouknowincreaseswhenyouarewithsomeoneyoudon’twanttobeseenwith.相遇定律：你越不想被人碰到跟某人在一起，就越是被人碰到。Lawofqueue:Ifyouchangequeues,theoneyouhaveleftwillstarttomovefasterthantheoneyouareinnow.排隊定律：如果你換一隊，剛離開的那隊就會比現(xiàn)在的這隊走得快。Customer:Waiter,waiter!Thereisafroginmysoup!Waiter:Sory,sir.Theflyisonvacation.顧客：服務(wù)員，服務(wù)員！我的湯里有只青蛙！服務(wù)員：對不起，先生。蒼蠅放假了。Boss:I’llgiveyouRMB3000permonthandin3months,I’llraiseittoRMB6000.Sowhenwouldyouliketostart?John:In3months.老板：我每月給你3000元，3個月后漲到6000元。你想什么時候開始工作。約翰：3個月后。Daughter:Whyaresomeofyourhairswhite,Mom?Mom:Well,everytimethatyoudosomethingwromgandmakemecryorunhappy,oneofmyhairsturnswhite.Daughter:Mom,howcomeallofgrandma’shairsarewhite.女兒：媽媽，你為什么有好幾根白頭發(fā)？媽媽：每次你做錯了事，惹我生氣或是流淚，我就會有根頭發(fā)變白。女兒：媽媽，為什么外婆的頭發(fā)都是白的。Amanentersabakerywithaloafofbread,＂Iboughtthisbreadhere,andittastersbad.＂＂What!＂exclaimedthebaker.＂I’vebeenbakingbreadfor25years!＂Themanreplies,＂Youshouldhavesolditrightaway!＂一個男人拿著一條面包走進(jìn)面包店：“這面包是在你這兒買的，味道很糟糕?！泵姘鼛熃辛似饋恚拔业拿姘呀?jīng)烤25年了?！蹦腥嘶卮鹫f：“那你不應(yīng)該留到現(xiàn)在才賣呀?！盇patientinalunaticasylumisfishinginadrypondwhenanursepassingbytriestoteasehim.＂Howmuchfishhaveyoucaught?＂thenurseasked.＂Areyouinsane?didn’tyounoticethereisnowaterinthepond?＂thepatientquipped.瘋?cè)嗽豪镉幸粋€精神病患者守著一個干涸了的池塘在釣魚。一個護(hù)士從旁邊經(jīng)過，看到這一幕覺得很好笑，邊走上去逗他。“你釣了幾條魚??？”護(hù)士問。這病人嘲弄說：“你有病吧，沒看見這池塘里沒水嗎？”AnAmericasteppedintoagunshopandsaid,＂Givemethemostpowerfulpistolyouhave.＂＂Howmanybulletsdoyouneed?＂＂Waitaminute.＂theAmericasaid.Hethenwalkedintoatelephoneboothandsaidintothephone,＂Hello.Isthisthebank?Howmanypeopledoyouhavethere,please?＂一個美國人走進(jìn)一家槍支商店：“給我拿一直威力最大的手槍?！薄澳枰嗌侔l(fā)子彈？”“請稍等，”那個美國人走進(jìn)公用電話亭，撥通電話：“喂，銀行嗎？請問你們那兒有多少人？”Punctuatethefollowingsentence:Awomanwithouthermanisnothing.Males:Awoman,withoutherman,isnothing.Females:Awoman:withouther,manisnothing.給下面句子加標(biāo)點符號：女人沒有她男人什么都不是。男人：女人，沒有她男人，什么也不是。女人：女人：沒有她，男人什么也不是。Twowomenweretalkingabouttheirnewmilkman.Thefirstsaid,＂He’sverygoodlooking,punctualanddressessoamartly.＂Andsoquicklytoo!＂saidtheother.兩個女人在談?wù)撔聛淼乃团Ｄ坦と?。一個說：“他很帥，很準(zhǔn)時，穿戴也很講究。”另一個女人說：“而且穿得很快?！盩racher:4beautifulgirlsarewalkingontheroad.Changeittoanexclamatorysentence.Studen:WOW!老師：4個漂亮女孩在路上走。把這句話變成感嘆句。學(xué)生：哇！Dortorscanbesofrustrating.Youwaitamonth-and-a-halfforanappointment,andhesays,＂Iwishyou’dcometomesooner.＂醫(yī)生真是讓人煩。你好不容易排了一個半月才看上病，他卻跟你說：“你應(yīng)該在點來。”Passenger:What’stheuseofhaavingatrainscheduleifthetrainsarealwayslate?Railroaddriver:Well,howwouldweknowtheywerelate,ifwedidn’thaveashedule?旅客：火車總是晚點，要列車時刻表還有什么用？貨車司機(jī)：如果沒有時刻表，怎么能知道晚點呢？John:Dad,canyouwriteinthedark?Father:Ithinkso.Whatdoyouwantmetowrite?John:Yournameonthisreporcard.約翰：爸爸，你能在黑暗中寫字嗎？爸爸：應(yīng)該能，你想我讓我寫什么？約翰：在成績單上寫你的名字。Soldier:Sir,wearesurrounded!Major:Excellent!Wecanattackinanydirectionnow!士兵：長官，我們被包圍了！少校：太好了，我們可以向任何方向進(jìn)攻！Boy:Goon,don’tbeshy.Askmeout!Girl:Okay,getout!男孩：接著說，別害羞，叫我出去吧!女孩：好啊，出去！Dad:Son,whatdoyouwantforyourbirthday?Son:Notmuchdad,justaradiowithasportscararoundit.爸爸：兒子，你生日想要什么禮物？兒子：不多，爸爸，就想要一個帶跑車的收音機(jī)。Doctor:Yourhusbandneedsrestandpeace.Herearesomesleepingpills.Wife:WhenmustIgivethemtohim?Doctor:Theyareforyou.醫(yī)生：你丈夫需要安靜地休息。這是安眠藥。老婆：我什么時候給他吃？醫(yī)生：這是給你的。Theycallourlangugethemothestonguebecausethefatheseldomgetstospeak.人們管自己的語言叫母語，因為爸爸很少有機(jī)會說話。Wife:Youknow,IwasafoolwhenImarriedyou.Husband:Yes,dear,butIwasinloveanddid’tnotice.老婆：知道嗎，我嫁給你的時候可真是個傻子。老公：是的，親愛的，我當(dāng)時陷入愛河，沒發(fā)現(xiàn)。Doctor:Hastherebeenanyinsanityinyourfamily?Patient:Yes,husbanthinkshe’stheboss.醫(yī)生：你們家里有精神不正常的人嗎？病人：是的，醫(yī)生。我丈夫覺得他是家里的一把手。Lawofthealibi:Ifyoutellthebossyouwerelateforworkbecauseyouhadaflattire,thenextmorningyouwillhaveaflattire.借口定律：如果你對老板說遲到是因為車臺沒氣，第二天車胎肯定沒氣。Girl:Whenwegetmarried,Iwanttoshareallyourwrrries,troublesandlightenyourburden.Boy:It’sverykindofyou,darling,butIdon’thaveanyworriesortroubles.Girl:Wellthatisbecausewearen’tmarriedyet.女孩：我們結(jié)婚后，我要分擔(dān)你的憂愁、煩惱，減輕你的負(fù)擔(dān)。男孩：親愛的，你太好了，但是我沒有什么憂愁和煩惱。女孩：那是因為我們還沒結(jié)婚呢。Girlfriend:Areyousureyoulovemeandnooneelse?Boyfriend:Deadsure!Icheckedthewholelistagainyesterday.女友：你確定你只愛我一個？男友：絕對！昨天我剛查過名單。Arescueteamfinallyfindsthecrashedairplane.Thelonesurvivorischewingonabone,withahugepileofhumanbonesnexttohim,andtherescuersareshocked.hesay,＂Youcan’tjudgemeforthis.Ihadtosurvive.＂Theleaderoftherescueteamsays,＂Butman…yourplaneonlywentdownyesterday.＂營救小組發(fā)現(xiàn)了墜毀的飛機(jī)。唯一的幸存者正在啃骨頭，旁邊有一大堆人骨。營救人員驚呆了。幸存者說：“你們不能指責(zé)我，我要生存?！睜I救組長說：“但是，老兄，你們的飛機(jī)昨天才墜毀?！盬ife:Youtellamansomething,andthenitwillgoinoneearandcomeoutoftheother.Husband:Youtellawomansomethingandthenitwillgoinbothearsandcomeoutofthemouth.老婆：你對男人說一件事，它會從一只耳朵進(jìn)另一只耳朵出。老公：你對女人說一件事，它會從兩只耳朵進(jìn)從嘴里出。Attorney:Howwasyourfistmarriageterminated?Witness:Bydeath.Attorney:Andbywhosedeathwasitterminated?律師：你第一次婚姻怎么結(jié)束的？證人：死亡。律師：誰死亡？Baththeorem:Whenthebodyisinmmersedinwater,thetelephonerings.洗澡法則：一躺進(jìn)浴缸，電話就會響。IfyouwantsomeonewhowilleatwhateveryouputinfrontofhimAndneversaysit’snotquiteasgoodashismothermadeit-buyadog.如果你想找一個不管做什么都吃，還不抱怨沒他媽媽做的好的人，買條狗吧。Judge:Whydidyouhityourhusbandwithachair?Wife:Icouldn’tliftthetable.法官：你為什么用椅子打你丈夫？妻子：我拎不動桌子。Thepsychiatristhasreallyhelpedmealot.Iwouldneveranswerthephone,becauseIwasafraid.NowIansweritwhetheritringsornot.精神專家真的幫了我大忙。以前我不敢接電話，現(xiàn)在不管電話響不響我都都接。Interviewer:Whydidyouleaveyourlastjob?John:Becausethecompanyshiftedofficeanddidnottellwhere.面試官：你為什么辭去上一份工作？約翰：因為公司換了辦公地點，沒告訴我搬到哪去了。WhenIreadabouttheevilsofdrinking…Igaveupreading.每當(dāng)我讀到喝酒的壞處時，我就戒掉閱讀。Youknowyourkidshavegrownupwhen:yourdaughterbeginstoputonlipstickandyoursonstartstowipeitoff.當(dāng)你女兒開始涂口紅，而你兒子擦去口紅時，你就知道他們已經(jīng)長大了。Father:Yourtaechersaysshefindsitimpossibletoteachyouanthing!Son:That’swhyIsayshe’snogood!爸爸：你的老師說沒法教會你任何東西！兒子：所以我說他不是個好老師??！A:Whatdoyouuseforwashingdishes?B:On,I’vetriedmanythingsbutfoundmyhusbandisbest.甲：你用什么洗完？乙:哦，我試過很多東西，后來發(fā)現(xiàn)老公最好用。ASundayschoolteacheraskedherchildrenastheywereonthewaytoachurchservice,＂Whyisitnecessarytobequietinchurch?＂Onebrightlittlegirlreplied,＂Becausepeoplearesleeping.＂一位主日學(xué)校的老師在去教室的路上問她的孩子們：“為什么在教堂里要保持安靜?。俊币粋€聰明的小女孩說：“因為人們在睡覺。”RestroomUse:Entirelytoomuchtimeisbeingspentintherestroom.Thereisnowastrict3minutetimelimiltinthestalls.Attheendof3minutes,analarmwillsound,thetolletpaperrollwillretract,thestalldoorwillopenandapicturewillbetaken.Afteryour2ndoffense,yourpicturewillbepostedonthecompanybulletinboard.廁所使用規(guī)則：大家上廁所的時間太長，現(xiàn)在規(guī)定一次只能去三分鐘。時間一到，廁紙會縮回，廁所門會打開，你將被拍下來。如果第二次違反規(guī)定，照片將被貼到公司公告欄。Whenamanstealsyourwife,thereisnobetterrevengethantolethimkeepher.當(dāng)一個男人偷走你老婆時，最好的報復(fù)就是讓他留著她。Abeggarwalksuptoawell-dressedwomanandsaid,＂Ihaven’teatenanythingin4days.＂Shelookedathimandsaid,＂God,IwishIhadyourwillpower.＂一個乞丐走到一位衣著華麗的女士跟前說：“我4天沒吃東西了?！迸丝戳丝此f：“老天，我希望能有你這樣的意志力?！盬oman:Willyoualsolovemeaftermarriage?Man:Thisdependsonyourhusband,ifheallowsme.女人：結(jié)婚后你還會愛我嗎？男人：那要看你老公了，他讓的話我就愛。Teacher:TomorrowtherewillbealectureontheSun.Everyonemustattendit.John:Noma’m!Iwillnotbeabletoattendit.Teacher:Why?John:Mymotherw