大學(xué)英語四級(jí)作文范文講評(píng)

大學(xué)英語四級(jí)作文范文講評(píng)作文題目：“WomenintheModernWorld”

提綱：

1.Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.____________

2.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.___________________

3.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.

___________________________

例1．（2分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Longage,womenonlydidsomethinginthekitchenorathome.Nowmanyofthemhaveseriousjobstoserveforpeople.Whatmencandosocanwomen.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Todayinthefamily,thewifeoftenlotsherhusbandtodosomethingathomebatago,onlywomendidsomething.Menarefonedofdoingsomethingathome.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened.Inthefactorythewonmentoasmuchasthemen,buttheyarepaidlessthanthemen.Somepeoplehavenotcompletelyrealizedtheliberationofwomen.

東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，有的甚至影響理解。

具體問題剖析：(1)缺乏邏輯，東一句西一句，沒有圍繞中心論述，如第一段就沒有展開論述婦女社會(huì)角色的轉(zhuǎn)變，說得太籠統(tǒng)而缺乏說服力。

（2）用漢語思維，句子有明顯的漢語痕跡，如“Whatmencandosocanwomen.”，應(yīng)改為“Womencandowhatmencando”。

（3）銜接不自然，沒有用適當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)聯(lián)詞，如“Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened”，應(yīng)改為“Thecasethathusbandhitshiswifeoftenhappens.”

（4）拼寫錯(cuò)誤很多，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤。

例2．（5分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.Theyworkedaswellasmenplayinganimportantpartinfactories.Therearemanywomeningovernmentalso.Theyleadotherpeoplecountry,andmakeoutplans.Therearemanyscientistslso.Theyev