【良心出品】Unit8LoveandResentment課文翻譯

1、Unit 8LOVE AND RESENTMENTBarbara Bick1. I straightened up from my weeding as the frenzied mutterings of anger reached me from the house. My muscles tightened. The screams were so muffled I could barely hearthem. "Get away from me, you filthy slut. Leave me alone."2. I moved cautiously thro

2、ugh the overgrown bushes, up against the bathroom window,straining to catch the exact words. I want to understand my daughter. "Shut up! Shut up!You always do everything wrong. Incompetent bitch?" The flushing toilet drowned outthe rest. I moved away quickly, shaken once again by her wild

3、outbursts. Sometimes shefrightens me when she is clearly out of control. But this time I was reassured; she didn'twant me to hear. I bent to my weeding as she opened the screen door. She sat down. Herface was calm and impassive.3. "Can I help you, mother?" she asked as she lighted her

4、umpteenth cigarette of themorning and was shaken by her usual barking cough.4."Sure. Why don't you pull up some of the weeds between the bricks on the path."5."Oh, that's too hard," she said and she settled deeper into the deck chair.6."Damn it, Kathy, why is everyth

5、ing too hard for you? Go ahead, get the stool and dowhat you can." I snapped at her.7. Damn it yourself, I said to myself. Why did I bring her up here? Why, why, why? Yesterday had been rough. She had hurled accusation after accusation at me. "Why doyou always say I'm crazy?" she

6、had yelled. "Don't you EVER tell me I'm a paranoidschizophrenic again. That's all you ever do - call me crazy and I'm not."8. "Kathy," my voice quieter and quieter as hers rose in crescendo, "I have never calledyou crazy. Please, Kathy, keep your voice down.

7、Kathy, stop it. Stop it right now!"9. I shook away that memory and rose laboriously. I had just come to the island andso I was eager to clean up my burgeoning garden after a winter's neglect. This is thefourth year I have had this tiny treasure of a house. It was to be my retreat from theha

8、rassing city, the social and political commitments I take on each year, the needs offamily and friends.10. For three summers I have brought my 40-year-old daughter to the island to spendtwo weeks with me. Surely, I can live for two weeks with the tension and outbursts. Her life is so limited and min

9、e is so full. A short span of days, really, for me to take care of her;to give her some joy. I have so many days, just for me, after she goes back to the city.11. But I can't. I resent the tension. I lose patience. Sometimes I hate her. What is wrongwith me? I am strong and healthy; she is vulne

10、rable and ill. It is always my choice to haveher here. But I count the days until she is gone and there are moments when I think, no,not another summer. Why do this to myself? Most of the time I know that these weeks aretoo important to her; I cannot take them away.12. She doesn't sleep well. Be

11、fore I came up, I discussed the sleeping problem with herpsychiatrist so that he could prescribe some medication. I couldn't bring myself to tellhim that I am afraid to be deep in sleep while she is awake. She is not physically violent.In all the 24 years of her illness, she has attacked me only

12、 three times. But they remainwith me. Each time, her adrenaline-induced strength had overwhelmed me. And no matter how intimate one is with this illness, the primordial fear of madness lurks deepwithin. The medication the doctor suggested doesn't work and my bedroom here is anopen room withouta

13、door to lock. So, I sleep lightly these nights. I sense the lightsblazing downstairs.I listen to her cough as she smokes and mutters through the longhours. I try to imagine out of my own healthy body what it is like to be Kathy.13. Physically, shealways feels unwell. The antipsychotic medication has

14、 manyunpleasant side effects. More than that, she has no empathy with her own body, cannottake care of it. She eats badly, drinks coffee constantly, smokes incessantly, does noexercise. She has perpetual headaches and frequent stomachaches.14. For years she suffered from Crohn's disease, a deep

15、inflammation of the colon,leaving her little or no control of her bowels. She has been plagued and humiliated byaccidents in public. People have responded to this affliction by yelling at her, calling herfilthy. She has silently accepted the appellation, taken it within her. "Filthy bitch!"

16、; sheyells at herself. "Go away!"15. I lie awake, my throat tight and aching as I remember the years when her illness wasmore active, filled with agonizing hallucinations that most of us, during a lifetime,experience for only seconds in our worst, most searing nightmares.16. She had been a

17、 normal, beautiful child. The changes began in high school. Kathy started a diary when she was 16 years old. She wrote: "This morning I feel as though someone took a file and sandpaper and scratched off all my epidermis. I feel raw and sore and ugly and dirty and loathsome. I also have a headac

18、he and coffee makes it worse. I escape thru dreams and the pressure of returning reality gives me a headache.17. "Something inside me is going thru this funny, alien state, a sense of being at the mercy of some strange force, and this pathetic scarecrow figure inside me at the mercy of other fo

19、rces. My stomach is empty and gnawing and uneasy as if anything could fall in and break the superstructure I hold up with all my force."18. Kathy did go off to college. The trauma of her breakdown there was followed by the deadening travail of the long search for a psychiatric solution. Then, a

20、 decade of daily life in the huge psychiatric hospital, the "crazy house" as she always called it. In those years, she has never been able to draw a deep breath full of good life.19. The daughter I would have had were it not for this evil illness exists in embryo in the daughter I do have.

21、 After an outburst, she will come and tell me quietly: "I am sorry, mother. I don't want to fight with you."20. "Thank you," she will say: "for giving me a good day."21. To admit the truth, sometimes I trigger her outburst. Like Tuesday, when I came upon her pouring

22、 coffee straight from the jar, half filling her cup with the powder and splattering grains over the counter. I ordered her, peremptorily: "Get a spoon, Kathy.Can't you do things normally once in a while!"22. She whirled and, in a shrill tone, screamed: "I am sick of you always tel

23、ling me what to do. I am an adult and I don't need you to tell me when to go to bed and when to get up." Hysteria building up, she shouted: "You drive everyone to the edge of hemophiliac absurdity!" Magnetic waves of burning energy rushed from her, hit me and I lashed back, "

24、Get out of this house, Kathy. RIGHT NOW, get out!" 23. Later, in the evening, she almost whispers to me: "I've washed my hair, done my nails, and I've cleaned up the dinner dishes. I feel much better now." And I feel sad and ashamed. I know her greatest wish is to live with me

25、 all of the time, to have me take care of her, cook her good meals every day as I do these two weeks on the island.24. That I will not do. I must live my own life. But I will give her the small chunks of time: the island for two weeks in summer; at home with me at Christmas; a trip to Florida to see

26、 her grandparents. I will also allow myself to resent it sometimes. Like my daughter, like all other human beings, I am not spun of one thread. I love and hate the same person. I am responsible and irresponsible. I will do the best I can with the worst I have to live with.愛(ài)與恨1. 癲狂憤怒的喃喃自語(yǔ)聲從屋子里傳出來(lái)， 我停

27、止除草， 站起身來(lái)。 我渾身肌肉為之一緊。 那尖叫聲含含糊糊，我差點(diǎn)兒沒(méi)聽(tīng)見(jiàn)。 “滾，臭婊子，離我遠(yuǎn)點(diǎn)兒。 ”2. 我悄悄地挪步穿過(guò)瘋長(zhǎng)的灌木，來(lái)到浴室的窗前，豎起耳朵想聽(tīng)清楚她究竟在說(shuō)什么。我想要了解女兒。閉嘴！閉嘴！你做什么都做錯(cuò)。沒(méi)有用的婊子”由水馬桶的聲音遮住了下面的話(huà)。我很快走開(kāi)，再一次為她瘋狂的吼叫聲震撼。有時(shí)候她顯然失控，令我害怕。 但是這一次，我很放心，她不想讓我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)。她打開(kāi)紗門(mén)時(shí)，我彎下腰除草。她坐了下來(lái)，面 無(wú)表情，卻很平靜。3. “我?guī)蛶湍愫脝?，媽媽?zhuān)?”她問(wèn)道，邊說(shuō)邊點(diǎn)上香煙已經(jīng)不知道是這個(gè)上午的第幾根了， 隨后像往常一樣咳得渾身顫抖。4.好啊。那你就拔小路上地磚之間的

28、野草吧。5.哦，那太難了。 ”她說(shuō)著就深深地躺在折疊椅上。6. 斥道。胡說(shuō)，凱西，你做什么事情不難？走開(kāi)，帶著那張凳子，隨便你去做什么。”我對(duì)她呵7. 你自己活該，我自言自語(yǔ)。我為什么要把她帶到這兒來(lái)？為什么，為什么，為什么？ 她昨天發(fā)作得很厲害。她對(duì)我連連破口大罵。 “你為什么總說(shuō)我是瘋子？ ”她尖聲叫道。 “再 也不準(zhǔn)提我患有偏執(zhí)狂精神分裂癥。你就會(huì)這么說(shuō)，說(shuō)我瘋了，我不是瘋子?！蔽覐膩?lái)沒(méi)有說(shuō)過(guò)你是瘋子。求8. “凱西， ”我的聲音越來(lái)越輕，而她的聲音卻越來(lái)越響。 求你了，凱西，別叫了。凱西，住嘴。馬上住嘴！”9. 我試圖擺脫那些記憶，吃力地站起身來(lái)。我剛回到島上，所以急于清理雜草叢生的園

29、 子，一個(gè)冬天沒(méi)有整理了。我有這么一塊小小的寶地，已經(jīng)是第四個(gè)年頭。 這兒是我的避風(fēng) 港，讓我可以擺脫城市的侵?jǐn)_， 逃避每年要做的社會(huì)、政治的工作，不去理會(huì)家人和朋友們的需求。10. 連著三個(gè)夏天，我?guī)е?40 歲的女兒到島上來(lái)和我一起住上兩個(gè)星期。毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)的是， 雖然神經(jīng)很緊張，她會(huì)突然發(fā)作，但就兩個(gè)星期，我能承受的。她的生活圈子有限，而我的 卻很豐富。真的，我就照料她那么幾天，給她一些歡樂(lè)。她回城后，我有的是屬于自己的時(shí) 間。11. 然而，連這我也做不到。我討厭神經(jīng)緊張。我失去耐心。我有時(shí)候還恨她。我怎么啦？ 我健康強(qiáng)壯，而她體弱多病。帶她來(lái)這兒每次都是我的決定。但是，我數(shù)著天數(shù)，數(shù)到她走

30、 為止。 還有的時(shí)候想過(guò)， 不干了，明年夏天不帶她來(lái)了。 為什么要這樣對(duì)待自己？大多數(shù)時(shí) 候，我知道，這幾個(gè)星期對(duì)她至關(guān)重要，我不能剝奪這點(diǎn)時(shí)間。12. 她睡眠不好。上島之前， 我與她的精神病醫(yī)生討論過(guò)她的睡眠問(wèn)題，讓他開(kāi)了些藥。我 對(duì)他說(shuō)不出口的是，我害怕她醒著，而我卻睡得很沉。她不動(dòng)武。她患病 24 年，期間只打 過(guò)我三次。 但是，我記憶猶新。 腎上腺素給她帶來(lái)的力量每次都把我打垮。 無(wú)論你對(duì)這種病 情多么了解， 內(nèi)心深處總對(duì)瘋狂有種與生俱來(lái)的恐懼。 醫(yī)生開(kāi)的藥不起作用， 而我這兒的臥 室是一間沒(méi)有門(mén)可以鎖的房間。所以，這幾個(gè)晚上，我睡得很淺。我意識(shí)到樓下燈火通明。 我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)她咳嗽，連著好幾

31、個(gè)小時(shí)又是抽煙，又是喃喃自語(yǔ)。我腦子里拼命地在想 以我健 康的身體 凱西過(guò)的是什么樣的日子。13. 她的身體總是病怏怏的。這種治療精神病的藥物會(huì)產(chǎn)生許多不舒服的副作用。更嚴(yán)重 的是，她不愛(ài)惜自己的身體，不會(huì)自己照顧自己。她不好好進(jìn)食，不斷地喝咖啡，不停地抽 煙，也不鍛煉身體。她長(zhǎng)期頭痛，經(jīng)常胃疼。14. 多年來(lái)，她深受克羅恩氏病之苦，結(jié)腸有嚴(yán)重炎癥，使得她幾乎控制不住大便，已經(jīng) 在公開(kāi)場(chǎng)合因失控屢屢遭到麻煩和羞辱。 人們對(duì)她的這種痛苦， 只是大聲斥責(zé)， 說(shuō)她骯臟齷 齪。她默默地承受著這種羞辱，深藏在心里。 “骯臟的婊子！ ”她對(duì)自己吼道。 “滾開(kāi)！ ”15. 我躺在床上，無(wú)法入眠，一想到她病情更加嚴(yán)重的那幾年，我只覺(jué)得喉嚨抽緊，一陣 疼痛。那些年， 她飽受幻覺(jué)癥的折磨， 這種幻覺(jué)是我們多數(shù)人一生中只有數(shù)秒鐘會(huì)經(jīng)歷到的 最恐怖、最痛苦的噩夢(mèng)。16. 她曾經(jīng)是個(gè)正常