“人為己用”速成法五則

1、“人為己用”速成法五則簡介做不做經(jīng)理都要讀一讀能讓別人按你的要求行事，是一門藝術(shù)也是一種技藝；如果你想在這個多變，合作，一方難壓一方的以及少投多收的社會里立于不敗之地的話，你必須掌握這門技能。 經(jīng)理也好，專職銷售人員也好，還是自己給自己當(dāng)老板都一概而論。停下想一想，你到底花了多少時間在孩子身上，好讓他們聽我們的話，照我們的話去做。你的配偶，你的老板，還是你的屬下或者你的同事，他們呢？法則一: 喜歡。人們愿意和喜歡自己的人交往。得到別人喜愛的人容易示人以友好并感覺良好。對于那些本來自我感覺良好的人來說，他們更容易遵從你的意愿。拿我們26歲 的女兒妮可來說，她完全是喜歡法則的正面例子。她有著鄰家女

2、孩般的親切，有著屬于自己的個人魅力，對她你可以用任何優(yōu)秀的字眼來形容，甚至你會在很短時間 內(nèi)愛上她。前幾天我們?nèi)C場接女兒回家，看到她時，她正和同機的朋友告別，看那樣子，那人真像她的至交?？蓪嶋H上，妮可不過是和他或她挨著做了不到兩個小 時，之前根本不認識。難怪女兒的交際圈會如此之大，反過來圈兒里的朋友總會有忙必幫的。想像我女兒那樣受朋友歡迎嗎，你需要掌握兩種實用策略就可以讓大家 喜歡你。策 略一：認真地聽別人談些什么，這樣就會發(fā)現(xiàn)你喜歡這個人哪一點。事實上，所有人都是優(yōu)點缺點兼而有之，相比缺點，人們更容易發(fā)現(xiàn)他人身上的優(yōu)點。為了這一 目的，集中你的注意力觀察這個人到底有什么長處，還要讓他或她知

3、道自己的長處。比如，夸女孩衣著得體，辦事有效率或者是極其守時。還有一點很重要，那就是 態(tài)度一定要真誠。比如說，人家本來面露不爽，卻夸其精神抖擻，這樣做往往適得其反。大多數(shù)人內(nèi)心都有一桿“秤”，如果人家覺得你表里不一，也就是嘴里說一 套，手上做一套，那么他們對你的所言也會大打折扣。我拿我參加的幾次研討會來證明這個“法則”的“權(quán)威性”。我在丹麥參加了ISS 大學(xué)的談?wù)摚麄兠磕甓紩e辦幾次。ISS 是一家全球性質(zhì)的服務(wù)公司，公司今年從世界各地選拔了近30名經(jīng)理人來到哥本哈根參加為期四天的管理發(fā)展策劃，我前一天做了報告演講。幾場討論下倆，該策劃的負責(zé)人對我說，“這是我們?nèi)缃褚延械淖畎舻挠懻撔〗M了，他

4、們談?wù)摲浅７e極，善于發(fā)問，并樂在其中?！焙髞砦野堰@句贊美之言帶到了組內(nèi)，發(fā)現(xiàn)大家不僅對此受之無愧，而且我成了組內(nèi)最受喜歡的人。結(jié)果，后來他們給我在“員工效率”一欄里打了10分的滿分。從那以后，我親身參與，親眼看到了，真心的贊美自己的小組為我爭取到了源源不斷的觀眾的信任，也為自己拿到了更高的分數(shù)。策 略二：在你和他人之間尋找共同點，并且讓他或她知道。共同點可以幫你同他人建立良好的聯(lián)系，也能給人示以友好和信任。比如對人們購買行為的調(diào)查已經(jīng)無數(shù)次 證明了我們更樂意從和我們情趣相投的人那里購買商品。有時就算你并未從中獲益，但你還是把自己推銷了出去，你向你的老板推銷你的點子，你向你的手下推銷一 套新開發(fā)

5、的體系（系統(tǒng)）,你甚至給你的妻子或丈夫推銷哪里的晚餐美味可口。在我遇到一個有意購買的 客戶，我會巧妙權(quán)衡這套行事法則，首先尋找我和決策者之間的共同之處，然后找出他引以為傲的地方（關(guān)于這一點網(wǎng)上的資源到處都是）。今天早上會一開始我把 這一技巧引到了我們的討論中，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)我拿下訂單的幾率完全和我如何應(yīng)用“喜歡法則”成正比。法則二: 互惠。你付出什么便意味著你將得到什么。這 條看上去簡單易行，實則難以真正落實。在你想從別人那里獲得更多的東西時愛情也好，金錢也好，信任也好記住，得到之前必有付出。拿個老話題來說， 做慈善。人們發(fā)現(xiàn)一個現(xiàn)象，就是在你贈給別人的小禮物中附上一張字條，上面注上個人詳細住址后，

6、或許更有可能受到受贈人的回信。同樣，這也適用于你我之間 的任何人，我就發(fā)現(xiàn)，我先給予別人我的，反而從別人那里得到了更多的信任，愛，還有歡樂。我這樣做也換來了那個給予我33年優(yōu)質(zhì)婚姻生活的“超級女人”，我的妻子Marcela。抱有這種態(tài)度也會對你的職場生活帶來裨益。你向顧客推銷商品，如果你能設(shè)身處地地為顧客省錢，不愁賺不了錢，不管經(jīng)濟狀況是好是壞。公 司 HYPERLINK /articles/tag/管理管理也是如此。你想讓你的員工信任你，尊重你，和你合作，你就得有領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者的風(fēng)范，這樣你才能得到更多。這樣做的關(guān)鍵是采取行動，而非夸夸其談。你或許說 得天花亂墜，可就是不見有什么實際行動，手下人對你

7、說的話不以為然，還會生出很多無端的猜想。我最近給一家管理團隊做咨詢，團隊成員對他們的老板少有信任 與尊重，老板名叫麥克權(quán)且這么叫他吧。經(jīng)過調(diào)查，我得知每當(dāng)高級主管在缺少業(yè)績這個問題上向他發(fā)難時，麥克會反過來指責(zé)手下人怎樣怎樣，甚至還會波及 到整個管理團隊。我給麥克的建議是：要不說一些鼓勵員工的話，要不什么都不要說?！狈彩浅晒Φ慕?jīng)理人都知道怎么運用互惠法則，這也是為什么他們總能拋開一己之私，在遭遇挫折之時能夠承擔(dān)起全部責(zé)任的原因。法則三: 主動擔(dān)當(dāng)。人們對保證過的事更容易付諸實行。讓 大家喜歡你，讓他們知道你和他們之間有共同話題，還有以身作則等等，這些實用的策略都會助你達到說服他人的目的。促使他

8、們自愿參與行動的過程中來，保證他 或她承諾寫下計劃并向外界公布結(jié)果，這么做將大大增加你的說服力，不僅起到了說服他人的目的，還能讓他們把計劃有條不紊地推行下去。最近，我便把這條法則 運用到了我的 HYPERLINK /articles/tag/管理管理層培訓(xùn)會議上，我遇到的這個客戶說他難以忍受他那位挑剔的經(jīng)理權(quán)且稱客戶吉姆客戶說，他的上司真不善于管理公司和職員。我，吉姆 還有他的老板朱迪挑選了一處適宜談話的場所，坐下之后，我成功做到了讓雙方開誠布公地談一下彼此的看法。談?wù)撨M行的同時，吉姆主動提出要采取相應(yīng)措施，解 決老板朱迪提出的需要急待解決的問題。最后，雙方都主動承擔(dān)責(zé)任，而吉姆本人也開始關(guān)注

9、如何提高管理員工的能力。老師給學(xué)生訂立學(xué)習(xí)合同，經(jīng)理和父母不給 員工或孩子布置任務(wù)，而是讓他們學(xué)會主動承擔(dān)，這么做必然百利而無一害。強迫下行事鮮有成效。為驗證這句話的準(zhǔn)確性，不妨看一下: 大到世界形勢（共產(chǎn)主義的失?。〉饺粘Ｉ睿飞先嚕?。你有過這樣的經(jīng)歷么，你的車夾在車龍中，這時你不停地打燈，鳴喇叭，甚至不惜撞人家車屁股，強迫別人讓道，可事實會是怎樣呢? 大多數(shù)人看到你如此行為時只會走得更慢，甚至?xí)蝗徊葎x車抗議你的抗議。這個時刻，與前車保持大家都能接受的距離無疑比較可行。塞繆爾巴特勒歸結(jié)到:“人們被想作違背了他們自己的意愿，但不變的是他們那一如既往的觀點?！背晒\用承擔(dān)法則的第二個關(guān)

10、鍵是把它寫在本子上，因為有些人往往認為書面上的東西看起來更正式一些。關(guān)于這一點，在1996年Cioffi和Garner聯(lián)合發(fā)表在個性與社會心理學(xué)刊上的一篇調(diào)查報告已經(jīng)給予了證實。報告中，志愿參見預(yù)防艾滋病教育項目并且樂意填寫表格的學(xué)生，對此項目的肯定要遠遠超過那些只做志愿者，卻沒有填寫表格的學(xué)生。前者占地比例為76，而后者才24。第三個關(guān)鍵，曝光自己的承諾。在看了Max Bazerman的新書管理決策判斷后，我了解到，一個人如果讓他人清楚了他的承諾，結(jié)果或許會“超乎尋常”。Bazerman把這種實驗叫做“擴大競爭性范例”，實驗顯示，人們一旦曝光自己的承諾，他們明知這樣做違背自己的本意也還要做下

11、去，一下給出具體實例：房間里你和另外25個人。這時我手里拿著一張20塊的鈔票，說，“我要拍賣這張鈔票，請注意這張是真鈔，而且是真的拍賣。拍賣底價一美元，逐層遞加，最后由最高拍賣價拍下該鈔。唯一區(qū)別其他拍賣的是：首先，至少兩人同時競標(biāo)。然后，除了第一競標(biāo)人（喊價最高的）交款取標(biāo)，第二競標(biāo)人（喊價次于第一）也要照其所投標(biāo)款交款，也就是說，約翰喊價8美元，吉爾喊價7美元，當(dāng)然約翰付給我8美元便可得20美元的鈔票（也就是約翰賺了12美元），而吉爾也要付給我7美元，卻一無所獲（也就是說吉爾賠了7美元）。換成是你，你會這么做嗎？你會投多少？我已經(jīng)在一些培訓(xùn)上用到了這種“拍賣”，發(fā)現(xiàn)效果大同小異。競標(biāo)剛開始

12、時，大家你追我趕，可等喊價達到了12-14美元之間時，大多人擺下陣來，只留兩個還在爭奪。兩人的競爭趨于白熱化，直至喊價彪過了20美元。此時大家都熱情也被點燃了，唯獨剩下兩人自覺沒了退路。我給馬里蘭大學(xué)研究生做了一次實驗，他們喊價高到了51美元，到最后第一競標(biāo)人對第二競標(biāo)人說，不要再爭下去了，到此為止。簡單地說，他愿意付給第二競標(biāo)人一半的錢作為對第二競標(biāo)人的補償，也就是說第一競標(biāo)人付出了56美元的代價，第二競標(biāo)人損失了25美元，而他們的目標(biāo)不過價值20美元而已。我曉得這很荒謬，可這也是人們的競爭心理在作祟?。ㄌ嵋痪?，我沒拿那錢，培訓(xùn)結(jié)束后，我退還給了他們）。法則四： 權(quán)威說話。只聽專家的建議，其

13、他一概不提。被冠以專家名號的人物在說服他人方面確實技高一籌。Robert Cialdini在2001年10月版哈佛商業(yè)評論撰文指出，在醫(yī)院接受治療的癱瘓病人不習(xí)慣聽從肌理治療師的建議做恢復(fù)訓(xùn)練。采訪發(fā)現(xiàn)，病人對內(nèi)科醫(yī)生那一套再熟悉不過了，而且他們已經(jīng)習(xí)慣了內(nèi)科醫(yī)生那一套，但他們對肌理治療師的作用卻知之甚少。解決方案：在病人訓(xùn)練室里擺放肌理治療師的專業(yè)從業(yè)資格證，結(jié)果，運動量增加了34。每逢給某人掛電話時，恰逢接電話的是一位“辦事高效率”的門崗，我就會如下的自我介紹： 我是林可博士，我要找蓋圖女士聽電話。結(jié)果呢，屢試不爽，我可謂把它發(fā)揮到了極致。簡單，我一開口，那一番介紹就強調(diào)了我的學(xué)位和資歷，

14、自然多賦予我一層保障，好讓我解決聽筒那邊的人，按我說的去做。有時，如果利用好了這一條，可以讓更多的人看到你的才能。拿銷售來說，重種之重的是把你的銷售成績表放在顧客都能看到的地方；如果你做 HYPERLINK /articles/tag/管理管理，要學(xué)會同其他員工和顧客一起分享自己的經(jīng)驗，亮出自己的與眾不同。社交場合下做此甚有裨益。所以，一旦參與社交活動，就要找時間同潛在客戶見面，當(dāng)然還有自己的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，這樣你就不需要吹大牛就可以讓別人看到你的卓越和經(jīng)驗了。法則五：物以稀為貴。越是得不到越想得到。看到打著“過期不候”，“獨此一家”，“心動不如行動”等等的招牌時，也便知道了什么叫“物以稀為貴”了。數(shù)不

15、清的研究揭示出這么一個道理，那就是東西剩的越少價值就越大。 回憶一下，你買車的時候，銷售人員是如何地引誘你把握住機會，機不可失，時不再來，今天標(biāo)底價，明天就沒貨等等。話剛落，價錢早比之前又低了好多。我家那“超女”就中了我的招。但是讓她只對我感興趣，看來并非易事，但是有天我邀別的女人一起跳了支舞，打那之后，Marcella就再也不讓別的女人靠近我了。你可以用這條法則宣傳某某條件或機會是多么多么珍稀寶貴。假如你是經(jīng)理，你可以這么做，對他們說要在所有人中選出前五名業(yè)績最突出的加入某個團隊，或者是，那些能在六個月內(nèi)能力達到某種水平的人才能參加培訓(xùn)。如果你只做銷售，弄清楚這個特別的工作只提供給前二十名給

16、出答復(fù)的人，而且要在規(guī)定時間內(nèi)提交才算符合要求，這樣一來，這個工作的含金量就更重了一些。研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，你們對有可能失去的東西比對有可能得到的東西更上心。所以你就要認真強調(diào)，如果再不行動，到嘴的鴨子也會飛的，絕不對他們說鴨子已經(jīng)熟了，張張口就行了之類的話。比如說，不給我家補貼，我就要每個月?lián)p失200美金，要比自從有了補貼每月省去200美金開支更有說服力。這條法則也能增加別人對你說的話的期望值。如果你說話讓人感覺你就是號外而且讓人難以琢磨，那么會有更多的人對你的發(fā)言產(chǎn)生興趣。你當(dāng)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)了，發(fā)表了一通講話，“這幾天我觀察到了一個你們所有人都沒觀察到的現(xiàn)象，”，這么說當(dāng)然要比“我相信大家都看到了觀察到了這個

17、現(xiàn)象”更為人們所接受。How to Persuade and Influence PeopleHow to Persuade and Influence PeopleGetting other people to do what you want them to do is an art and a science that you must master if you want to succeed in this era of rapid change, teaming, decentralized controls and doing more with less. And it doe

18、s not really matter if you are a manager, sales professional or home executive. Just stop and think for a moment how much of your time is spent attempting to get your children to do what you want them to do. How about your spouse, boss, team member or colleague?In this article I will provide you wit

19、h five powerful principlesI call them lawsbecause according to an article in the October 2001 issue of the Harvard Business Review by Robert Cialdini, Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University, they are based on deeply rooted human drives and needs which have been substantiated in over fiv

20、e decades of scientific investigations. And most importantlybased on my own consulting and coaching experiencesthey work.The Law of Liking: People like people who like them.People who are liked generate affection and good feeling. And people who feel good about themselves are more likely to comply w

21、ith your wishes. The epitome of the Law of Liking is our 26-year-old daughter Nicole, who has this innate charisma, personal magnetism, or whatever you want to call it, that gets people to like hereven fall in love with herafter just a short time. For example, when we picked Nicole up from the airpo

22、rt the other day, she was saying farewell to another passenger as if it was one of her life-long friends. In fact, Nicole had spent less than two hours sitting next to someone she had never met before. As a result Nicole has the largest most powerful network of any person I have ever met. And that n

23、etwork is always eager to help Nicole in any way they can. You can achieve the same results by mastering two powerful strategies that will cause people to like you.Strategy #1: Become an active listener so that you can discover what you like about another person. The reality is that all people are a

24、 composite of strengths and weaknesses and it really does not take any more energy to find the good in people than the bad. To make this work, use your mental energy to focus on the good stuff in the other person and then let him or her know about it. Maybe she dresses well, is efficient or extremel

25、y punctual. Its important to be genuine and sincere. For example telling someone he looks great when he does not, may backfire. Most people have an internal crap detector, and if they feel that you are not congruentthat is your words do not match your body languagethey will discount what you say.I h

26、ave verified this Law in some of my seminars. For example, I participate in the ISS University in Denmark several times per year. ISS is a global service company that brings about 30 managers from all over the world to Copenhagen for a 4-day management development program of which I deliver the last

27、 day. Several seminars ago, I was told by the program director: This is the best group weve had to date, they are very positive, inquisitive and really with it. I passed this compliment along to the group throughout the day and noticed that not only did they live up to that expectation, they also se

28、emed to like me much more than any of the other groups. As a result they rated me a perfect 10 on the measure of faculty effectiveness. Since then Ive experimented and have noticed that providing a group with genuine praise results in consistently higher audience satisfaction and higher scores for m

29、e.Strategy #2: Find what you have in common with another person and let him/her know about it. Similarities establish a positive bond with others and create goodwill and trustworthiness. For example, research into the buying behavior of people has repeatedly verified that we are more likely to buy f

30、rom someone we like and have something in common with. And even though you may not be making your living from sales, you do sell all of the time. You sell your boss on a promotion, your sell your team members on implementing a new system, and you sell your spouse on where to go for dinner. I leverag

31、e this Law whenever I make a proposal to a prospective client, by finding out what I have in common with the decision makers, and by finding out what they are proud of. (The Internet is a great source for this kind of information). Early on in our meeting I make it a practice to use this information

32、 as a springboard for our discussions. What I have found is that my ability to close the deal is directly and consistently related to my applying the Law of Liking.The Law of Reciprocity: Whatever you give is what youre going to get.It seems so simple, yet so powerful. If you want more of somethingm

33、ay it be love, money, or trustyou have to give it before you get it. Charities figured this out a long time ago. They found that by including a little gift with their solicitation lettersuch as personalized address labelsthey could almost double the response rates. What works for charities will also

34、 work for you. For example, I have found the way I get more trust, love and joy, is to give it first. The result, Ive enjoyed an exceptionally positive marriage to Marcela my Superwoman for over 33 years. It works equally well in your professional life. If you are in sales, and you have a habit of c

35、reating incredible levels of value for your customers, you will be making lots of sales, no matter what the state of the economy.And it is no different in management. If you want your team members to trust, respect, and cooperate with you, model the behavior you want, and you will get more of it. Th

36、e key is to do it, not just talk about it. You see if you talk a good game, but dont back your words with action, your team members will quickly discount your words, and take their cues from what you do. For example a recent management team I consulted with had very little trust and respect for thei

37、r bosslets call him Mike. Upon investigation, I found out that when a senior executive challenged Mike about the lack of results, Mike tended to blame one of his team members or the entire management team. My advice to Mike: Say something positive about your team members or say nothing at all. All w

38、inning managers have figured out the Law of Reciprocity. Thats why they make it a habit to give their credit away and assume full responsibility for things that do not work out.The Law of Commitment: People are more likely to do what they commit to.Getting people to like you, letting them know what

39、you have in common and modeling the behavior you want are powerful strategies to get people to do what you want them to do. Getting someone to voluntarily commit to a course of action, getting him/her to put that commitment in writing and making it public will dramatically increase your ability to n

40、ot only persuade someone, but also actually have them follow through. I use the Law of Commitment in my executive coaching sessions. Recently one of my clients was struggling with a highly valued managerlets call him Jimwho had poor interpersonal skills that interfered with his ability to manage peo

41、ple. I sat down with Jim and his boss, Judy, in a neutral environment and used a powerful technique that enabled both parties to talk frankly about their concerns. During this meeting, Jim voluntarily committed to take specific actions that would address the most critical issues raised by Judy. Thes

42、e commitments were signed by both parties, and led Jim to take actions that began to improve his ability to manage people. Teachers who establish learning contracts with their students, as well as managers and parents who ask for volunteers instead making assignments, all reap the benefit from this

43、Law.Forcing commitments seldom work. If you want proof positive on a grand scale just look at the failure of communism. On a smaller scale, have you ever gotten stuck behind a slow moving vehicle? What happens when you attempt to force the driver to move over by flashing your lights, honking or even

44、 tailgating? The answer of course is that most people resist by slowing down even more, or even fight back by putting their brakes on. Often it is far more effective to keep a respectable distance. In other words, paraphrasing Samuel Butler: People who are convinced against their will, are of the sa

45、me opinion still.The second key to making the Law of Commitment work is to get it in writing. Somehow people perceive that which is written down more seriously. This was demonstrated in a study reported in 1996 by Cioffi and Garner in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Students who had

46、volunteered to participate in an AIDS education project and filled out a form to indicate that willingness, were far more likely to actually show up (74%) for the project, than another group of students who also volunteered but did not fill out the form. Only 26% of those students actually showed up

47、.The third key is to make the commitment public. An extreme example of what happens when people make their commitments public is an exercise I learned from Max Bazermans book: Judgment in Managerial Decision Making. Bazerman refers to this exercise as the competitive escalation paradigm which demons

48、trates that once people make their commitment public they will tend to escalate their commitment even if it is against their own interest. Here is how the exercise works:Imagine yourself in a room with about 25 people. I hold up a $20 bill and say: I am going to auction off this $20 bill. Please not

49、e that this is a real $20 bill and a real auction. Bids must be made in multiples of $1 until the bidding stops at which point the person with the highest bid must pay me the amount bid to receive the $20 bill. The only two features that distinguish this auction from others are (1) at least two peop

50、le must bid, and (2) in addition to the highest bidder the second highest bidder must also pay the amount he or she bid. For example, lets say the bidding stops when John bid $8 and Jill bid $7. At that point John pays me $8 and gets the $20 bill (that means John made $12), and Jill pays me $7 and g

51、ets nothing (that means Jill lost $7).Would you make a bid? How high would you bid? I have run this auction in several programs, and find that what happens is always the same. The bidding starts out with several people participating at a very aggressive pace. Once the bidding gets to about $12 to $1

52、6 most people drop out except two. And these two get into a furious competition, which incredulously almost always exceeds $20. At that point everyone is very amused except the two people who are bidding. One auction I conducted in a graduate class at the University of Maryland ended when the bid re

53、ached $51, at which point the highest bidder suggested to the second highest bidder that they should stop. To facilitate that he was willing to pay half of the loss of the second bidder to get out of the financial quagmire. That meant that bidder #1 lost $56 ($31+25) and bidder #2 lost $25 (half of

54、$50). All that just to get $20! I know it sounds incredulous. But thats what happens once people make a public commitment. (By the way I dont keep the money. Typically I give it away at the end of the program.)The Law of Expertise. People are more likely to heed the advice of experts.People who are

55、perceived as experts have a greater ability to persuade others. Robert Cialdini reported in an October 2001 Harvard Business Review article that most hospital stroke patients tended to abandon the exercise routines prescribed by physical therapists. Interviews revealed that patients were familiar wi

56、th the credentials of their physicianswhose instructions they tended to comply withbut they knew very little about the qualifications of the physical therapists. The remedy: display academic diplomas and certificates of the physical therapists in the exercise room. The result: exercise compliance in

57、creased by 34%.I use this law to my advantage whenever I telephone someone who has a very effective gatekeeper by introducing myself as follows: This is Dr. Rinke, I would like to speak to Ms. Hardto Getto. It works virtually every time. Similarly, when I speak, my introduction highlights my academi

58、c credentials and expertise, which gives me a leg-up in being able to persuade the audience to take a specific course of action.You can take advantage of this law by making your expertise more visible. If you are in sales, prominently display your sales awards where most of your customers can see th

59、em, and if you are in management share your prior experience and expertise with your team members and customers. A good way to do this is during social discourse. So make time to meet with your prospective customers and team leaders in social settings, so that you can communicate your expertise and prior experience without boasting or bragging.The Law of Scarcity. People want more of what they cant have.Any time you see a limited time; one-of-a kind, act now offer, you are face to face with the law o