關(guān)于拖延癥的英語(yǔ)演講

4.Insidethemindofamasterofprocrastinater

0:11Soincollege,Iwasagovernmentmajor,whichmeansIhadtowritealotofpapers.Now,whenanormalstudentwritesapaper,theymightspreadtheworkoutalittlelikethis.So,youknow--

0:24(Laughter)

0:25yougetstartedmaybealittleslowly,butyougetenoughdoneinthefirstweekthat,withsomeheavierdayslateron,everythinggetsdone,thingsstaycivil.

0:33(Laughter)

0:34AndIwouldwanttodothatlikethat.Thatwouldbetheplan.Iwouldhaveitallreadytogo,butthen,actually,thepaperwouldcomealong,andthenIwouldkindofdothis.

0:45(Laughter)

0:47Andthatwouldhappeneverysinglepaper.

0:50Butthencamemy90seniorthesis,apaperyou'resupposedtospendayearon.AndIknewforapaperlikethat,mynormalworkflowwasnotanoption.Itwaswaytoobigaproject.SoIplannedthingsout,andIdecidedIkindofhadtogosomethinglikethis.Thisishowtheyearwouldgo.SoI'dstartofflight,andI'dbumpitupinthemiddlemonths,andthenattheend,Iwouldkickitupintohighgearjustlikealittlestaircase.Howhardcoulditbetowalkupthestairs?Nobigdeal,right?

1:22Butthen,thefunniestthinghappened.Thosefirstfewmonths?Theycameandwent,andIcouldn'tquitedostuff.Sowehadanawesomenewrevisedplan.

1:30(Laughter)

1:31Andthen--

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1:34Butthenthosemiddlemonthsactuallywentby,andIdidn'treallywritewords,andsowewerehere.Andthentwomonthsturnedintoonemonth,whichturnedintotwoweeks.AndonedayIwokeupwiththreedaysuntilthedeadline,stillnothavingwrittenaword,andsoIdidtheonlythingIcould:Iwrote90pagesover72hours,pullingnotonebuttwoall-nighters--humansarenotsupposedtopulltwoall-nighters--sprintedacrosscampus,doveinslowmotion,andgotitinjustatthedeadline.

2:10Ithoughtthatwastheendofeverything.ButaweeklaterIgetacall,andit'stheschool.Andtheysay,"IsthisTimUrban?"AndIsay,"Yeah."Andtheysay,"Weneedtotalkaboutyourthesis."AndIsay,"OK."Andtheysay,"It'sthebestonewe'veeverseen."

2:28(Laughter)

2:31(Applause)

2:35Thatdidnothappen.

2:37(Laughter)

2:39Itwasavery,verybadthesis.

2:42(Laughter)

2:44Ijustwantedtoenjoythatonemomentwhenallofyouthought,"Thisguyisamazing!"

2:50(Laughter)

2:51No,no,itwasvery,verybad.Anyway,todayI'mawriter-bloggerguy.IwritetheblogWaitButWhy.Andacoupleofyearsago,Idecidedtowriteaboutprocrastination.Mybehaviorhasalwaysperplexedthenon-procrastinatorsaroundme,andIwantedtoexplaintothenon-procrastinatorsoftheworldwhatgoesonintheheadsofprocrastinators,andwhywearethewayweare.Now,Ihadahypothesisthatthebrainsofprocrastinatorswereactuallydifferentthanthebrainsofotherpeople.Andtotestthis,IfoundanMRIlabthatactuallyletmescanbothmybrainandthebrainofaprovennon-procrastinator,soIcouldcomparethem.Iactuallybroughtthemheretoshowyoutoday.Iwantyoutotakealookcarefullytoseeifyoucannoticeadifference.Iknowthatifyou'renotatrainedbrainexpert,it'snotthatobvious,butjusttakealook,OK?Sohere'sthebrainofanon-procrastinator.

3:42(Laughter)

3:45Now...here'smybrain.

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8:11(Laughter)

8:15(Applause)Butinthemiddleofallthisexcitement,theRationalDecision-Makerseemedtohavesomethingelseonhismind.Hewassaying,"Areweclearonwhatwejustaccepted?Dowegetwhat'sgoingtobenowhappeningonedayinthefuture?Weneedtositdownandworkonthisrightnow."AndtheMonkeysaid,"Totallyagree,butlet'sjustopenGoogleEarthandzoomintothebottomofIndia,like200feetabovetheground,andscrollupfortwoandahalfhourstilwegettothetopofthecountry,sowecangetabetterfeelforIndia."

8:48(Laughter)

8:54Sothat'swhatwedidthatday.

8:55(Laughter)

8:59Assixmonthsturnedintofourandthentwoandthenone,thepeopleofTEDdecidedtoreleasethespeakers.AndIopenedupthewebsite,andtherewasmyfacestaringrightbackatme.Andguesswhowokeup?

9:12(Laughter)

9:16SothePanicMonsterstartslosinghismind,andafewsecondslater,thewholesystem'sinmayhem.

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9:26AndtheMonkey--remember,he'sterrifiedofthePanicMonster--boom,he'supthetree!Andfinally,finally,theRationalDecision-MakercantakethewheelandIcanstartworkingonthetalk.

9:36Now,thePanicMonsterexplainsallkindsofprettyinsaneprocrastinatorbehavior,likehowsomeonelikemecouldspendtwoweeksunabletostarttheopeningsentenceofapaper,andthenmiraculouslyfindtheunbelievableworkethictostayupallnightandwriteeightpages.Andthisentiresituation,withthethreecharacters--thisistheprocrastinator'ssystem.It'snotpretty,butintheend,itworks.ThisiswhatIdecidedtowriteaboutontheblogacoupleofyearsago.

10:08WhenIdid,Iwasamazedbytheresponse.Literallythousandsofemailscamein,fromalldifferentkindsofpeoplefromallovertheworld,doingalldifferentkindsofthings.Thesearepeoplewhowerenurses,bankers,painters,engineersandlotsandlotsofPhDstudents.

10:23(Laughter)

10:25Andtheywereallwriting,sayingthesamething:"Ihavethisproblemtoo."Butwhatstruckmewasthecontrastbetweenthelighttoneofthepostandtheheavinessoftheseemails.Thesepeoplewerewritingwithintensefrustrationaboutwhatprocrastinationhaddonetotheirlives,aboutwhatthisMonkeyhaddonetothem.AndIthoughtaboutthis,andIsaid,well,iftheprocrastinator'ssystemworks,thenwhat'sgoingon?Whyareallofthesepeopleinsuchadarkplace?

10:54Well,itturnsoutthatthere'stwokindsofprocrastination.EverythingI'vetalkedabouttoday,theexamplesI'vegiven,theyallhavedeadlines.Andwhenthere'sdeadlines,theeffectsofprocrastinationarecontainedtotheshorttermbecausethePanicMonstergetsinvolved.Butthere'sasecondkindofprocrastinationthathappensinsituationswhenthereisnodeadline.Soifyouwantedacareerwhereyou'reaself-starter--somethinginthearts,somethingentrepreneurial--there'snodeadlinesonthosethingsatfirst,becausenothing'shappening,notuntilyou'vegoneoutanddonethehardworktogetmomentum,getthingsgoing.There'salsoallkindsofimportantthingsoutsideofyourcareerthatdon'tinvolveanydeadlines,likeseeingyourfamilyorexercisingandtakingcareofyourhealth,workingonyourrelationshiporgettingoutofarelationshipthatisn'tworking.

11:38Nowiftheprocrastinator'sonlymechanismofdoingthesehardthingsisthePanicMonster,that'saproblem,becauseinallofthesenon-deadlinesituations,thePanicMonsterdoesn'tshowup.Hehasnothingtowakeupfor,sotheeffectsofprocrastination,they'renotcontained;theyjustextendoutwardforever.Andit'sthislong-termkindofprocrastinationthat'smuchlessvisibleandmuchlesstalkedaboutthanthefunnier,short-termdeadline-basedkind.It'susuallysufferedquietlyandprivately.Anditcanbethesourceofahugeamountoflong-termunhappiness,andregrets.AndIthought,that'swhythosepeopleareemailing,andthat'swhythey'reinsuchabadplace.It'snotthatthey'recrammingforsomeproject.It'sthatlong-termprocrastinationhasmadethemfeellikeaspectator,attimes,intheirownlives.Thefrustrationisnotthattheycouldn'tachievetheirdreams;it'sthattheyweren'tevenabletostartchasingthem.

12:35SoIreadtheseemailsandIhadalittlebitofanepiphany--thatIdon'tthinknon-procrastinatorsexist.That'sright--Ithinkallofyouareprocrastinators.