九省聯(lián)考讀后續(xù)寫實(shí)例分析心機(jī)豚的故事講義高三英語一輪復(fù)習(xí)

九省聯(lián)考英語讀后續(xù)寫實(shí)例分析心機(jī)豚的故事Lastsummer,Hildaworkedasavolunteerwithdolphintrainersatasealifepark.Herjobwastomakesurethe

tanks

were

freeofanyitems

sothatthetrainerscouldtrainthedolphinsto

fetch

specificitems.However,onedayaftercleaning,oneofthedolphins,Maya,presentedHildawithacandywrapperfromthetank.WhenKatherine,thetrainer,sawthis,she

blamedHildaforhercarelessness.Upsetbutnotdiscouragedbythisevent,Hildadecidedtodosome

spying

onMaya.Thenextmorning,Hildaarrivedattheparkearly.Sheputonherscubagear（水下呼吸器）andjumpedintothetankforherusual,underwatersweep.

Findingnothinginthetank,sheclimbedoutofthewaterjustintimetoseeKatherinejumpinginontheotherside.Afterwhathappenedyesterday,Hildaknewwhatshewasdoing.ShewatchedasKatherineperformedherunderwatersearch,butHildawasn'tsurprisedwhenshe

surfacedemptyhanded.Duringthetanksweeps,Mayahadbeenswimmingplayfully,butnowthedolphinstoppedsuddenlyandswamtothe

backpart

ofthetankwherethe

filter（過濾）box

waslocated.Shestuckhernosedownbehindtheboxandthenswamaway.WhatwasMayadoingbackthere?Hildawondered.Shejumpedbackintothewaterandswamovertotakealookbehindthebox,andherquestionwasanswered.HildathenswamacrossthetankfollowingMaya'spathandemergedfromthewatertofindKatherineremovingherscubagear.AsKatherineturnedaround,hermouthdroppedopen.TherewasMayaattheedgeofthetankwithab（梳子）inhermouthwaitingforhertreat.“Maya!

Wheredidyougetthat?”demandedKatherine,takingthebandthrowingherafish.“Iknowwhereshegotit,”declaredHildaclimbingoutofthetankwithahandfulofitemsstillwetfromtheirwatery,restingplace.“What'sallthis?”Katherineasked,obviouslyconfused.

人物檔案：姓名Hilda身份avolunteerwithdolphintrainersatasealifepark工作內(nèi)容makesurethe

tanks

were

freeofanyitems沖突dolphinMayapresentedHildawithacandywrapperandKatherine

blamedHildaforhercarelessness解決Maya’ssecret結(jié)尾點(diǎn)題及解決問題以下為學(xué)生習(xí)作。在學(xué)生習(xí)作的基礎(chǔ)上，進(jìn)行一定程度的修改，并給出幾條關(guān)于讀后續(xù)寫的建議。

“ThisisMaya’ssecret,”Hildasaidwithabigsmile.“？什么秘密”K迷惑地說?！耙?yàn)樗廊绻o你帶來了自己藏得垃圾，你會(huì)給它獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)。”“哈哈，它真是個(gè)大聰明?！盚ilda突然開始委屈起來，“你都冤枉我了，我很無辜?！薄癘h，對不起，我的親愛的?！薄皼]事，不過海豚這個(gè)辦法真的讓人猜不出，太聰明了?！薄癢hat?”Ksaidwithconfused.“BecauseMayaknowifshebringsomerubbishthatshewerehiding.Youcangiveshetreat.”“Ha,ha.Shewassocute.”Hildafeltverysad,“Youblamedmewereamistake.Iwasverysad.”“Oh,sorrymydear.Itwasmymistake.”saidK.“It’sOK.Maya’smeasuremadeusguessnot.Sosmart.”

修改意見：對話描寫過多，可增加一定的動(dòng)作，豐富故事的情緒波動(dòng)。

“What?”Confusedasshewas,KatherinestillturnedtoHilda.【Katherine的情緒+動(dòng)作】Lookingherintheeyes,Hildacontinued,“Mayajustknowsshecouldgetsomethingbackinreturnaslongasshepresentsthedesirableitem.Youdidn’tbelievemetheotherday,butIknewIdidwhatIshoulddo.”【Hilda解釋Maya的行為，并為自己曾經(jīng)的遭遇申訴】Katherinefellsilentallofasuddenbecausesomanythingspouredintohermindandeverythingseemedtomakesense.【Katherine對Hilda話的回應(yīng)和心理活動(dòng)】

NowKatherinerealizedwhathadbeengoingon.現(xiàn)在K意識(shí)到了自己錯(cuò)了，很內(nèi)疚。她從中明白了做事不能太主觀臆斷，應(yīng)有足夠的證據(jù)證明別人有錯(cuò)。Kfeltblameself.Itwasamistake.Sheknewmakesomesomethingsdidn’tthinkingsimply.Musthasenoughevidencestoimprovingyouthinkwhoweremistake.Itwasalsotoldus,didn’tmadesomesimplymistake.

修改意見：結(jié)尾處，海豚Maya應(yīng)該登場，作為Hilda和Katherine之間誤會(huì)消解的見證。本文情節(jié)較為輕松，在主題升華方面，可以更接地氣。

WhileKatherinewasabouttoapologizetoHilda,Mayahadalreadyfinishedhertreatanddoveintothetankagain.【這句話，讓故事中的三方一同出場，提供和解的機(jī)會(huì)?！?/p>

Afewsecondslater,Mayaappearedwithanothershiningiteminhermonth,amirror.

【前后呼應(yīng)，表明Maya行為的前后連貫性?！縆atherinecouldn’thelpbutlaugh,“Howcleveryouare,mysweetheart.”【Katherine和Maya的互動(dòng)，化解尷尬?！?/p>

Atthatmoment,HildahandedthebucketandsaidtoKatherine,“IalwaysknewIwasright.”

【Hilda提醒，別忘記道歉?！縆atherinenoddedwhilethrowingafishtowardsMaya,“Hilda,IamsorryforwhatIhavedonetoyou.”【Katherine借著喂Maya，化解矛盾?！縏heylookedateachotherandthenturnedtoMaya,burstingintoalaughter.Mayadeservedhertreatasshealwaysdid.【總結(jié)性話語，三方均有收獲?！?/p>

本文的亮點(diǎn)表達(dá)：①

confusedasshewas=Thoughshewasconfused的結(jié)構(gòu)轉(zhuǎn)換②

Hildacontinued，其中continue為避免said的重復(fù)表達(dá)③

getsomethingbackinreturnaslongas，相對復(fù)雜句型表達(dá)④

allofasudden和makesense⑤

while...wasaboutto...⑥

withanothershiningitem...,amirror，具體細(xì)節(jié)描寫⑦

couldn’thelpbutlaugh，can’thelpbutdo的結(jié)構(gòu)⑧

whilethrowing，同時(shí)進(jìn)行的動(dòng)作描寫⑨

burstingintoalaughter，具體動(dòng)作描寫⑩

deservedhertreat，用treat點(diǎn)題，用deserve進(jìn)一步加強(qiáng)文本的輕松感

小結(jié)：讀后續(xù)寫本身故事性較強(qiáng)，體現(xiàn)在矛盾沖突、意外、情緒及動(dòng)作組合以及人物言語舉止帶來的性格。

幾條建議：1.情節(jié)展開時(shí)，需要做到克制。在一個(gè)小