【讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)】2021年11月臺(tái)州一模讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)講評(píng)：The Pet Lamb 名師課件-陳星可

20211119臺(tái)州一模讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)講評(píng)MyPetLamb陳星可

浙江天臺(tái)中學(xué)Contents1234LanguageLearning&StoryUnderstandingPlotDesigning&SentenceConstructingLanguageAccumulationStoryWriting&AppreciatingTHEPETLAMB

Almostallthepossessionshadbeensoldtobuyfoodandclothingforthefamily.Atlast,nothingwasleftbutthepetlamb,Daisy.Atthethoughtofpartingwiththelittlecreature,Mrs.Grant’sfeltsadbecausethechildrenloveditverymuch.Havingstruggledhard,shehadtomakeuphermindtosellthelamb.Butshecouldnotaskanychildtogoforthebutcher.Finally,shewentherselfwithaheavyheart,draggingherleadenfeet,andbargainedwiththebutcherforthesaleofDaisy.

Whilethechildrenwereallplayingwiththelamb,thebutcherandhisboycametothedoor.“YouseeIamhereforthelamb,”saidthebutcherinaloudvoice.Hearingthis,onechildrantohermother’sside,andaskedwhatwashappeninginalarm.Mrs.Grantgentlypushedthechildaside,bentdownandwasabouttotellthetruth.

“That’smylambnow,Charlie!”saidthebutcher’sboyinaplayfultone,goinguptoDaisywitharopeinhishand.

“No,itisnotyourlamb.Itisours!”saidCharlie,placinghimselfinfrontofit.ReadandUnderstand

Buttheboy,pushinghimaside,threwaroperoundDaisy’sneck,andbegantodragthelittlecreatureaway.Thepoorlambbleatedverysadly.Thecryofgriefwhichfelluponthemother’searswastoomuchforher,andherheartsankwithinher.Inamoment,beggingwithtearfuleyes,thechildrenwereallaroundtheirmotherwithvoiceschokingwithsobsfortheirlittlepet.

“Praytellyourboytostopamoment,”shesaidinhusky(沙啞的)tonestothebutcher.

Theboy,atawordfromthebutcher,stoppeddraggingthelamb,andthelittlecreaturestoppeditsbleating.

Inatremblingvoice,Mrs.Grantexplainedtothemhowbadlyofftheywereaftertheirfatherdied.ShealsoaddedthatthekindbutcherhadgiventhemoneyforDaisy.Withthismoney,shecouldbuyherchildrenbreadtoeat.

Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.__________________________________________________________________

Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._______________________________________________________________________ReadandUnderstand

Mrs.Grant__________(stick)inadilemma.Afterherhusbandpassedaway,herfamilywas__________(=poor)andshehadsoldallthepossessionstokeepthefamilyawayfrom________(hungry)andcold.Nowshehadno______________buttosellthepetlamb,whichherchildrenhadbeendevotingtheirloveto,_____thebutcher.Whenthebutcherandhisboycameforthelamb,Charlesstoppedhimelfinfrontofthelamb,tryingtopreventitfrom___________(take)away.AndthebleatingofthelambmadeMrs.Grant’sheartsinkwithhervoice__________(choke)withsobs.Withno_______todisappointherchildren,Mrs.Grantaskedthebutchertostopthedealandwouldliketoreturnthemoney,______wasbadlyneededthough.ReadandUnderstandwasstuckbadlyoffhungerchoice/alternativetobeingtakenchokingheartwhich1.一想/看/聽(tīng)到2.與...分手3.苦苦掙扎/糾結(jié)4.去叫/請(qǐng)屠戶5.拖著好像灌了鉛的雙腿6.與...討價(jià)還價(jià)7.驚恐地8.攔在某人的前面9.把...推到一邊10.用繩子套住羊羔的脖子11.哽咽；泣不成聲12.貧窮的,缺少...的13.心被觸動(dòng)了LearnLangauge1.atthethought/sight/soundof...2.partwith...3.strugglehard4.goforthebutcher5.dragone’sleadenfeet6.bargainwith...7.inalarm,inshock8.placeoneselfinfrontofsb.9.push...aside10.throwtheropearoundthelamb’sneck11.chokewithsobs12.bebadlyoff13.betouchedinone’sheart1.Finally,shewentherselfwithaheavyheart,draggingherleadenfeet,andbargainedwiththebutcherforthesaleofDaisy.2.Thecryofgriefwhichfelluponthemother’searswastoomuchforher,andherheartsankwithinher.Inamoment,beggingwithtearfuleyes,thechildrenwereallaroundtheirmotherwithvoiceschokingwithsobsfortheirlittlepet.3.Mrs.Grantexplainedtothemhowbadlyofftheywereaftertheirfatherdied.ShealsoaddedthatthekindbutcherhadgiventhemoneyforDaisy.LearnLangauge1.運(yùn)用動(dòng)作鏈(went+dragging+bargained)有助于畫(huà)面和情節(jié)的推進(jìn)；2.借助于動(dòng)詞drag,bargain,形容詞heavy,leaden等的運(yùn)用來(lái)側(cè)面描寫(xiě)主人公的情緒、情感。

表示“難過(guò)、傷心”的多角度描寫(xiě)：聲音(thecryofgrief,voiceschokingwithsobs)、身體部位表現(xiàn)(heartsank,tearfuleyes)等。不同的“說(shuō)”：say,explain,add等等。情節(jié)1：情節(jié)2：Designtheplot1.孩子們?yōu)樾⊙蚋崆笄?/p>

，寧愿少吃少穿也想留下小羊羔---媽媽舉棋不定，糾結(jié)中---孩子們轉(zhuǎn)而向屠戶的孩子求助；2.屠戶看到這一切心里觸動(dòng)---決定留下小羊羔，也留下錢，幫助她們度過(guò)難關(guān)---一家人感動(dòng)。1.孩子們?yōu)樾⊙蚋崆笄?/p>

，寧愿少吃少穿也想留下小羊羔---媽媽不忍心孩子們的愛(ài)心，轉(zhuǎn)而向屠戶求助：留下小羊羔，退回收下的錢；2.屠戶看到這一切心里觸動(dòng)---決定留下小羊羔和錢，并且讓兒子一起來(lái)陪伴小羊羔---一家人感動(dòng)，慶幸家人和羊羔都可以度過(guò)難關(guān)。

Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.__________________________________________________________________Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._______________________________________________________________________DesignthePlot--Q&A逆推法Inpara1,thebutcherwasnotinvolvedintheincident.Whoandwhat?Q1:WhomdidtheybegforDaisy?AndhowdidtheybegforDaisy?Q2:HowdidMrs.Grantandtheboyeachreacttotheirbegging?Q3:WhatdidMrs.Granteventuallydecidetodo?Q1:Whatwasinthebutcher’smindaboutthesituation?Q2:Howdidhedealwiththedilemmainaheart-warmingway?Q3:Howdidthestoryend?/HowdidtheGrantfamilyfeelaboutthebutcher’sproposal?Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.Constructsentences--Q&ATheybeggedtheirmother,promisingthattheywouldrathergohungryorsufferfromcoldtokeepDaisy,theirwarmcomfort.“No!-No!No!”theydashedtoDaisyandthrewtheirarmsaroundher,begging“Please,mother!Wewouldrathergohungrythanloseher!”TheyevenpromisedtogowithlessfoodandnoclothesaslongastheirmotheragreedtokeepDaisy.Withtearfuleyes,theygatheredaroundtheirmother,beggingnottoletDaisygo.Desperately,theyhuggedthepetlambtightly,lookingattheirmotherwitheagereyes.Q1:WhomdidtheybegforDaisy?AndhowdidtheybegforDaisy?Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.Constructsentences--Q&AWellawarethatifshedidn’tsellthelamb,herfamilywouldsufferbitterlyandwouldprobablyendupfreezingorstarvingtodeath,Mrs.Grantclosedhereyes,tearssilentlyfallingoutofthecornersofhereyes.Caughtinadilemma,Mrs.Grantfelttorn.Herchildren’sbeggingsoftenedherheart,butalookattheskinnychildrenandtheirwornoutclothesmadeherhearttight.Hearingthis,Mrs.Grantwasingreatsorrow,herheartbleeding.Afterall,sheclearlyknewthatthechildrenhaddevotedsomuchlovetoDaisyandthatDaisywasmorethanapetlambtothem.Q2:HowdidMrs.Grantandtheboyeachreacttotheirbegging?Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.Constructsentences--Q&AHavingstruggledhard,sheturnedtothebutcheranddecidedthatshewouldnotselldaisyandwouldreturnthemoney.Atlastshehandedbackthemoney,saying,"Icannotsellitjustnow,sir.Waituntilanothertime.Imusttrytokeepupalittlelonger."Sheknewherchildrenlikedthepetlamb,butwhatmatteredmostatthemomentwastofeedtheirstomachsandkeepthemwarm.Decisionmade,shesignalledtotheboytotakeDaisyaway.Herchildrencouldgowithoutapetlambforquiteawhile,butnevercouldtheysurvivelongerthanthatwithoutfoodandclothes.Soshehadnochoicebuttoletherchildrendownthistime.Q3:WhatdidMrs.Granteventuallydecidetodo?Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._____Constructsentences--Q&A“Ishouldnevermakemoneyatthecostofthepoorchildren’sonlycomfort,”hethought.“MaybeIcandosomethingtohelpthemout.”Heshouldnevermakemoneybydeprivingthechildrenoftheironlysourceofjoy.Hismindworkingfast,anideapoppedup.WhenMrs.Granttookoutthemoneyandgaveitback,hejustwavedhishandandannounced,“Iwillnotrobthechildrenoftheirpet!”Q1:Whatwasinthebutcher’smindaboutthesituation?Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._____Constructsentences--Q&AApproachingthechildrenandthepetlamb,heannouncedthathewouldbuythelambwiththemoneyhehadpaidMrs.Grant,buthewouldgivethelambbacktothemasapresentfortheirlovingheart.Heapproachedthechildren,pattedthemontheshouldersgentlyandpromisedthathewouldbuyDaisyfromtheirmotherandthengaveitbacktothemasagift.Gentlypattingthepetlamb,hesaidthatthechildrencouldkeepDaisyandthathewouldbegladtowitnessDaisygrowingupwiththemandhisboy.Heexplainedthatthelambwouldstaywiththemandthemoneywouldalsoremaintocarrythemthroughthetoughdaysahead.Q2:Howdidhedealwiththedilemmainaheart-warmingway?Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._____Constructsentences--Q&AAtthewiseupliftingdecision,thechildrendancedhappilyaroundthelambincircles.AndMrs.Grantthrewanappreciativelookatthebutcher,delightedthatbothherfamilyandthepetlambluckilysurvivedthankstothebutcher’sgentleheart.Thewordleftthechildrenstandingstunned.Then,lookingupathim,oneaskedseriously,“Sir,doyoureallymeanthat?”Hearingthis,allthechildrengatheredroundandstrokedthepet,theirlittleheartsfilledwithjoy.Q3:Howdidthestoryend?/HowdidtheGrantfamilyfeelaboutthebutcher’sproposal?petlambbutcherchildrenmoneyloveplaychokebuygentlytearfulConstructsentences--underlinedwordsTheyevenpromisedtogowithlessfoodandnoclothesaslongastheirmotheragreedtokeepthepetlamb.SheclearlyknewthatDaisywasmorethanapetlambtoherchildren.Sheturnedtothebutcheranddecidedthatshewouldnotselldaisyandwouldreturnthemoney.HeannouncedthathewouldbuythelambwiththemoneyhehadpaidMrs.Grant,buthewouldgivethelambbacktothemasapresent.Thethoughtofbeingabletosurvivethehardtimesandkeepthelamb,sheexpressedhergratuitudewithhervoicechokingwithsobs.ThinkingthattheycouldnolongerplaywithDaisy,Charliecriedhisheartout.HepattedthemontheshouldersgentlyandpromisedthathewouldbuyDaisy

andthengaveitbacktothemasagift.Withtearfuleyes,theyhuggedthepetlambtightly,asifitwoulddisappearatanymoment.AccumulateLanguage--不同的“說(shuō)”AccumulateLanguage--不同的“說(shuō)”1.Backhome,he___________repeatedlythatheshouldnothavebeensostubbornastomakesuchadisaster.2.Inordernottobeheardbyotherpeople,she_________thenewstome.3.WhenTeacher________himthatheshouldnotbeheresolate,he_________thathedidn’tdoitonpurpose.4.He_______thatwhathedidwasrightdespitestormsofobjectionsfromhisteam.5.GatheringCarrieintoherarms,mother________thateverythingwouldbeallrightwithhercomapny.6.Thoughworried,weall_________thathewouldbeback,safeandsound.7.He___________thateverytimehewastogotosleep,histeammateturnedonthemusic.apologizedwhisperedcriticizedexplained/arguedinsistedcomfortedprayedcomplained考場(chǎng)作文點(diǎn)評(píng)1、該文較好地完成了寫(xiě)作的要求。情節(jié)簡(jiǎn)練，與原文的銜接自然；情節(jié)之間的過(guò)渡也比較自然，給讀者留下一種“簡(jiǎn)單又不簡(jiǎn)單”的印象。2、第一段表達(dá)比第二段要出彩些。虛擬語(yǔ)氣butfor和獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)的運(yùn)用，為文章提升了檔次；心理活動(dòng)描寫(xiě)、無(wú)靈主語(yǔ)句、各種感官的綜合運(yùn)用等展示了作者良好的語(yǔ)言功底。3.第二段稍微顯得遜色。語(yǔ)言表達(dá)方面有一些錯(cuò)誤，情節(jié)的推進(jìn)也可以更加緊湊。但是ultimately,Asforthemoney等都是本段表達(dá)方面的亮點(diǎn);Wecanraisethelambtogether，SodidDaisy是思維上的一個(gè)亮點(diǎn)。特別感謝夏婭紅老師提供學(xué)生作品素材！參考范文：

Butthemoresheexplained.thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.“No!-No!No!”theydashedtoDaisyandthrewtheirarmsaroundher,begging“Please,mother!Wewouldrathergohungrythanloseher!”Hearingthis,Mrs.Grantwasingreatsorrow,herheartbleeding.Afterall,sheclearlyknewthatthechildrenhaddevotedsomuchlovetoDaisyandthatDaisywasmorethanapetlambtothem;shewas,intheireyes,afamilymember!Havingstruggledhard,sheturnedtothebutcheranddecidedthatshewouldnotselldaisyandwouldreturnthemoney.（90words）

Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart.WhenMrs.Granttookoutthemoneyandgaveitback,hejustwavedhishandandannounced,“Iwillnotrobthechildrenoftheirpet!”Heapproachedthechildren,pattedthemontheshouldersgentlyandpromisedthathewouldbuyDaisyfromtheirmotherandthengaveitbacktothemasagift.Thewordleftthechildrenstandingstunned.Then,lookingupathim,oneaskedseriously,”Sir,doyoureallymeanthat?”Thebutcherjustrepliedasseriously,”Imeaneverywordofit.SheisOURDaisy.MyboyandIwillcometoseeheroccasionally.”Hearingthis,allthechildrengatheredroundandstrokedthepet,theirlittleheartsfilledwithjoy.(120

words)下水作文：

Butthemoresheexplained.thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.Withtearfuleyes,theyhuggedthepetlambtightly,andevenpromisedtogowithlessfoodandnoclothesaslongastheirmotheragreedtokeepthelamb.Wellawarethatifshedidn’tsellthelamb,herfamilywouldprobablyendupfreezingorstarvingtodeath,Mrs.Grantclosedhereyes,tearssilentlyfallingoutofthecornersofhereyes.Sensingthattheirmotherwasstillhesitantaboutwhattodo,thepoorchildrenturnedtothebutcher’sboyandbeggedhimnottotakeitaway.Theyclearlyknewthatthelamb’slifewasatthemercyoftheboyandhisfather--thebutcher.110

Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart.

Thepetwastheironlywarmcomfort.Heshouldnevermakemoneybydeprivingthechildrenoftheironlysourceofjoy.Hismindworkingfast,anideapoppedup.Approachingthechildrenandthepetlamb,heannouncedthathewouldbuythelambwiththemoneyhehadpaidMrs.Grant,buthewouldgivethelambbacktothemasapresentfor

theirlovingheart.Attheupliftingwords,thechildrendancedhappilyaround

thelambincircles.AndMrs.Grantthrewana