高中英語《frinds老友記》第9季中英文對(duì)照完整劇本917 The One With The Memorial Service

917TheOneWithTheMemorialService[Scene:Ross'apartment,ChandlerandJoeyenter]Chandler:Hey!Readytogo?Ross:Ohyeah,letmejustfinishthis.Joey:HeyRoss,checkthisout!(hetriestospinabasketballonhisfingertipbuthethrowsitagainstatable)yeah,Ican'tdothat!Chandler:Whatareyoudoin'?Ross:Haveyouseenthis?It'sanewalumniwebsiteforcollege!It'scool!Youcanpostmessagesforpeople,leteveryoneknowwhatyou'reupto.Chandler:Great,afasterwaytotellpeoplethatI'munemployedandchildless.Ross:It'sactuallykindainterestingtofindoutwhatpeoplearedoing...rememberAndreaRich?Chandler:Thetallgirlwhowouldn'tsleepwithyou?Ross:Uhuh...well,herInternetCompanywentunderandshelostanearinaboatingaccident...Chandler:Betshe'dsleepwithyounow...Ross:No...Ialreadye-mailedher.Chandler:Letmeseewhatyouwroteaboutyourself:"DoctorPaleontology,twokids..."(pause)YousplitwithCarolbecauseyouhavedifferentinterests?...IthinkyousplitwithCarolbecauseyou'veoneverysimilarinterest!Ross:Youknowwhat?I'mgonnafinishthislater,ok?Letmejustgrabmycoat.Joey:Hey!(hethrowsthebasketballagainstatableagain)Ross:(hepicksuptheball)Whatdoyouthinkyoulearnedhowtodointhelasttwominutes??(heentersanotherroom)Chandler:Maybewefinishthisforhim!(hesitsdownonthesofaandhestarttypingonRoss'computer)"AlsoIclonedadinosaurinmylab.She'snowmygirlfriend.Idon'tcarewhatsocietysays.It'sthebestsexI'veeverhad"...aaandSEND!Joey:(hestopsChandlerfrompostingthemessage)No,no,no...whatdo...youcan'tdothattohim!Ross:(hecomesback)Alright,let'sgo!Joey:Dude!(heopenshisarmstoreceivetheballfromRoss'hands)Ross:Ithinkyoumadeitclearyoucannotbetrustedwiththeballinsidethehouse!Joey:(afterRossleavestheroom)aaandSEND!(hehitsthesendbutton)Openingcredits[Scene:JoeyandRachel'sapartment]Rachel:Hey!Howwasbasketball?Joey:Oh,itwasalotoffunrightupuntilChandlergotafingerintheeye!Rachel:Oh,no!Whodidthat?Joey:Chandler...hey...(hegoestowardshisroombuthestopsnearEmma'scot)Rach...what'sHugsydoin'inthecribwithEmma?(helookspuzzled)Rachel:Shewasjustcrawlingaroundandshefoundhim,soIjustlethersleepwithhim.That'sallright?Isn'tit?Joey:(stillverypuzzled)Oh,yeah...ofcourse...yeah...it'sastuffedanimal...youknow...it'sforkids...notforadults...Iknowthat!Rachel:Joey...areyousure?Imean,Iknowhowmuchyoulovehim!Joey:Rachel...let'sbeclearonthis,ok?IdonotloveHugsy.Ilikehimanormalamount...Rachel:Allright...Oh,Emmaloveshim!Joey:Whywouldn'tshe?He'sawonderfulperson![Scene:CentralPerk]Phoebe:Hi.Monica:HeyPhoebe...howyoudoin'?Youfeelin'better?Phoebe:Breakingupsucks!Oh,IreallymissMike!Chandler:Oh,I'msosorry!Phoebe:OhGod,Itriedeverythingtomakemyselffeelbetter.Ieventriedwritingasongaboutit...but...Ican'tthinkofanythingthatrhymeswithAARRGGHH!!(pause)HeyMonica,Ireallyneedyourhelpgettingthroughthis...Chandler:You'renotgonnaneedmyhelp?Phoebe:Wellno,whenIgettothepointwhere...youknow...I'mreadytohearcruelmockingjokesaboutMike...I'mgonnacometoyou.Chandler:Ohgood,'causeI'vealreadythoughtof3...4!I'vejustthoughtofafourth(hegoestowardsthecounter)Phoebe:Ok.ImeanIknowIdidtherightthing.Youknow,MikeneverwantstogetmarriedandIshouldn'tbeinarelationshipthathasnofuture...but...prettysoonI'mgonnamisshimsomuch.I'mgonnawannaseehimagainandyouhavetostopmefromdoingthat.Monica:Ok,yougotit!Phoebe:(afterapause)Unless...Maybeit'stoocrazyaboutthis...Alrightso...youknow,thereisnofuture...butthatdoesn'tmeanwestillcan'thavefun.Youknowwhat?ForgetwhatIsaid.Monica:Really?Ifthat'swhatyouwant...Phoebe:Thatwasatestandyoujustfailed.Monica:Damnit!Rookiemistake!(Rossentersandhe'sreallyangry.HegoestowardsChandlerwho'ssittingatthecounter)Ross:(yellingatChandler)Ihavesexwithdinosaurs??Chandler:IbelieveIreadthatsomewhere!Ross:Thatonlyisnotfunny,it'sphysicallyimpossible!Ok?DependingonthespeciesI'dhavetohaveasixfootlong...(pause)It'snotfunny!!Chandler:Irespectfullydisagree.Ross:Ican'tbelieveyouputthatonmyalumnipage!Chandler:Whocares?NobodyreadsthosethingsRoss:You'dbetterhopenotbecauseIjustreadwhatyouputonyourpagetoday.Chandler:Idon'thaveapage.Ross:Ohohoh!IRESPECTFULLYDISAGREE!![Scene:Rachel'sroom.RachelandEmmaaresleeping;Joeysneaksinandapproachesthecrib]Joey:Lookatyou,allsweetandinnocent,sleepinglikeanangel...withEmma'schubbylittlehandswrappedaroundya.(hepicksupHugsy)It'sokay,Emma,youstayasleep.(Emmacries)Rachel:(threateningJoeywithascrunchy):Stepawayfromthecrib,Ihaveaweapon!Joey:It'sokay,it'sokayRach,it'sme.Putdownthescrunchy.Rachel:Whatareyoudoing?Joey:Well,IheardEmmastirring,soIcametomakesureshecouldreachHugsy.Rachel:Oh,ohthanks.Alrightwell,nowthatI'mupI'mgoingtogotothebathroom.Joey:(placingHugsybackinthecrib)Thereyougosweetie...(toEmma)Thisisn'tover.[Scene:MonicaandChandler's.Chandlerislookingatthescreenofhislaptop,shakinghishead.]Monica:Alright,waitasecond,whywouldRosstelleveryoneinyourclassthatyouareas...(readsfromthescreen)"gayasthedayislong"?Chandler:BecauseItoldeveryonehesleptwithdinosaurs.Monica:Butthat'sclearlyajoke.Thiscouldeasilybetrue.(Phonerings)Chandler:Wouldyougetthatplease?Peoplehavebeencallingtocongratulatemeallday.Monica:(Onthephone)Hello?No,he'snothere.Yeah,thisishiswife.Yeah,well,itcameasquiteashocktometoo.IguessIshouldhaveknown.Yeah,Imean,hejustkeptmakingmewatchMoulinRouge.Chandler:Hangup,hangup.Andthatwasagreatmovie!(Monicahangsup)I'msogonnagetbackatRoss...ohyeah,thiswillshowhim,herewego(startstypingsomething).Monica:Whatareyoudoing?Chandler:Oh,you'llseemyfriend.[Timelapse,stillChandlerandMonica's,butonlyChandleristhere.EnterRoss]Ross:(visiblyupset)I'mdead?Chandler:(fakingsympathy)Andsoyoung.Ross:PostingthatIdied?Thatreallyisn'tfunny.Chandler:Well,howyoudiedwasfunny.Ross:Ohplease,hitbyablimp?Chandler:Itkillsoveroneamericanseveryyear.Ross:Unbelievable,myclassmatesaregonnathinkI'mdead,myprofessors,my...myparentsaregonnagetphonecalls.You'remessingwithpeople'sfeelingshere.Chandler:Youwannatalkaboutpeople'sfeelings?YoushouldhaveheardhowhurtprofessorSternwasyesterdaywhenItoldhimIwouldn'tbeabletogowithhimtoKeyWest!Ross:You'vereallycrossedthelinehere,butthat'sokay,it'sok'causeI'monmywaytobuysomePhotoshopsoftwareandastackofgayporn.That'sright!Yourcomingoutisabouttogetrealgraphic.[Scene:Phoebe'sapartment]Phoebe:God,IwishMikewerehere.Monica:OkayifMikewereherewhatwouldthetwoofyoubedoing?(Phoebegivesherameaningfullook)Monica:Whatareyou,animals?It's4o'clockintheafternoon!Phoebe:Igottacallhim.Justtotalktohim,there'snoharminthat.Monica:Phoebe,that'showitstarts.Idon'tneedtoeatthecake,I'lljustsmelltheicing...whydon'tIjusteatalittlesliver,or,okay,justasliceortwo.Andnextthingyouknow,you're210poundsandyougetwedgedingoingdownthetunnelslide.Phoebe,honey,Iknowthisishard.Look,ifyoutalktohim,you'regoingtowannaseehim.Andifyouseehim,you'regoingtowanttogetbacktogetherwithhim.Iknowthat'snotwhatyouwant.(pause)Givemeyourphone.Phoebe:Here.Monica:Andnowyourcell.Phoebe:Okay(shetakesahuge,clearlyobsoletecellphoneshekeepsinaclosetandgivesittoMonica)Monica:Thisisyourcellphone?Phoebe:Yes.Monica:Thisisyourcurrentcellphone?Phoebe:Yes,itremindsmeofasimplertime.Monica:Phoebe,where'syourpurse?(TheyrunforPhoebe'spurse,Phoebegetstherefirstandtakesthecell.Monicatriestotakeitawayfromher)Monica:No,no!Giveittome!Phoebe:Youcan'thaveit.Monica:Giveittome!Phoebe:No(tucksitinherpants)Monica:I'llgointhere.Phoebe:(disbelievingly)Ohyeah.Monica:Phoebecomehere(theyfightalittle,thephonefallsandMonicapicksitup)Monica:Haha!Phoebe:DamnyouMonicaGellerhyphenBing![Scene:JoeyandRachel's.EnterJoey]Joey:Hey,lookwho'shere!It'sJoey,andhebroughthomeafriend.Rachel:Joey,Emma'srighthere!Youpromisednottobringgirlshomeinthemiddleofthedayanymore.Joey:No,no,it'snotagirl,it's...abrandnewHugsy!Rachel:Ohthat'ssogreat,nowEmmahastwoHugsy's.Joey:No,no,EmmahasoneHugsy,thenewHugsy,huh?TheotherHugsy,Idon'tknow,IguessI'lljusttakeitback.Rachel:Ohyouknowwhat?WhenIwasalittlegirlIhadalittlepinkponynamedCotton.OhIlovedhersomuch,Itookhereverywhere,Iwouldbraidhertail...Joey:Makethetransfer!(Shedoesso)Rachel:ShouldIbeconcernedthatabuttonfellofftheoldHugsyandIcan'tfindit?Joey:Oh,nodon'tworryaboutthat,Iswallowedthatyearsago.(Emmacries)Rachel:Oh,Idon'tthinkshelikesthenewHugsy.Joey:Buthe'sthesame.Rachel:Yeah,Ithinkshewantstheoldoneback.Joey:Buthe'sthesame.Rachel:Joey,comeon!Joey:He'sthesame!(theyexchangeHugsy's).Joey:(tothenewHugsy)You'renotthesame![Scene:Phoebe'sapartment.EnterMonica]Monica:Haha!Phoebe:Youknow,it'salotlesssurprisingtodothatafterI'vebuzzedyouintothebuilding.Monica:SoPhoebe,whyaretheremen'sshoesbythedoor.Phoebe:Thosearemyshoes.Monica:Oh,whenyougetoverthisbreakupweneedtogoshopping.Phoebe:Monica,Ireallyappreciateyoucheckinginonme,butI'mactuallyfeelingalotbetter.Yeah,Ijustkindawanttobealonerightnow.(Someoneknocksonthedoor)Monica:Who'sthat?(goestoopendoor)Phoebe:IorderedChinesefood.(MonicaopensthedoorandMikeisstandingatthedoorway)Phoebe:Whatarethechances?1billionChinesepeopleandtheysendMike!?Monica:(ToMike)Whatareyoudoinghere?Mike:Phoebecalledme.Monica:Phoebe!Phoebe:I'msorry,Ibrokedown...Iwantedtoseehim.Monica:DamnitPhoebe!Howdidyouevencallhim?Phoebe:Thereisaspeakerphoneonthebaseunit...Monica:BaseUnit!ThinkMonica!Think!Mike:Look,ifIwannaseePhoebeandshewantstosee...Monica:(toMike)Thisdoesn'tconcernyou!!Mike:Oh!Sorry,IguessIwasthrownoffbythementionofmyname!Monica:Look,guys,youcan'tdothis,it'sjustgoingtomakegettingovereachother,thatmuchharder.Phoebe:Notifnothinghappens.Whycan't...whycan'twejusthangoutasfriends?Monica:Sure!Ifyou'rejustgonnahangoutasfriends,thenmaybeI'lljoinya.Youknow,I'myourfriend(toPhoebe)andMike'sfriend(Mikeissceptical).Phoebe:Sitdown.(PhoebeandMikesitnexttoeachother)Monica:Ohwowwowwow!!Makeroomforyourfriend!(sitsherselfdownbetweenthem)Mike:(toPhoebe)Sohow'veyoubeen?Monica:I'vebeenprettygood!Mike:(toPhoebe)Youlookreallybeautiful.Phoebe:Thanks,youlookgoodtoo.Monica:Ohnononono...thisisdangerousterritory.Keepitclean!Phoebe:Sohow'sthepianoplayinggoing?Mike:ActuallyI'vebeenplayingalotoflovesongslately.I'vemissedyou.Phoebe:I'vemissedyoutoo.(Silence)Monica:Youknow,onthewayoverhere,Isawthisdrunkguythrowup.Andthenapigeonateit![Scene:Ross'sApartment:RossisdoingsomethingonhislaptopwhenChandlerwalksin]Chandler:Hey,Ross,Ijustwantedtoapologize...(looksatlaptopscreen)..don'ttellmeyouactuallymadethosegaypicturesofme?Ross:uhuuhu,checkthisout.(Chandlersitsdownandlooksatlaptopscreen)Chandler:Huh!Sothat'swhatIwouldlooklikeifIworkedout...andwasbeingservicedbyapoliceman.You'renotactuallygoingtosendtheseoutareya?Ross:Eh..actuallyno,Idon'tneedtobecauseyourlittle"Rossisdead"jokedidn'twork,ok,therewerenoresponses.Nobodypostedanythingonthewebsite,nobodycalledmyparents,sothejokemyfriendisonyou.Nobodycalled,nobodywroteanything,nobodycaresthatI'mdead.(silence)OhmyGod!NobodycaresthatI'mdead!?Chandler:No,comeon,youknowthat'snottrue.Ross:Whatareyoutalkingabout?Yougetsixtyresponsesjustforcomingoutofthecloset!Ididn'tgetoneresponse!AndI'mdead!Chandler:Well,thegaycommunityisalotmorevocalthanthedeadcommunity.Ross:Ican'tbelievethis.Notevenmygeologylabpartner?AndIcarriedthatguy!(getsupfromhissofa)Chandler:Alrightlook,let'sthinkaboutthis,ok,doyoureallythinkthatpeoplearegonnastirupyourfamilyatthistragictime?Thatpeoplearegonnapostcondolencesonawebsite?Thisisnotaboutpeoplenotcaringthatyou'redead.Thisisaboutpeoplenothavingadecentoutletfortheirgrief.Ross:You'reright.Thereisn'tadecentoutlet.Chandler:Right,Imean,comeon,I'msurethatifyouhadafuneraloramemorialservice,tonsofpeoplewouldcome.Ross:Exactly!!(sitsbackdownathislaptopandstartstyping)Chandler:Ross,what'reyou...what'reyou...whatareyoudoing?(looksatlaptopscreen)You'rehavingamemorialserviceforyourself!?Ross:No!Thatwouldbestupid!You'rehavingitforme!Chandler:Ross,don'tpresssend,don'tpressse...!Ross:oh,toolate,toolate!It'ssent...oopssorryandsoisthepictureofyouandthepoliceman...[Scene:Joey'sroom:JoeyissittingonhisbedreadingDooLtranscriptwhenRachelwalksin]Rachel:I'mtryingtoputEmmadownforanap,haveyouseenHugsy?Joey:Originalorcrappy?Rachel:Original.Joey:No,sorryhaven'tseenhim.Rachel:Thenwhat'sthatbiglumpunderyourcovers?Joey:It'sMonica,ok?Rachel:That'snotMonica!Joey:Alright!!Fine!It'soriginalHugsy!No,nowIknowthatEmmawantshimbuthe'smineandIneedhim..Rachel:(toherself)OhGod.Joey:...she'sbeingunreasonable!Rachel:(yelling)Joey,thereisareasonthatEmmalovesthatstupidpenguinsomuch(JoeycoversHugsy'sears)Ohdon'tcoveritsears!(stopsyelling)It'sbecauseitremindsherofheruncleJoey!Joey:Itdoes?Rachel:Yeah!Andshe'scomfortedbyhimbecauseshelovesheruncleJoeysomuch.Joey:Really?She...shelovesme?Rachel:Ohyeah!Butyouknowwhat?IfyouneedHugsy,don'tworry.Emmawilltotallyunderstand.Iwon't...butwhatever(Sheleavestheroom).Joey:Ok,waitwaitwaitwaitaminutewaitaminute,ImeanRach,Imeanifif....IfHugsymeansthatmuchtoEmmathen...wellshecanhavehim.Rachel:Oooh...you'resweet,IknewuncleJoeywouldstepup.(TurnstofaceEmmainthetheplaypen)LookEmma,lookwho'sbaaack!Joey:Lookforgetitforgetit...Ican'tdoit.Rachel:Areyougonna...you'regoingtotakeHugsyawayfromalittlechild?Joey:HowdoyouthinkIgothiminthefirstplace?[Scene:Phoebe'sapartment:Phoebe,MonicaandMikesittingonthecouch](Monicaisgettingupfromthecouch)Monica:Alrightyoutwo,I'mgonnagotothebathroom.NowIdon'twantanythinggoingonwhileI'mgone.Here'safewthingsyoucandiscuss:mucus,fungusandtheideaofmeandRossdoingit.Mike:I'vemissedyousomuch!No,I'mnotgonnaaskyoutogetbacktogetherbecauseIknowwewantdifferentthings,butjusttobewithyouonemorenight.Phoebe:Iknow,Iwantthattoo,butISthatgoingtomakeittoohard?Mike:Itcan'tbeanyharderthanthis...Imean,IfIhadknownthelasttimeIsawyouwouldbethelasttime,I...Iwouldhavestoppedtomemorizeyourface,thewayyoumove,everythingaboutyou.IfIhadknownthelasttimeIkissedyouwouldhavebeenthelasttime...Ineverwouldhavestopped.Monica:(runningbackintotheroom)Kisshim,youfool!!Phoebe:What?Monica:Didn'tyouhearthatspeech?Ifyoudon'tkisshimthenIwill!Phoebe:Oh,Imissedyousomuch!(shekissesMike)Strangeman:(heboundsintothehouse)Iknewyou'dbehere!Mike:Oh,crap!Phoebe:Whoisthis?Mike:MyfriendManny.Iaskedhimtokeepmeawayfromyou.Monica:Hi,that'swhatI'mdoingforPhoebe!Manny:Well,youarenotdoingaverygoodjob!Monica:Excuseme?Manny:What'swiththekissing?Monica:Hey,atleastIknewwheremyguywas.Manny:Ohyeahyeah,thankGodyouwereheretooverseeallthekissing!Monica:Youdidn'thearthespeech!Manny:I'veheardthespeech:(inamockingvoice)"ifheknewitwasgonnabethelasttimehesawher..."Monica:Hey,itwasverymoving!You'rejustheartless!Manny:You'reweak!Monica:You're...weird!Manny:Yourpantsareundone!Monica:Oh(realizesherpantsareundoneandzipsthemup)!Manny:(lookingatthesofa)Wheredidtheygo?Monica:Damnit!Manny:Ohweblewit.Iblamemyself.Monica:AndIblameyoutoo.[Scene:MonicaandChandler'sapartment]Ross:It'sbeenanhourandnotoneofmyclassmateshasshownup!Itellyou,whenIactuallydiesomepeoplearegonnagetseriouslyhaunted!(someoneknocksonthedoor)Chandler:Thereyougo!Someonecame!Ross:Ok,ok!I'mgonnagohide!Oh,thisissoexciting,myfirstmourner!(hehidesinthebedroomandclosesthedoor)(ChandlerandMonicagoopenthedoor)Monica:Hi,gladyoucouldcome.Chandler:(inamournfulvoice)Please,comein.Tom:Hi,you'reChandlerBing,right?I'mTomGordon,Iwasinyourclass.Chandler:Ohyes,yes...letme...takeyourcoat.Tom:Thanks...uh...I'msosorryaboutRoss,it's...Chandler:Atleasthedieddoingwhatheloved...watchingblimps(hegoesinthebedroom)Ross:Whoishe?Chandler:Someguy,TomGordon.Ross:Idon'trememberhim,butthenagainItouchedsomanylives.(theypresstheirearsagainstthedoor)Monica:So,didyouknowRosswell?Tom:Oh,actuallyIbarelyknewhim.Yeah,IcamebecauseIheardChandler'snews.D'youknowifhe'sseeinganyone?Monica:(abitsurprised)Yes,heis.Me.Tom:What?You...You...Oh!CanIaskyouapersonalquestion?Ho-howdoyoushaveyourbeardsoclose?Chandler:(entering,veryupset)OkTommy,that'senoughmourningforyou!Herewego,byebye!!(heshoveshimoutthedoor)Tom:(beforeleaving)Hey,listen.Callme.Chandler:Ok!(shutsthedoorbehindTom)Ross:(comingin)I'mdeadandnoonecares?Monica:Ilooklikeaman??Chandler:Please,oneridiculousproblematatime!Ross:Itisn'tridiculous,lookaround!Noone'shere!Chandler:Yougavethemoneday'snotice,noteveryoneinourclasschecksthewebsiteeverydayandMonica...it'sprobablythewayyoustand!Ross:Yes,you'reright.Stillsomebodymusthaveseenit...Imean,Iwenttothatschoolfor4years,Ididn'thaveanimpactonanyone?Chandler:Oh,that'snottrue.Youhadanimpactonme,Imean,it's15yearslaterandwe'restillbestfriends.Doesn'tthatcountforsomething?Ross:(sceptical)Yeah...(someoneknocksonthedoor)Oh,great.MorepartyboysforChandler!Chandler:I'msureit'ssomebodyforyou.Now,gohide.(Rosshidesinthebedroomagain)(Chandlersopensthedoor.Abeautifulwomanstandsatthedoorway.)Kori:Hi.I'mhereforRossGeller'smemorialservice.Chandler:Kori?KoriWeston?Kori:Yeah...Chandler:Wow!Youlookamazing!Kori:Andyouare...Chandler:Chandler,ChandlerBing.I'mnotgay,I'mnotgayatall.Monica:Youaremarriedthough.Chandler:Don'tlistentohim,he'sinareallybadmood!(letsherin)Kori:Ican'tbelievethatRossisgone.Itisjustsosad.Chandler:Ididn'tknowRossandyouweresoclose.Kori:Weweren'tbutwehadoneclasstogether.Hewassuchagreatguyandhetalkedsopassionatelyaboutscience.Ialwaysrememberedhim.Chandler:I'msurethatwouldmeanalottohim.Andifheavenhasadoor,I'msurehe'spressinghisearupagainstitandlisteningintently.Kori:Ithoughtsomanytimesaboutcallinghimandaskinghimout.IguessIreallymissedmychance.Ross:(heboundsintotheloungeroom)Butyoudidn't!I'mstillalive!!Kori,Iknowthisisabigsurpriseforyou.It'salongstorybutthethingsyoujustsaidreallymademyday!Imean,thefactthatyouareheremeansmoretomethanifthisroomwerefilledwithpeople!Kori:Yousickfreak,whodoesthat?Ican'tbelieveIhadacrushonyou!(sheleavesandslamsthedoorbehindher)Ross:Didyouhearthat?KoriWestonhadacrushonme!!EndingCredits[Scene:Ross'apartment]Ross:(onthephone)NoMum,I'mnotdead.Iknowit'snotsomethingtokidabout.ItwasjustapracticaljokebetweenChandlerandme,butit'sover,ok?(pause)Actuallyno,evenifIhaddied,youwouldnotbeleftchildless.(pause)Monica?END917葬禮嗨!可以走了嗎?好的,等我寫完先羅斯,看我!唉,還真是玩不轉(zhuǎn)!你寫什么呢?-見過嗎?新的大學(xué)同學(xué)錄!帥!可以給同學(xué)留言,通報(bào)自己的近況好地方可以昭告天下——我失業(yè)且無后了解別人的動(dòng)向其實(shí)滿有趣的還記得AndreaRich嗎?不肯跟你上床那個(gè)妞?呃……她的網(wǎng)絡(luò)公司倒閉，而且她在滑船事故中成了"一只耳"她現(xiàn)在一定愿意跟你上床了...我已給她去信我看看你的自我介紹:古生物學(xué)博士,育有兩子……什么,"和Carol因興趣不合而分手?"你們好象是因?yàn)樾匀は嗤欧质值陌?我還是呆會(huì)寫完它吧,我去拿外套嘿!出門前就不能老實(shí)點(diǎn)嗎?我們代勞!我在實(shí)驗(yàn)室克隆了一只恐龍...她現(xiàn)在是我的女朋友"別人的看法我不管,我從沒有過如此好的性體驗(yàn)"好...發(fā)送!不,不行...等等...你怎么能這么做!-好了,走吧!-你小子!憑你的表現(xiàn)，讓你在室內(nèi)持球？我信不過好吧...發(fā)送!嘿!球打得怎么樣?本來挺有趣的...直到一只手指戳進(jìn)了錢德勒的眼睛!天，誰下的毒手？錢德勒...瑞...企鵝先生怎么在愛瑪?shù)拇采?她到處亂爬,發(fā)現(xiàn)了他,所以我就讓他陪愛瑪睡覺沒問題吧,是不是?是的...當(dāng)然沒問題...填充玩具...你知道...給小孩子的...大人不適用...我很清楚喬伊...你還好吧?我是說,我知道你有多喜歡這個(gè)玩具!瑞秋...咱們得說清楚,我并不迷戀企鵝先生.我只是普通的喜歡好吧...可愛瑪迷戀他!誰能不喜歡呢?多可愛的一個(gè)人!嗨.菲比...你好嗎?感覺好點(diǎn)兒了嗎?去TMD分手!我很想麥克!哦,真抱歉!天啊,我用盡了所有方法讓自己好過些甚至想為此寫歌可我...找不到任何詞匯跟“啊”能壓韻莫尼卡,你必須幫我度過這個(gè)難關(guān)你不需要我的幫助嗎?哦不,當(dāng)我想...等我想聽諷刺麥克的刻薄話，我再找你四個(gè)!我已經(jīng)想出第四個(gè)了好的，因?yàn)槲乙呀?jīng)想到了3個(gè)...我知道我是正確的.你知道,麥克無意再婚，我不應(yīng)該陷進(jìn)這種沒有將來的關(guān)系中但...才沒多久我就已經(jīng)這么想他了真想再見他一面。而你，必須得阻止我這么做好，沒問題!不過...也許有點(diǎn)太過分...雖然...你知道,沒有將來但這并不意味著我們不會(huì)快樂知道嗎?忘了我說過的話真的?如果你真這么想...剛才只是個(gè)測試，你不及格TMD!新手錯(cuò)誤!我和恐龍做愛??好象聽說過這不但不可笑,而且在生理上是不可能的!明白嗎?我得有六英尺長才能...這一點(diǎn)兒都不可笑!!我對(duì)此保留意見.你竟然在我的同學(xué)錄上寫了這些!誰會(huì)在意?沒人會(huì)去看.最好是沒有，因?yàn)槲覄倓偪戳四憔W(wǎng)頁上的留言.我沒有網(wǎng)頁.哦!我對(duì)此保留意見!!看看我的小寶貝,天真又可愛睡得像個(gè)小天使...卻被困在愛瑪胖嘟嘟的手臂中...沒事了,愛瑪,你可以繼續(xù)睡了離嬰兒床遠(yuǎn)點(diǎn),我有武器!沒事兒,瑞,是我放下彈弓.你干嗎?嗯,我聽到愛瑪睡不安穩(wěn),所以來看看她是不是能夠夠到企鵝先生哦，謝謝.沒關(guān)系,現(xiàn)在，我得去趟洗手間給你，小乖...跟你沒完！等等,為什么羅斯會(huì)告訴所有同學(xué)你一直是同性戀?因?yàn)槲腋嬖V所有人,他和恐龍做愛但那很明顯是個(gè)玩笑.而這有可能是真的你能接一下嗎?他們不斷打電話祝賀我你好?他不在是的,我是他妻子是啊,沒錯(cuò),我也很吃驚我也覺得我早就該知道.我是說,他總是逼我看《紅磨坊》掛電話,快掛了.另外那電影是真不錯(cuò)!我得報(bào)復(fù)羅斯...讓他瞧瞧我的厲害,瞧著你在干什么?等著瞧好戲!朋友.我死了?而且還這么年輕.竟然說我死了?這可一點(diǎn)都不有趣你的死法很有趣.拜托,被胖子撞死?美國每年都有一個(gè)人因此喪命難以置信,我的同學(xué)竟然以為我死了,我的教授,我...我父母會(huì)接到電話.你忽略了這些人的感受.還跟我談感受?你該聽聽昨天斯特恩教授有多傷心，只因?yàn)槲揖芙^陪他去“西礁”（同性戀天堂）!你玩過界了,但是沒事兒,因?yàn)槲乙ベI個(gè)photoshop軟件和一堆同性戀錄像沒錯(cuò)兒!你的行為馬上就有圖為證了！老天,真希望麥克在這兒如果麥克在這兒，你們會(huì)做什么?你們是動(dòng)物嗎?現(xiàn)在是下午4點(diǎn)!我得給他打個(gè)電話.說說話而已,沒大礙菲比,災(zāi)難都是這樣開始的我不吃蛋糕,我只是聞了聞...為什么不能只吃一小條兒...或者...一、兩片兒?結(jié)果,你變成了210磅甚至連擠進(jìn)過道都很困難菲比,親愛的,我知道這很痛苦如果你和他通話,你就會(huì)想要見到他如果你見到他,你就會(huì)想要和他重修舊好我知道這并不是你想要的結(jié)果把電話給我給.還有你的手機(jī)好吧這是你的手機(jī)?是呀.這是你現(xiàn)在用的手機(jī)?是的,這會(huì)勾起我對(duì)往日的回憶.菲比,你的包呢?不!把他給我!這可不能給你.給我!不那兒我也能拿到.天啊來吧不呀哈!去死吧，MonicaGeller-Bing!(直呼全名以示憤怒)看看是誰來了!是喬伊、帶回來一個(gè)好朋友喬伊,愛瑪可還在這兒呢!你答應(yīng)過這些日子不會(huì)帶姑娘回來的不,不是姑娘,是...一個(gè)嶄新的企鵝先生!太棒了,現(xiàn)在愛瑪有兩個(gè)企鵝先生了.不,愛瑪有一個(gè),這個(gè)新的,怎么樣?另一個(gè),我不知道,也許我可以把他拿回去了你知道嗎?我小時(shí)候有一只粉色的小馬,叫棉花糖我非常喜歡他,走到哪兒都帶著他,我可以編他的尾巴...趕緊換過來!我得說一句,這個(gè)企鵝先生的扣子掉了,我怎么也找不到哦,別擔(dān)心,一年前我就把他吞了天啊,我覺得她不喜歡新的企鵝先生.但他們是一樣的.是的,可我想把舊的要回來但他們是一樣的.喬伊,快點(diǎn)兒!他是一樣的!你沒半點(diǎn)像他！哈哈!我叫你來的，所以沒什么好吃驚的。菲比,門口怎么會(huì)有男人的鞋子那是我的鞋哦，看來你們分完手，我得帶你去購物了聽著,莫妮卡,非常感謝你看著我，可我已經(jīng)感覺好多了我現(xiàn)在想一個(gè)人呆會(huì)兒會(huì)是誰?我叫了中國菜這是什么幾率?十億多中國人，他們卻派來了麥克!?你來干什么?菲比叫我來的菲比!抱歉,我食言了...我想見他去你的!你是怎么給他打