2024屆高考英語作文復(fù)習(xí)專項續(xù)寫講義：紹興二模續(xù)寫分析 講義素材

續(xù)寫講義：紹興二模續(xù)寫分析講義閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。Kevinwoketotheblaringbeepofhisalarmclock."Can'twaitforthatcampingtrip,"Kevinthought,filledwithexcitement.Ashewasleavinghome,hisdadgrabbedhimbythehandandsaid,"Beforeyougo,justtellmethedirectionsonwhereyouandyourfriendsaregoingtostay.""Butdad!"Kevincomplained."Nobuts!"Kevin'sdadadded."Fine."Kevintoldhimthedirectionsandleft.Thethreefriends,Kevin,JayandNathan,hadbeenplanningthisadventureforweeks,packingtheirstuff-tents,snacks,andamap-preparingfora3-dayoutdoorexploration.ExcitementranthroughKevinastheydepartedfortheircampsite."Thistripisgoingtobeawesome,"Nathanexcitedlyyelledastheysetoff.Butlittledidtheyknowthatnaturehadasurpriseinstoreforthem.Thefirstdayatthecampsitewasgoinggreat,settinguptents,collectingfirewood,andsharingstories."Man,wenailedthesetents,"Kevinsaid."Iknowitwaseasyreally,"Nathanreplied.Thefriendswerehappy.Yettowardsnight,asthedarkcloudsgatheredoverhead,theatmosphereshifted,andasuddenstormeruptedwithunforgivinganger.Rainpoureddownfromtheheavenslikearelentlesswaterfall,transformingthepeacefulcampsiteintoamuddybattleground.Worsestill,ahugetreewasuprootedandcrasheddownwithadeafeningcrackontheironlymeansofescape-theircar.Kevin'seyeswidenedinhorrorashespottedthedamagedwreckagebeneaththefallengiant."Ourcar!"hescreamedoverthehowlingwind,hisvoiceamixofdisbeliefanddespair."We'restuckhere,"hedeclared,hiswordsbarelyaudibleagainstthebackdropofthunderandraindrops.Theyrealizedthattheirplanshadbeenviolentlyspoiledbyforcesbeyondtheircontrol.Theoncequietcampsitenowstoodasadesertedbattlefield,thefallentreeservingasapainfulreminderoftheunpredictablenatureoftheworldaroundthem.注意：1.

續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；2.

請按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。Paragraph1:Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.Paragraph2:Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.52143法解讀：5W解讀、2條線索，1個主題，4句框架和3大原則第一步：Analyzethestory：5Ws

解讀who

whenwherewhatwhy

Who---Kevin:theson;Kevin’sdad;JayandNathan(Kevin’sfriends)分析：

全文以Kevin

為主要視角講述故事。Paragraph1:Thenextday,

they

foundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.

第一段人物落在Kevin

和他兩位好友身上。Paragraph2:Onthethirdnight,

adistantenginesound

broketheterriblestillness.

第二段人物落在Kevin’sdad

和Kevin等三個朋友身上。When---threedaysatthecampsite

根據(jù)原文：thefirstday---thefirstnightParagraph1:

Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.Paragraph2:

Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.分析：共三天的露營經(jīng)歷，第一天加晚上原文提供。第一段是第二天白天，晚上加第三天白天。第二段發(fā)生在第三天晚上。注意兩段續(xù)寫里的時間銜接合理性。Where---atthecampsiteinthewilderness.分析：續(xù)寫兩段都地點設(shè)定在野外露營地，第一段地點根據(jù)theimmediateproblemoffindingwater地點可以移動到如river,stream,brook等溪流地。第二段仍然在露營地，最后可以（但不是必須）轉(zhuǎn)場回家，點主題。What

：Kevin

和兩好朋友去野外露營遇到大雨被困最后被救的故事。Why

：主題語境為人與自然。通過大自然給人的unpredictablesurprise，既講述野外露營的安全性問題又強調(diào)面對困境人所表現(xiàn)的問題解決能力以及展現(xiàn)的勇敢和堅韌的品質(zhì)。符合自然災(zāi)害與防范，安全常識與自我保護(hù)內(nèi)容要求的考查。第二步：2143抓兩線索,定一個主題,寫四個框架句，并基于三個原則分析問題沖突和伏筆求變化和解決方案。一）2條線索：故事線：Kevin和他兩個朋友去露營，結(jié)果在營地遇到暴雨，并連根拔起一株大樹砸在他們唯一的逃生車子上。情感線：eagerness(forcamping)---excitement(atthestartingtrip)---happiness(onthefirstday)---horror(atstormynight)---desperation/courage/resilience/determination(thenextdayinP1)---hope/exhilaration/reflection(onthethirdnightinP2)二）1個主題：本文主題可以聚焦在：1）野外露營計劃告知第三方人的重要性（安全常識）；2）在野外遇到險情或自然災(zāi)害展開自救所需要的勇氣，堅韌，互助和智慧（自我保護(hù)）。本文主題應(yīng)去親情化（很多學(xué)生落筆于lovebetweenfatherandtheson，屬于跑偏）。三）4個框架句：寫讀后續(xù)寫不同于寫其它作文，有可能需要先倒著寫的Step1:

先把最后一句寫好，即：主題句Backhome,Kevin'sdadsaid,“Goodthingyoutoldmethosedirections,”teachingthemtheimportanceofinformingsomeoneaboutplans.Theexperienceturnedintotalesofcourageandresilience,embeddedintheirmemoriesaslessonsforalifetime.Step2:

再把銜接句寫好，即第一段的最后一句：Theirnerveswereneartheedgeofbreakingdownafterlonghoursofuncertaintyinthewilderness.Step3:

緊接著每段的提示語句運用主位推進(jìn)手法寫角色的動作和情感反應(yīng)：Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.

Theboyspushedthroughthebushes,andthesearchforwatersoondrainedtheirenergy.Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.

“Itmustbemydad!”Kevinyelled.

四）接下來就是把每段的中間補充完整，記住三大原則：1.Action—Response原則：角色A的所言、所行、所感、所想會引起其它角色的一系列反應(yīng)的。如對話必點題，也就是說在續(xù)寫中不鼓勵角色之間用直接引語進(jìn)行對話，可以用運用情感加具體動作的白描手法進(jìn)行respond,推動情節(jié)。2.Conflict—Solution原則：一般而言第二段會有問題的solution，比如本文的

solution根據(jù)adistantenginesound就知道是Kevin的爸爸開車來救了。有些學(xué)生寫了therescueteam,alltheparents等文中沒出現(xiàn)的人物來營救，在續(xù)寫中不妥。同時思考：續(xù)寫的solution出現(xiàn)位置是不是千篇一律的第二段？能否在第一段出現(xiàn)一個問題，然后把它解決了。這都要基于對兩段首句的仔細(xì)研讀。3.Negative—Positive原則：寫作中一定要體現(xiàn)情感的變化，無論前面是這樣的變化，最終都是積極的。下面根據(jù)本文的原文伏筆點（Problem/conflict/foreshadow）思考如何呼應(yīng)解決（Solution/change/echo）原文伏筆(foreshadow\problem)解讀分析(analysis/reason)續(xù)寫呼應(yīng)(change/solution)"Fine."Kevintold

himthedirectionsandleft.

暗示第二段adistantenginesound是爸爸開車來救。也暗示野外露營告知父母信息的安全常識的重要性Acar

slowlypulleduptotheircampsiteandafamiliarfigurerushedto

them---Yes!ItwasKevin’sdad!Thethreefriends,Kevin,JayandNathan,had

beenplanningthisadventureforweeks,packingtheirstuff-tents,snacks,

andamap-preparingfora3-dayoutdoorexploration.他們所帶的東西供三天露營用，跟續(xù)寫段落第三天晚上被救合扣，說明當(dāng)時三人可以饑餓恐懼擔(dān)心但不至于餓昏等更嚴(yán)重的結(jié)果。原文提到他們所帶之物沒水，說明第一段必須得去尋水。所帶之物里有map暗示此為尋水時候的工具。After

examiningthemap,theyfollowedthetrailuntiltheyfoundarelentless

waterfall

cascadingdownthemountain

andflowingintoariver,whichsolvedtheirwatercrisis.Butlittledidtheyknowthat

naturehadasurpriseinstoreforthem.

Asurprise

是文章的題眼，暗示主題可以圍繞它進(jìn)行反思提升，也就是聚焦在自然帶給他們的問題theirplanshadbeenviolentlyspoiledby

forcesbeyondtheircontrol，反思在unpredictablenature中進(jìn)行camping

的安全常識和相應(yīng)品質(zhì)的培養(yǎng)。Backhome,

Kevin'sdadsaid,“Goodthingyoutoldmethosedirections,”teachingthem

theimportanceofinformingsomeoneaboutplans.Theexperienceturnedinto

talesofcourageandresilience,embeddedintheirmemoriesaslessonsfora

lifetime.

基于以上分析，設(shè)置情節(jié)如下：Paragraph1:

Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.Q1：Whatdidtheydoandfeel?(waterseeking/exhaustion/hunger.)Theysearchedforwaterbutsoongottiredandhungry.Q2：Whatdifficultydidtheyencounterduringtheprocess?(energy

burnout/encouragement/cooperation)Theywantedtogiveup,butKevinencouragedthemtogoonandlaterheardthesoundofwater.Q3：

Whatwastheresult/theirfeelinginthe

wilderness?(stream/river/brook/scare/uncertainty/hopelessness)Theyfoundastream.Buttheyfeltveryscaredwaitinginthedarknessofthewilderness.Paragraph2:

Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.Q1:Whocameandwhatweretheirfeelings?(Kevin’sfather/surprise)ItwasKevin’sfather.Theyfeltrelieved.Q2：Whatwastheirinteractionandfeelings?(gratitude,andoverwhelmingjoy)Kevin’sfathertookthemhome.Theyfeltgratefulandjoyful.Q3：Whatwastheirreflection/lesson?(theme)Itwasimportanttoinformpeopleofthedirectioninadvance.語言表達(dá)

一）升級1.Theysearchedforwaterbutsoongottiredandhungry.Polished:Theboyspushedthroughthebushes,andthesearchforwatersoondrainedtheirenergy.(細(xì)節(jié)動詞，無靈主語)2.Theywantedtogiveup,butKevinencouragedthemtogoonandlaterheardthesoundofwater.Polished:Theywereabouttogiveupwhentheyheardasmallsound,asplashofsomesort.

（固定句式；同位語）3.Theyfoundastream.Buttheyfeltveryscaredwaitinginthedarknessofthewilderness.Polished:Theyranasfastastheycouldandfoundasmallstream-alifelineinallthechallenges.However,withtimepassingby,morechallengeemerged-limitedfood,frightfulnightfilledwithwildernesssounds,andtheuncertaintyofsurvivalinthewild.Theirnerveswereneartheedgeofbreakingdownafterlonghoursofuncertaintyinthewilderness.（固定詞組，with短語）4.ItwasKevin’sfather.Theyfeltrelieved.Polished:“Itmustbemydad!”Kevinyelled.Reliefwashedoverthewearyfacesastheywitnessedtheapproachofaruggedvehicle,withheadlightscuttingthroughthedarkness-abeaconofhopeamidsttheperil.5.Kevin’sfathertookthemhome.Theyfeltgratefulandjoyful.Itwasimportanttoinformpeopleofthedirectioninadvance.Polished:Thejourneybackwasfilledwithsurvivalstoriesandlessonslearned,deepeningtheirunderstandingofthewilderness.Backhome,Kevin'sdadsaid,“Goodthingyoutoldmethosedirections,”teachingthemtheimportanceofinformingsomeoneaboutplans.Theexperienceturnedintotalesofcourageandresilience,embeddedintheirmemoriesaslessonsforalifetime.參考范文：Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.Theboyspushedthroughthebushes,andthesearchforwatersoondrainedtheirenergy.Theywereabouttogiveupwhentheyheardasmallsound,asplashofsomesort.“Wait!Didyouhearthat?”Jay’svoicesoundedhelpfulastheyfollowedthefaintsoundofthewater.“Metoo!Let'skeepgoing,”,Kevinencouraged,soundingdetermined.Theyranasfastastheycouldandfoundasmallstream-alifelineinallthechallenges.However,withtimepassingby,morechallengeemerged-limitedfood,frightfulnightfilledwithwildernesssounds,andtheuncertaintyofsurvivalinthewild.Theirnerveswereneartheedgeofbreakingdownafterlonghoursofuncertaintyinthewilderness.Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.“Itmustbemydad!”Kevinyelled.Reliefwashedoverthewearyfacesastheywitnessedtheapproachofaruggedvehicle,withheadlightscuttingthroughthedarkness-abeaconofhopeamidsttheperil.Kevin'sdadsteppedouttomeetthegroup.Theemotionsthatplayedacrosstheirfaces-disbelief,gratitude,andoverwhelmingjoy-mirroredthesharedtroublethathadforgedadeepbondamongthem.Thejourneybackwasfilledwithsurvivalstoriesandlessonslearned,deepeningtheirunderstandingofthewilderness.Backhome,Kevin'sdadsaid,“Goodthingyoutoldmethosedirections,”teachingthemtheimportanceofinformingsomeoneaboutplans.Theexperienceturnedintotalesofcourageandresilience,embeddedintheirmemoriesaslessonsforalifetime.語言表達(dá)：二）場景paragraph1Scene1:積極尋水，互相鼓勵1.Theboyspushedthroughthebushes,andthesearchforwatersoondrainedtheirenergy.Theywereabouttogiveupwhentheyheardasmallsound,asplashofsomesort.2.Dependentonthemap,theysearchedthesurroundingsandtheireyesstrainedtolookforpurewatersource,yetonlytofindnothingbutamazeoftoweringpinesencirclingthem.Scene2:

被困野外，疲憊驚恐3.However,withtimepassingby,morechallengeemerged-limitedfood,frightfulnightfilledwithwildernesssounds,andtheuncertaintyofsurvivalinthewild.Theirnerveswereneartheedgeofbreakingdownafterlonghoursofuncertaintyinthewilderness.4.Feargnawingattheirhearts,theywerestrandedinthemiddleofnowhereandwereplungedintopitchdarkness.Afteraharvestlessday,themellowtwilightsmoothlyveiledtehskylineandthetranquilityprevailedovertheforest,butnoneofthebeautywasadmiredbythethreewearinghearts.Struckbydespairandremorse,Kevinhadnothingtodobutprayisdadcouldcometorescuethem.Tothem,secondsdraggedbylikecenturies