海淀一模英語作文例文及詳解.ppt

1、假設(shè)你是紅星中學(xué)高二（1）班的學(xué)生李華。下面四幅圖描述了上周五你參加的一次拓展訓(xùn)練活動(dòng)。請根據(jù)圖片的先后順序，用英語為?？瘜懸黄涛?。詞數(shù)不少于60。 參考詞匯：Outward Bound 拓展訓(xùn)練,第一節(jié) 情景作文,2012,4 海淀一模書面表達(dá),時(shí)態(tài)，人稱要準(zhǔn)確，要點(diǎn)要全：到達(dá)，跳橋，翻墻，照相缺一項(xiàng)9-11分，缺兩項(xiàng)2-5分，有細(xì)節(jié)支撐，有一幅圖不寫細(xì)節(jié)的就降一檔，要有語言質(zhì)量，邏輯合理,Early in the morning, we arrived at the Outward Bound Centre in our school bus/by school bus. With th

2、e sun rising above the horizon, we took our school bus heading for the Outward Bound training camp The moment we arrived, we were divided into three different teams and the trainer introduced the arrangements to us. Upon arrival, we gathered at the entrance in three groups, receiving the instruction

3、s from the coach.,Jumped across a broken bridge Jump from one side/end to the other. Protected by the safety ropes tied/fastened around the waist. Afraid, the first girl hesitated at that height at first. Looking down, some girls dared not jump across in the beginning With the encouragement and help

4、 of the coach, we finally made it. Though scared at first, every one of us, with the coachs encouragement and help, finally managed to jump onto the other end safe and sound one after another. What a thrilling experience!,Climbed over the escape wall. With the help of the coach and the teammates we

5、succeeded in getting over the survival wall Supported by those standing below and pulled by those above, all of us were able to get to safety. We had to depend on the power of the whole team so as to make it to the other side of the escaping wall.,Had a photo taken with awards and the coach. Won pri

6、zes for our courage and cooperation Got awards for bravery and teamwork. To keep the good memories for good, we got several photos taken at the entrance of the training base with the trainer and prizes we won. To record the challenging but rewarding experience, we took photos with the coach and awar

7、ds.,情景作文典型錯(cuò)誤,時(shí)態(tài)： 誤用現(xiàn)在時(shí)/現(xiàn)在時(shí)與過去時(shí)混搭。 落要點(diǎn)：第一圖（乘車到達(dá)），最后一圖（合影留念）。 介紹營地過細(xì)/把第二幅圖和第三幅圖合并并一筆帶過。 單詞拼寫：1）名詞/形容詞/介詞動(dòng)詞化；2）不規(guī)則動(dòng)詞ed 化；3）單詞拼寫語音化/隨意化board， effect/efforts; rope, bridge, nervous; divided; led; skip/slip; climb; jump; flew; unity; teamwork; cooperation, bravery/courage; win an award/a prize In that day

8、 morning/ On last Friday, The train encouraged us that dont be afraid. By our school bus/ under the help of We took the bus get/to there. We made up/divided into three groups. We jumped from one said to another Next we had to over/through/across the flee/leave wall All of us did/finished very good.

9、The moment we arrived, most of us couldnt wait to have a try at the equipment. First of all, we were given necessary instructions about rules of safety before we were divided into three groups and taken to different places separately.,Last Friday, my class took part in a meaningful and challenging c

10、ourseOutward Bound. (總說） (15分作文） Early in the morning, we got to an Outward Bound centre on our school bus. Upon arrival, we were divided into several groups and our coach introduced the course to us. Shortly afterwards, we got involved in various activities. One of them was jumping across a broken

11、bridge. I was afraid at first, but with the encouragement of the coach, I finally made it. What impressed me most was climbing over a wall to “escape.” We helped one another and all of us managed to “survive.” Before we left the centre, we had a photo taken to record the unforgettable experience, wh

12、ich gave us a good chance to build up courage and improve our sense of teamwork.,I always believe that it is through outside activities rather than text books that we get a better comprehension about something inside such as friendship, courage and cooperation. Last Friday we were organized to take

13、part in an Outward Bound . With great enthusiasm, we arrived at the Outward Bound institution early in the morning by school bus. The instructor divided us into groups and gave us some instructions so that we could experience a more exciting day. No sooner had we stepped into the gate than we starte

14、d to try for the first program, in which everyone was requested to jump across a broken bridge. With the help of the instructor, each of us did well, even a classmate who was afraid of high places created a miracle for himself. Having experienced the thrilling activity, we came to the “escaping wall

15、” activity which taught us what great power cooperation had. Everybody could see only by depending on each other was it possible for us to get over the wall. With the efforts from everyone, hard as it was, we eventually got through the huge obstacle. When having finished all the activities, we sat t

16、ogether in front of the gate, with awards for courage and cooperation in our hands, and had a photo taken to memorize this rewarding experience,Time passed quickly and before we knew it ,it was time for us to say goodbye to the Outward Bound Base. We were tired but happy. The memorable activities wh

17、ich teach us the importance of friendship, courage and cooperation will be kept in our minds forever.,3檔 14分,作文3檔14分.JPG,Describe the picture - 描述圖片（三分之一篇幅）; Explain how you understand it - 對于圖片的理解和自己的觀點(diǎn)（三分之二篇幅） 句式的多樣性：定語從句，非謂語，強(qiáng)調(diào)，倒裝句,以及高級(jí)詞匯的使用自然流暢。2）不只看單句，要看前后句的連貫性和邏輯。,附件,立意 ：折射出什么生活現(xiàn)象，給人以什么啟示 1.不要

18、好高騖遠(yuǎn) 2.想成功，從小事做起 3.只有抓住現(xiàn)在才能成功，不要太過關(guān)注將來 4.不要看的太遠(yuǎn)，有時(shí)成功就在眼前 5.要確立一個(gè)容易實(shí)現(xiàn)的夢想 6.有的人花更多的時(shí)間在尋找，所以錯(cuò)過了很多事而一事無成 7.粗心就會(huì)失去很多機(jī)會(huì) 8.應(yīng)該去踏實(shí)做事而不是觀望 9.立足腳下 10.不能只顧向前看,可以接受的立意,常見錯(cuò)誤,描圖不全面，不準(zhǔn)確，丟三落四。 時(shí)態(tài)老問題：過去時(shí)。 首句老毛病：As can be seen,(.) A man 關(guān)鍵單詞不會(huì)拼寫：telescope；net 立意不明確，過于牽強(qiáng)（如方法，工具等已寫、背過的作文） 描圖與立意脫節(jié)；議論部分前后不一致，不連貫；上下文邏輯不通。（

19、如寫著寫著就寫成了要堅(jiān)持努力就一定會(huì)成功的固定套路） 語言質(zhì)量不高，很多只是語言的堆砌，鮮有精彩的句式或段落。 議論部分顯得淺薄，缺乏深度，眼界過窄，認(rèn)識(shí)不到位。 9 .有些立意明顯缺乏生活常識(shí)。（如用望遠(yuǎn)鏡捕魚）。,In the picture, a man on a boat is searching for some fish in the distance with a telescope. However, his efforts do not pay off, for the net is still empty. Amusingly, a school of fish is sw

20、imming just nearby, but he completely ignores them. What the picture conveys is that we should never aim too high, neglecting the readily attainable goal. If the man stopped focusing on the distant waters and looked around, the fish near the boat would be an easy harvest for him. In our daily life,

21、we often make the same mistake. Without realizing the simple truth that some precious chances around us might slip away ,we tend to believe that the higher our goal is, the bigger success we will achieve. Actually, our work will be more fruitful if we are more practical.,Amusingly, he ignores a scho

22、ol of fish is swimming just nearby.,In the picture, a man on a boat is searching for some fish with a telescope. However, his efforts do not pay off, for the net is still empty. Amusingly, a group of fish is swimming just nearby, but he completely ignores them. What the picture conveys is that we sh

23、ould never aim too high, neglecting the readily attainable goal. If the man stopped focusing on the distant waters and looked around, the fish near the boat would be an easy harvest for him. This is not uncommon in our daily life. When we aim to build one ridiculously large project but neglect the s

24、eemingly small task at hand , we may end up completing nothing. However，if we aim for one small goal after another, we may complete a large project in the end without great difficulty. As far as I am concerned ,we should be more practical when we want to achieve something in life. Only in this way c

25、an we reach our goal successfully.,In the picture, we can see a man standing in a boat, looking far ahead through the telescope, while neglecting the small fish swimming around his boat. What the picture seems to convey is quite clear: If we aim high, we cannot content ourselves with the immediate interests. As it so happens, small gains are everywhere in our daily life. But if we are cannot resist their temptation, n