five如何寫對(duì)比討論類論上網(wǎng)聊天午休上課

2014/11/07作文講評(píng)BasicWriting

小作文審題存在的問題：

1.時(shí)態(tài)錯(cuò)誤最嚴(yán)重（提出議論的話題用一般過去時(shí)lastFriday；擺明觀點(diǎn)并闡述理由用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)）

2.話題錯(cuò)誤:有學(xué)生看成“中學(xué)生是否該上網(wǎng)”

3.人稱混亂

3.5個(gè)要點(diǎn)的整合不當(dāng)，不止5句話1.LastFridaywitnessedadebatewiththetopicthatwhethermiddlestudentsweresupposedtochatonline,whichwasintendedforallthestudents.2.Chattingletsusmakemoreandmorefriendseasilyandbroadenoureyes,whichisbenefittous.3.…causepassiveeffectonstudy.4.Thosestudentswhoagainstedtheideaarguedthatchattingonlinemaydevelopintoabadhabit.5.ItwasonlastFridaythatallstudentsinourclasstookpartinadebate.1.LastFridaywitnessedadebatewiththetopicwhethermiddlestudentsweresupposedtochatonline,whichwasintendedforallthestudents.2.Chattingenablesustomakemoreandmorefriendseasilyandbroadenoureyes,whichisofbenefittous.3.…causenegativeeffectonstudy.4.Thosestudentswhoareagainsttheideaarguedthatchattingonlinemaydevelopintoabadhabit.5.Itwas

lastFridaythatallstudentsinourclasstookpartinadebate.佳句欣賞1.Someofusareinfavorofchattingonline,believingthatitisofgreatbenefittoreducestress.2.Somesupportchattingonline,insistingthatitwillwastetime,moneyaswellasenergy,whichposesagreatthreattotheirstudy.3.Theothersareopposedtotheidea,holdinganideathatnotonlycanitwastetime,moneyandenergy,butalsoitmaymakethemgetaddictedtotheinternet,whichcanbedetrimentaltotheirhealth.LastFridayourwholeclasshadahotdebateabout

whethermiddleschoolstudentsshouldchatonline,towardwhichtheirviewsvaryfrompersontoperson.Someofmyclassmateswhoareinfavorofchattingonlinethinkthatitisathrillingandrelaxingmeansofentertainment,enablingthemtorelievestress,communicatewitheachother,makefriendsandbroadentheirhorizons.Otherswhoareagainstchattingonlinearguethatitnotonlyawasteoftime,money,andenergy,butitwillalsohaveanegativeeffectonstudies.What’sworse,ifaddictedtochattingonline,teenagerswillforgetallabouteatingandsleeping,whichwillbadlyaffecttheirhealth.Mostimportantly,theInternetisonlyanimaginaryworld,soweshouldbecarefulofanystrangersandwarnourselvesagainstInternetfraud.對(duì)比型作文：1.擺出現(xiàn)象，引出話題1）People’sviews/opinions/ideason……varyfrompeopletopeople.2)Differentpeoplehavedifferentviewson…3)Recently,ourclassheldaheateddiscussion

aboutwhether…2.擺出不同的觀點(diǎn)，分析各自的原因1)Somepeoplethinkthat…Theyholdthisopinionbecause…However,othersbelievethat…forthereasonthat…2)Someareinfavorofit.Theyholdtheviewforthereasonthat….What’smore,…Moreover,…However/Onthecontrary,othersareagainstit,holdinganideathat...Besides,…表達(dá)“支持”：1)sbagreewith2)Sbhold/supporttheopinionthat3)Sbbeinfavorofsth4)Sbbeforsth表達(dá)“反對(duì)”：SbdisagreewithSbbeagainststhSbbeopposedtosth/sth歸納總結(jié)①LastFriday,

Wehadadebateconcerningtheissueofwhetherstudentsshouldchatonline.

②Somestudentssupportitbecausetheyholdabeliefthat….

③Moreover,notonly…,butalso…

④However,otherstudentsareagainsttheidea,saying….

⑤Inaddition,theybelieve….①LastFriday,

Wehadadebateconcerningtheissueofwhetherstudentsshouldchatonline.

②Somestudentsareinfavoroftheidea,holdingabeliefthat….

③Moreover,notonly…..,butalso…

④Otherstudents,however,areagainsttheidea,saying….

⑤Inaddition,theybelieve….①LastFriday,

Wehadadebateconcerningtheissueofwhetherstudentsshouldchatonline.

②Somestudentsareinfavoroftheidea,holdingabeliefthat….

③Moreover,notonly…..,butalso…

④Ontheoppositesideofthedebatearesomestudentswhoareconvincedthat…

⑤Inaddition,theybelieve….TaskWritingSummary存在的問題：1.大多數(shù)同學(xué)都能找到要點(diǎn)但時(shí)態(tài)還有錯(cuò)用，亂用的現(xiàn)象2.要點(diǎn)遺漏（主要是第一個(gè)要點(diǎn)）Astudyshowsthatmanypeopledon’ttaketheirlunchbreaksseriously.Peopleareencouragedtorefreshthemselvesoutsidetheofficeandberesponsiblefortheirownhealth.summaryThepassagetalkedabouttheimportanceoflunchbreak.Althoughmanypeopleignorethelunchbreak,itissoimportantthatweshouldattachimportancetolunchbreak,whichishealthy.Soweshouldtakeaproperlunchbreak.末尾從we的角度表達(dá)不當(dāng)2.5Asmanypeoplespendsomuchtimeontheirworkandotherthingsatlunchtimethattheydonottakeaproperlunchbreak,whichhasbadeffectonthem,notonlyhealthbuttheworkefficiency.Thespokeswomansuggestspeoplegetovertheinactivity.toomanywords.

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wordsintotal3Nottakingaproperlunchbreakisunhealthy,whichcanmakepeoplesickandaffecttheworkefficiency.Butmostpeopledon’thaveaproperlunchbreakandkeepinactive,forwhichweshouldencouragepeopletotakearegularlunchbreakandexercisestotakeresponsibilityfortheirownhealth.沒有提到study2.5Accordingtothepassage,astudysaidthatlunchbreakaffectpeople’shealth.Differentpeoplehavedifferentactiveaboutlunchbreak.Morepeoplehaveworselunchbreakwhilefewpeoplehaverightlunchbreak.Thespokeswomanpointattheimportanceoflunchbreakandcallourtodoit.語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤太多Accordingtothepassage,astudysaidthatlunchbreakaffected

people’shealth.Differentpeoplehavedifferentattitudestolunchbreak.Manypeoplehavebad

lunchbreakwhilefewpeoplehaverightlunchbreak.Thespokeswomanpointedouttheimportanceoflunchbreakandcallonustocareabouthealth.修改后3GoodexamplesAstudyshowsthatlackingaproperlunchbreakisunhealthy.However,themajorityofthosewhowereintervieweddidn’thaveaproperlunchbreak.Socompaniesaretoldtoencouragetheirstafftotakeittobehealthy.Anewstudyshowsthattakingaproperbreakisimportantforourhealthbutitalsofoundthatmanypeoplehadnotproperlunchbreakevenfewpeoplewentoutforlunchanddoexercises.Socompaniesaretoldtoencourageallstafftotakeaproperlunchbreakfortheirhealth.Astudyshowsthatalunchbreakisimportantforpeople,butmostofthemdidn’thaveaproperlunchbreak.Andpeopleareencouragedtohavealunchbreakbecauseeveryoneshouldtakeresponsibilityfortheirownhealth.

Thepassageisaboutastudywhichshowsthatitisunhealthynottohaveaproperlunchbreakbuttheyfoundmostintervieweesdon’thaveaproperlunchbreak.Finally,KarenMiddletonsaidtheywouldencouragepeopletoberesponsiblefortheirownhealth.

Recentlyanewstudyshowsusthatit’sunhealthyforpeopletoworkalldaywithouttakingalunchbreak.So,staffareencouragedtohavearegularlunchtimebreak,whichisgoodforworkefficiency.要點(diǎn)把握不準(zhǔn)確，沒有拓展1.簡(jiǎn)述中國(guó)人的午休方式2.你通常在午休時(shí)間做什么3.你認(rèn)為正確的午休方式是怎樣的？請(qǐng)說(shuō)明理由1.簡(jiǎn)述中國(guó)人的午休方式過度借鑒原材料中內(nèi)容InChina,whatpeopledototakealunchbreakatlunchtimevaryfrompersontoperson.Forexample,someeattheirlunchattheirdesk,surfingtheInternet,answeringe-mailsorgoingonFacebook,whileothersleavetheworkplaceforlunchtogetsomefreshair,gotothegymforsomeexercisewhichstrengthenstheirhealthorhaveashortsleep.Afterreadingthispassage,itremindsmeofourChinesewaytohavealunchbreak.Asweallknow,nowadays,someworkersaresobusywiththeirworkthattheydon’tevenhavetimetoeatlunch,lettingalonehavingabreak.ThepeoplewhohavetheopportunitytohavearestchoosetosurftheInternet,answere-mailsorgoonFacebook.Onlyafewofthemwouldliketogoouttogetsomeairorgotothegym.Asamatteroffact,Chinesehaveavarietyofwaysspendinglunchbreak.Asforchildren,theyalwaysspendtheirhappylunchbreakinplayinggameswithpartners.Andasforadults,theyusuallyreadmicro-blog,orchatonlinewiththeirfriendswhilethe

middle-agedlikedrinkingKungfuteatogether.Generallyspeaking,itisoldpeoplethatoftenhaveagoodsleepduringlunchhour.分層論述非常好GoodtransitionalwordsandtopicsentencesSummary與第一要點(diǎn)之間Likethosewhohavebeeninterviewed,mostChineseespeciallyyoungworkersdon’ttakelunchbreak,whiletheoldaremorelikelytohaveaneasylunchbreaksuchassleep.第一要點(diǎn)與二要點(diǎn)之間LikealotofChinese,Iusuallyhavearestatnoon.Differentpeoplehavedifferentwaystospendtheirlunchtime.ThereisnodoubtthatIhavemyownwayforlunchtime.第二要點(diǎn)與第三要點(diǎn)之間Herecomesomeofmysuggestionsofgettingaproperlunchbreak.GoodendingTobebrief,onnoaccountcanweignoreourlunchbreakforitcanrelaxourbrainsandbegoodforourhealth.Afterall,itisaproperlunchbreakthatmakesusalwaysrefreshed.Inshort,itisalunchbreakthatmakesusahealthylife.Onnoaccountcanwegoonworkingduringlunchtime.Inaword,it’saproperlunchbreakthatco