周考作文講解

Christina應用文講解10.18周考DearSir,IhavejustfinishedtravelinginDunhuangMogaoGrottoes.Thescenerythereisreallybeautiful,butitissufferingfromdamagesduetonaturalforcessuchasfrequentsandstorms.What’sworse,sometouristsevencarvetheirnamesonthewalls,makingmeheartbroken.Istronglyfeelitsignificanttoprotectculturalheritage.Foronething,culturalheritage,whichisthewitnesstothehistoricaldevelopment,isanimportantbasisforhistoricalresearch.Foranother,itislikelytoprovideasourceoftourismincome,ifmaintainedwell.SoIhopetheauthoritiescantakemeasurestoprotectDunhuangMogaoGrottoes,suchasraisingpeople’sawarenessbyhandingoutleafletsonpreservingculturalheritage.Besides,strictregulationsshouldbemadetofinespoilers.Plantingmoretreesisalsoagoodwaytopreventsandstorms.Iwouldappreciateitifmysuggestionswereaccepted.Sincerely,LiHua主要的問題1.前面問題描述花太多篇幅，二三兩個要點篇幅不夠，一句話帶過。2.解決方案不夠具體，比如寫“我的建議是政府要采取措施阻止刻畫和防治風沙”3.表達上的不足：損害亂寫（hurt.injure），加強意識（strengthen

awareness/sense）

“建議”句型When

it

comes

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for...,

the

following

are

my

suggestions/

my

suggestions

are

as

follows.Iwould

like

to

suggest

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advise

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recommend

you

should

do

..Itishighlyrecommendedthat….shoulddo

Itis

also

a

great

idea/also

helps

to

do....which

can..I

will

be

delighted

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if

you

will

take

my

suggestions

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advice

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consideration/account.Iwouldappreciateitifyoucouldadoptmyproposal.I

hope

that

my

suggestions

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recommendations

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advice

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be

beneficial

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of

benefit

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hope

you

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find

my

suggestions

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advice

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advice

recommendations

helpful

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useful

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beneficial.

ASilentVoice讀后續(xù)寫講解01內(nèi)容簡介無聲的表達是以第一人稱的角度敘述述“我”和Willard之間的故事。Willard似乎排斥周圍的一切，我的嘗試都遭受了冷漠的回擊，雙方都無意打破這種安靜。在我的一次圣誕募捐活動發(fā)起后，只有Willard第一個捐出自己用來喝牛奶的50美分，不僅說明用意，而且露出了難得的微笑。和校長交流后，我隱約明白了Willard封閉自己的原因，下定決心真正走進Willard安靜的世界，再次嘗試打破Willard的極度安靜，與周圍建立溫暖友好的聯(lián)系。Willard的沉默、家境貧困和他善良的內(nèi)心成為我再次嘗試的重要原因。ClimaxBeginningClosingDeveloping故事開端情節(jié)：

Willard是個獨行俠，似乎排斥周圍的一切，作為教師的我的嘗試都遭受了冷漠的回擊，雙方都無意打破這種安靜。情感：冷漠vs無奈情節(jié)推進情節(jié)：在我發(fā)起的一次圣誕募捐活動后，第二天只有Willard記得并第一個捐出自己用來喝牛奶的50美分，盡管含糊說出原因，但他露出了難得的微笑。這讓我對Willard有了新的認識，迫不及待地想和校長交流。情感：愉悅vs驚奇故事高潮情節(jié)：和校長交流后，了解到Willard家境貧寒，我隱約明白了Willard封閉自己的原因，我對Willard保持與世隔絕的安靜是有誤解的，因此下定決心真正走進Willard安靜的世界，并再次嘗試打破Willard的極度安靜，與周圍建立溫暖友好的聯(lián)系。情感：后悔，觸動Time/Place(school)CharactersBehaviorsEmotionsEffectsFromthefirstdayI:AttemptedtobuildafriendlyatmosphereFrustrated/failed/hopelessNoneedtobreakhissilenceWillard:existedinhisownworld,shuttingoutothers(aloner)

indifferentNodesiretobreakhissilenceShortyafterthethanksgivingI:calledforcontributionsNottakeWintoconsiderationW:keptitinmindHavedesiretohelpothersThenextdayW:Dugdeep…;walkedslowly…;o…Delighted(hesmiled)ThatnightI:SharedthestorySurprised/regretful/movedPrincipal:AskedmetoreadthelistThebeginningThemiddleAclimax/aturningpointIdecidedtodosomethingforhim.Purpose:buildafriendlyrelationshipbetweenWillardandothers.Reason:Willard’sdeepsilence,extremepoornessandhiskindnessHowtobreakhissilence?GetclosetoWillard’sworld02段首語分析Paragraph

1:OnthatSunday,IpaidavisittoWillard’sfamily.Paragraph

2:Thenextday,IhadaspecialclassforWillard.Whatwasthefamilylike?HowdidWillardreacttomyvisit?Whatwasmyresponse?HowtomotivatethewholeclasstobreakWillard’ssilence?Whatwastheresultoftheclassactivity？Howdidwefeel?Shy/silent/awkward/hesitant/sensitiveDelighted/moved03規(guī)劃續(xù)寫邏輯

第一段走進小男孩的真實世界

分析段落所需內(nèi)容為“我”和Willard之間的互動，重點在于描寫Willard家庭情況的困苦對比他所流露出的善良。困苦家境描寫的不同角度：家庭成員、生活條件（吃穿?。Ｍㄟ^“我”的角度用細節(jié)描述Willard的家境和他的情緒流露。第二段成功帶領(lǐng)Willard走出自己安靜孤獨的世界本段中新增次要角色“同學們”，需要構(gòu)建“I”、Willard和classmates三者之間的行為互動和情感互動。三個角色最后都是指向和諧美好暖心的結(jié)尾。因此從老師的角度看，作為老師的“I”所給的a

special

class需要寫合理設(shè)計專門為Willard舉行的班級活動，比如為他的捐贈頒獎、和學生分享Willard的故事呼吁全班為他做一件事或者邀請校長參加班會鼓勵Willard。勾畫暖人大結(jié)局，以三個角色的角度來構(gòu)建結(jié)尾：Willard對老師的感激、Willard被同學們感動、老師和Willard之間的互動以及Willard最終露出由衷的微笑或者和同學們快樂的走在一起等等。問題：1.第一段未提Willard家境貧困，直接家訪安慰。2.第一段寫據(jù)家人描述Willard在家很外向，勤快，與在學校形成對比，未點明孩子沉默的真正原因。3.第一段直接家訪對Willard進行說教，且語言很直接，就改變了孩子。4.第二段specialclass理解為師生對話、教師一人大段說教或說反話刺激孩子，沒有同學們的參與。

5.過去式錯誤（hear,stand,know,teach）。6.時間倉促未寫完或潦草完成，構(gòu)思不夠周全。Onepossibleversion：Paragraph1：OnthatSunday,IpaidavisittoWillard’sfamily.Onenteringhishouse,Iwassurprisedtofindabarelyemptyroomwithonlyabrokenbedandadirtysecondhandsofa.Willardtoldmethathismotherpassedawayafewyearsagoandthathisfatherleftwithoutanymessage,leavinghimtolivewithasickgrandma.Whenaskedwhyhehadgiventhetwoquarters,Willardmumbled,“Therearepeoplepoorerthanme,soIjustwanttodosomehelpbycontributingmymilkmoney.”Hearinghiswords,Icouldn’thelpburstingintotears.IthoughtIshouldtrymybesttobreakhissilence.Paragraph2：Thenextday,IhadaspecialclassforWillard.Isharedhisstorywiththewholeclassandsaid“Now,onbehalfofthepeopleinneed,IshouldsaythankyouWillard.Youaresogreat!Yoursmallactofkindnessmakesarealdifferencetous.”Afterasilence,allthestudentsstoodupwithapplauseeruptingthroughthewh