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2022年6月浙江卷讀后續(xù)寫真題分析一、真題再現(xiàn)Ineedtodosomethinginmycommunity(社區(qū))inordertocompletethecommunityservicehoursrequiredtograduatefromhighschool.Someofmyfriendshadsigneduptospendtimeatasoupkitchen,soIdid,too.Itseemedlikeagoodthingtodo.Ithoughtthatwewouldjustbepassingourdinnerstothoseinneed,butIfoundoutwewouldbedoingeverythingfrompreparingtoservingthedinner.Webeganpreparingthefood,frommixingsaladdressingtoseparatingfrozenmeat.Muchstillneededtobedonebeforedinnerwasserved,butalreadyoutsidethebuildingmanyhomelesspeopleweregathering.Itwasn’tuntilacoupleofhourslaterthatweopenedthedoorsandbeganservingdinner.Asthelineofpeoplecametowardme,Igotalittlescared.I’dcomefacetofacewiththehomeless:HowshouldIact?Howwouldtheytreatme?Wouldtheyhatemeforhavingmorethantheydid?Whilesomeofthepeoplelookedveryfriendly,someofthemlookedsodangerous,Ididn’thavetoomuchtimetoworryaboutit.Iwasassignedtoservethesaladwiththeladynexttome.ShesmiledatmeandsaidifIneededhelp,she’dberightthere,whichIfoundquitecomforting.Ihadneverseensomanypeoplewantingfood.Theywereofallagesandnationalities.Mostofthemworeclothesthatweretornanddirty.Somelookedliketheyhadtotallygivenuponlife,whileothersseemedtobemakingthebestofthesituation,smilingandjoking.Somewerebetteroffthanothers,buttheyallneededagoodmealandawarmplacetoeat.Itsaddenedmetothinkofhowmanypeopletherewerewhodidn’thaveaplacetocallhomeandtheonlyfoodtheygotcamefromasoupkitchen.注意:1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。2.請按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。Para1:Astheycameinmydirection,Iputonmybrightestandhappiestsmile.Para2:IwassohappythatIhadearnedmyservicehoursinthisway.二、真題解析1.情節(jié)梳理開端:為了完成高中畢業(yè)所需的社區(qū)服務(wù)時(shí)長,“我”跟隨朋友報(bào)名去救濟(jì)站做服務(wù),原以為只是分發(fā)晚餐,結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)從準(zhǔn)備食物到上菜等各環(huán)節(jié)都要參與,在開飯前就看到很多無家可歸的人在外面聚集。發(fā)展:當(dāng)人們排著隊(duì)朝“我”走來時(shí),“我”內(nèi)心有些害怕,產(chǎn)生了諸多顧慮,比如擔(dān)心自己該如何表現(xiàn)、對(duì)方會(huì)怎樣對(duì)待自己等,但身旁的女士給予“我”微笑并表示會(huì)提供幫助,讓“我”稍感安慰。同時(shí),“我”觀察到這些等待食物的人們有著不同的狀態(tài),有看起來友好的,也有看似危險(xiǎn)的,且來自不同年齡、國籍,穿著破舊,生活狀況各異。續(xù)寫提示點(diǎn):故事在此處戛然而止,留下了懸念,需要通過續(xù)寫進(jìn)一步展現(xiàn)“我”與這些前來領(lǐng)食物的人們的互動(dòng)以及“我”這次服務(wù)經(jīng)歷后的感受,完成整個(gè)故事線,體現(xiàn)出這次社區(qū)服務(wù)給“我”帶來的影響和感悟。2.續(xù)寫思路針對(duì)第一段開頭“Astheycameinmydirection,Iputonmybrightestandhappiestsmile.”:要續(xù)寫“我”以這樣積極的狀態(tài)面對(duì)他們之后發(fā)生的事,比如“我”如何熱情地為他們服務(wù),與他們交流互動(dòng)的具體場景,對(duì)方的回應(yīng)如何,著重體現(xiàn)出“我”克服內(nèi)心恐懼后所營造出的友好氛圍以及雙方在這個(gè)過程中的情感交流,推動(dòng)情節(jié)朝著積極溫暖的方向發(fā)展。針對(duì)第二段開頭“IwassohappythatIhadearnedmyservicehoursinthisway.”:則需詳細(xì)描述“我”感到開心的具體原因,可能是通過這次服務(wù)收獲了不一樣的體驗(yàn)、對(duì)這些無家可歸者有了新的認(rèn)識(shí)、自身得到了成長等,通過闡述這些內(nèi)容來升華主題,突出這次社區(qū)服務(wù)的價(jià)值以及帶給“我”在情感、認(rèn)知等方面的積極影響。三、滿分范文Paragraph1:Astheycameinmydirection,Iputonmybrightestandhappiestsmile.Igreetedeachonewithawarm"Hello"andaskedthemwhatkindofsaladtheywouldlike.Tomysurprise,theyrespondedjustaskindly.Theythankedmewithgenuinesmilesontheirfaces,andsomeevenstartedbriefconversationswithme.Ifoundthatbehindtheirtoughappearanceswerejustordinarypeoplelongingforcareandkindness.AsIservedthem,theinitialfearinmyheartgraduallydisappeared,replacedbyasenseoffulfillment.Paragraph2:IwassohappythatIhadearnedmyservicehoursinthisway.NotonlydidIhelpthoseinneed,butIalsolearnedthatweshouldneverjudgepeoplebytheirlooksorlivingconditions.Throughthissimpleactofservingfood,Igottoknowthestorieshiddenbehindthesehomelesspeopleandrealizedhowpreciousawarmmealandafriendlywordcouldbeforthem.Thisexperiencewillsurelystaywithmeandmakememorewillingtoofferhelpinthefuture.四、范文表達(dá)及特定語境下的仿寫1.“Igreetedeachonewithawarm'Hello'andaskedthemwhatkindofsaladtheywouldlike.Tomysurprise,theyrespondedjustaskindly.”分析:該句通過具體描寫“我”主動(dòng)熱情的交流行為以及對(duì)方積極友善的回應(yīng),生動(dòng)展現(xiàn)出互動(dòng)場景,打破了“我”起初對(duì)他們的擔(dān)憂和刻板印象,讓故事充滿溫情,推動(dòng)情節(jié)向積極方向發(fā)展。仿寫語境:假設(shè)你參加學(xué)校組織的關(guān)愛留守兒童活動(dòng),初次與他們見面交流時(shí)的場景。仿寫句子:Iwalkeduptoeachofthemwithafriendlysmileandaskedthemwhatkindofgametheywantedtoplay.Tomydelight,theyrepliedjustasenthusiastically.Theylookedatmewithbrighteyesandsomeeventookmyhandeagerly,readytostartthefuntogether.2.“Ifoundthatbehindtheirtoughappearanceswerejustordinarypeoplelongingforcareandkindness.”分析:此句是“我”在與這些無家可歸者接觸后的內(nèi)心感悟,深刻揭示出不能僅憑外表去評(píng)判他人這一主題,體現(xiàn)出“我”在認(rèn)知上的轉(zhuǎn)變,使文章有了一定的深度,升華了服務(wù)經(jīng)歷的意義。仿寫語境:你去養(yǎng)老院看望老人,一開始覺得有些老人沉默寡言不好相處,但在相處后有了新認(rèn)識(shí)時(shí)的感悟。仿寫句子:Irealizedthatbeneaththeirquietandreservedexteriorswerejustkind-heartedelderslongingforcompanyandlove.Theyjustneededsomeonetolistenandsharewiththem,andasIspentmoretimechattingwiththem,Isawtheirtruegentlenatures.3.“NotonlydidIhelpthoseinneed,butIalsolearnedthatweshouldneverjudgepeoplebytheirlooksorlivingconditions.”分析:運(yùn)用了“notonly...butalso...”的結(jié)構(gòu),先是點(diǎn)明自己幫助他人這一實(shí)際行動(dòng),進(jìn)而強(qiáng)調(diào)更重要的是獲得的認(rèn)知收獲,清晰且有條理地闡述了這次經(jīng)歷的雙重意義,突出主題,起到很好的總結(jié)升華作用。仿寫語境:你參加社區(qū)組織的環(huán)保公益活動(dòng),清理街邊垃圾后對(duì)這次活動(dòng)意義的總結(jié)。仿寫句子:Notonlydidwemakethestreetcleanerandmorebeautiful,butwealsounderstoodthateverysmallactionwetakefortheenvironmentmatters.Weshouldalwaysbeawareofo

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