【讀后續(xù)寫】2021年11月高三9加1聯(lián)盟期中讀后續(xù)寫講評：Egg Drop Soup 名師教學設計-宋浩穎、李曉燕

年11月高三9+1聯(lián)盟讀后續(xù)寫EggDropSoup教學設計作者：浙江省慈溪中學宋浩穎李曉燕本文屬于“人與社會”主題-“社會服務與人際溝通”主題語境下的“良好的人際關系與社會交往”。同時也反映了作者生活與學習，做人與做事的情況。本文趣味性強，語言活潑生動，與2021年1月的高考續(xù)寫作文“頭被卡在南瓜里”的風格比較相似。本課件針對續(xù)寫給出的文本，引導學生進行精讀，并指出合理的續(xù)寫情節(jié)和統(tǒng)一的語言風格建立在精準閱讀理解原文的基礎上。首先指導學生分析故事的要素，為合理創(chuàng)設續(xù)寫情節(jié)鋪路。語言方面，結合情節(jié)推斷部分的分析分別從

“比賽”和“緊張感”兩方面給出了從動作到情感的相關素材，供同學們參考使用，并進行有意識地積累。

希望通過本次作文講評，學生能進一步熟悉故事的各要素，能基于主題和段首句合理推斷情節(jié)，能加強素材分類積累意識并進行模仿和遷移，提高語言綜合運用能力。本節(jié)課主要分為四個環(huán)節(jié)：1）語篇解讀：深入解讀語篇，分析故事背景及人物性格，為續(xù)寫做好鋪墊。2）情節(jié)預測：通過關鍵詞和給出的首句預測故事發(fā)展，合理設置情節(jié)。3）話題語言積累：學習比賽相關語言表達，賞析積累語料。4）范文及高分作文欣賞：賞析范文和高分作文，品味語言的運用和情節(jié)的構思。教學步驟：1）深入解讀語篇，Activity1:readthetextandfindoutthebasicinformationofthestory.找出故事基本信息(who,when,where,what)Activity2:analyzethedifferentstagesofthestory.分析故事不同發(fā)展階段，使學生了解故事走向，為續(xù)寫文本情節(jié)設置做好鋪墊。Activity3:analyzethetraitsofthemaincharacters.引導學生通過動作、語言等分析主要角色的性格特質(zhì)，為續(xù)寫文本的人物描寫做好鋪墊Activity4:analyzehowthemaincharactersfeelindifferentstages.分析主要角色在不同故事發(fā)展階段的情感變化，為續(xù)寫段落中兩人的情感做好鋪墊。Activity5:appreciatethelanguageofthetext.本篇續(xù)寫文本基本保留了原文文本，語言生動活潑，非常地道，學生可以從原文中學習如何使用動詞使文字更加生動，以及如何使用明喻的修辭手法使語言更加豐富。引導學生關注原文修辭和語言，啟發(fā)學生盡可能做到文氣連貫。Activity6:analyzethethemeofthestory.引導學生建立主題意識，關注原文文本給出的線索與伏筆，確立本篇故事主題為友誼。2）情節(jié)預測 Activity1:dividethekeywordsintodifferentgroups 引導學生進行關鍵詞分類，并通過關鍵詞預測故事走向，確定故事主題。 Activity2:readthebeginningsentencesofthe2paragraphsandthinkaboutquestionstoask. 仔細閱讀給出的兩個首句，引導學生針對給出的句子提問，思考每段的主要情節(jié)設置和寫作內(nèi)容。3）話題語言積累 Activity1:howtodescribeagame? Activity2:howtodescribenervousness? 本篇續(xù)寫主要涉及話題為比賽，此處呈現(xiàn)比賽相關的描寫（比賽開始，競爭激烈，觀眾反應等），并結合eggdropchallenge比賽呈現(xiàn)參賽者出現(xiàn)的緊張情緒表達。4）范文及高分作文賞析Activity1:readandappreciatedifferentversions.呈現(xiàn)范文以及多篇高分作文，引導學生分析文本的結構與語言表達，啟發(fā)學生思維。原文本“OK,everybody.It'sthattimeofyear,”saidmyscienceteacher,Mr.Beal.“ThisFridaywe'llhavetheannualEggDropChallenge.”Acoupleofmyclassmatesgroaned,butnoonewasatallsurprised.Mr.Beal'sfifth-gradeEggDropChallengewasaninstitutionatmyschool.ThegoaloftheChallengewassimple-youhadtobuildaprotectivecontainertokeepaneggfrombreakingwhendroppedoverthestadiumwall.“BringyourcontainerstoclassonFriday,”Mr.Bealsaid.“Bytheway,thisyearwe'regoingtotrysomethingdifferent.Youcanworkaloneorwithapartner.”Mybestfriend,Cassie,andIgrinnedateachother.Wealwaysworkedonprojectstogether.She'sbrainy;I'mcreative.We'retheperfectcombination,likepeanutbutterandmarshmallowcream.(Whichhappenstobemyfavoritekindofsandwich.)ImademyfavoritesandwichthatafternoonwhilewaitingforCassietocomeoverandworkonthecontainer.Spreadingthefluffymarshmallowcreamgavemeanidea.“Ihaveabrilliantdesignforoureggcontainer!”IsaidwhenCassiearrived.“What?”Cassieaskedeagerly.“Wecancushionitwithsomemarshmallowcream.”“Huh?”“Youknow,toabsorbtheshockoftheimpact,”Iexplained.“You'vegottobekidding,Laura.”“Youhaveabetteridea?”Cassiepointedtoasketchinhernotebook.“Actually,Ido.Weputtheegginabasketwithparachuteattached.Itwillsimplyfloattosafety.”“It'stooeasyforsomethingtogowrong.Itwillneverwork!”Isaid.“Andmarshmallowcreamwill?”Cassierolledhereyes.“Theparachuteisbetterthanthatstupididea.”Icouldn'tbelieveit.Ofcoursewe’dhadourlittlefightsinthepast,butthiswasdifferent.She'dnevercalledanyofmyideas“stupid”before.“Oh,yeah?”Isaid.“Yeah!”“ThenI'llbuildmineandyoubuildyours,andwe'lljustseewhoseisbetter.”“Fine!”Cassieshovedhernotebookintoherbackpackandstormedout.Andjustlikethat,ourfriendshipwassmashed.Likeaneggdroppedfromthetopofastadiumwithoutmarshmallowcreamtoprotectit.WhenFridayfinallyrolledaround,IhadtoadmitthatCassie'sEggForceOnelookedprettygood.Shehadusedahandkerchieftocreateasmallparachute.ItwastiedtoabasketthatheldStyrofoampackingpeanutsand,inthecenterofitall,heregg.MyEgg-cellentEggCreamdidn'tlookquitesoscientific.Ihadlinedthesidesandbottomofasmallboxwithricecakes.ThenI’daddedalayerofmarshmallowcream,theegg,andalayerofJell-O.Thisishowthecompetitionworked:Allthestudentsinmyclasscarriedtheireggcontainersupthreestadiumstepsanddroppedthemoverthesidewall.Ifyoureggbroke,youwereout.Iftheeggsurvived,youhadtowalkupthreemorestepsanddropitagain.Thiswentonuntilthelasteggbroke.Bythefourthlaunch,onlyCassieandIwereleft.“OK,”Mr.Bealyelled.“Let’emgoonthecountofthree.”“Goodluck,Laura,”Cassiesaid,turningtome.“You'regoingtoneedit.”Ididn'trespond.Ifiguredwinningwouldbesweeterrevenge.Theclasscalled,“One,two,three!”Iletgoofmybox.“Ew,”Iheardsomeonesayafteraminute.Hadmyeggbroken?Iraceddownthesteps,tryingtogettothebottombeforeCassiedid.Thesidewalkwasalreadydottedwitheggshellsfrompreviousfaileddrops.IfinallyfoundmybravelittleEgg-cellentEggCream.Ididn'tevenhavetoopentheboxtoseetheresults.YolkandeggwhitemixedwithyellowJell-Oseepedfromthecorner.“Thatlookslikeeggdropsoup,Laura,”Cassiesaid.ShewasholdingherEggForceOne.Myheartraced.Hadshewon?Ilookedatherbasket.Empty.“Myeggbouncedout,”sheexplained,pointingtoabrokenshellinthegrass.“Iguessthepilothadanegg-jectorseat,”Ioffered.Cassielookedatme,andherglaresoftened.Icouldseeitinthecornersofhereyes.Shewastryingnottosmile.Igrinned.Shegiggled.“Egg-jectorseat,”shesaid.“Eggdropsoup,”Isa