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1、讀后續(xù)寫浙江省黃巖中學(xué)1讀后續(xù)寫浙江省黃巖中學(xué)1經(jīng)典續(xù)寫案例紅樓夢曹雪芹高 鶚爭論點(diǎn):契合度高低文學(xué)家:情節(jié)發(fā)展是否和原八十回一致語言學(xué)家:用詞用句是否和原八十回一致融洽度2經(jīng)典續(xù)寫案例紅樓夢曹雪芹高 鶚爭論點(diǎn):契合度高低文學(xué)家:原敘事文本 續(xù)寫高效度結(jié)尾讀猜3原敘事文本 續(xù)寫高效度結(jié)尾讀猜3兩個要弄明白的問題:原文有什么用?續(xù)寫要寫什么?原文理解續(xù)寫文模仿素材4兩個要弄明白的問題:原文有什么用?續(xù)寫要寫什么?原文理解續(xù)寫素材情節(jié)基調(diào)核心矛盾故事框架語言設(shè)定潛伏信息5素材情節(jié)基調(diào)核心矛盾故事框架語言設(shè)定潛伏信息5樣題情節(jié)和語言特點(diǎn)分析情節(jié)基調(diào)的鋪設(shè):“向心性”核心矛盾的預(yù)設(shè):“發(fā)散性”故事框架
2、的搭建:“順延性”隱含語言的定位:“一致性”6樣題情節(jié)和語言特點(diǎn)分析情節(jié)基調(diào)的鋪設(shè):“向心性”6情節(jié)基調(diào)“A funny thing happened to Arthur when he was on the way to work one day”。funny:“趣”A funny thingcause amusement, laughter, etc. (有趣的,可笑的)向心性7情節(jié)基調(diào)“A funny thing happened toMoneyorOther things核心矛盾“情節(jié)核”the young man oranother manThiefNot thief矛盾身份 矛盾中
3、心 關(guān)鍵人物發(fā)散性8核心矛盾“情節(jié)核”the young man ThiefNo箱子里所屬人Young man身份可能情節(jié)發(fā)展1Money the young manthief碰巧抓住搶劫犯(即結(jié)尾1)2not thief碰巧把剛從銀行取錢趕路的人當(dāng)劫犯,最后到警局傳來抓到劫犯消息3another manthief碰巧碰到一個剛偷了其他人錢的小偷,最后到警局傳來抓到劫犯并找回銀行失錢的消息,最后在Arthur幫助下抓到另一個小偷4not thief路遇一個路人幫人搬運(yùn)裝滿錢的行李箱,而Arthur錯把路人當(dāng)劫犯,最后澄清消除誤會5Other thingsthe young manthief錯把
4、普通小偷當(dāng)劫犯,最后幫助抓到該小偷6not thief錯把路人當(dāng)劫犯(即結(jié)尾2)7another manthief碰巧碰到一個剛偷了其他人東西的小偷,最后到警局傳來抓到劫犯并找回銀行失錢的消息,最后在Arthur幫助下抓到另一個小偷8not thief路遇一個路人幫人搬運(yùn)普通行李箱,而Arthur錯把路人當(dāng)劫犯,最后澄清消除誤會9箱子里所屬人Young man身份可能情節(jié)發(fā)展1Money故事發(fā)展時間:on Arthurs way home地點(diǎn):along the Park Avenue near the First national Bank背景:a long loud noise of an
5、 alarm from the bank a young man ArthurRun afterStop, stop!?To the PS順延性10故事發(fā)展時間:on Arthurs way home a 故事框架Paragraph 1:As he was running, Arthur heard the young man shouting behind, “Stop, stop!”_Paragraph 2:The taxi stopped in front of the Police Station and Arthur._順延故事發(fā)展創(chuàng)意故事結(jié)尾順延 逆轉(zhuǎn)11故事框架Paragraph
6、 1:順延故事發(fā)展創(chuàng)意故事結(jié)尾順延語言定位記敘類故事文文體敘事文本敘事人稱敘事時態(tài)敘事方式第一、二、三人稱旁白/對白口語/書面語選詞用詞句式選擇一致性12語言定位記敘類故事文文體敘事人稱敘事方式第一、二、三人稱旁白語言定位記敘類故事文敘事人稱:比如,he, she, it, A funny thing, the young man, Park Avenue, Arthur等敘事時態(tài): 用過去式或者與過去式相關(guān)的時態(tài)(直接引語除外)比如 was on the way, walked, was surprised, started to run等敘事方式:No trouble at all, wh
7、at happenedGo to the police station, Stop stop, Help help?!暗谌恕钡纳矸葜v述(第三人稱作為主語)(直接引語除外)轉(zhuǎn)述過去某個時刻所發(fā)生的事旁白+對白(間接引語+直接引語)主次分明13語言定位記敘類故事文敘事人稱:敘事時態(tài):敘事方式:“第三人”語言定位記敘類故事文敘事文本定位:一組數(shù)據(jù):結(jié)尾1(153)adv or prep (behind, suddenly, until, obviously, already, later), verb (might, realize, continue, jump, race like the w
8、ind, learn, open, expected, describe, caught), noun or noun phrase (a large sum of money, information) 結(jié)尾2(158)behind, directly outside behave, realize, drive, follow, describe, voice, innocent, embarrassed, faster語言平實(shí)易懂的小故事小詞、常用詞以及常見短語12個新詞(組)18個新詞(組)funnyamusing,intriguing,divertingVS.14語言定位記敘類故事文
9、敘事文本定位:語言平實(shí)易懂的小故事小詞、語言定位記敘類故事文句式選用:行為動作: “主語+謂語動詞+賓語” 材料 Everyone had a different answer 結(jié)尾 The police caught the robber事物狀態(tài):“主語+系動詞+表語” 材料 Arthur was surprised, Park Avenue had been quiet a moment before 結(jié)尾 The man shouting behind is the bank thief, The man was innocent“清楚明晰地講故事”強(qiáng)調(diào)故事人物的行為和思想變化15語言定
10、位記敘類故事文句式選用:“清楚明晰地講故事”強(qiáng)調(diào)故事人語言定位記敘類故事文句式選用:一組數(shù)據(jù):材料:12個含and的并列句式,結(jié)尾1(153字): 6個并列句式;結(jié)尾2(158字):7個并列句式主從復(fù)合句(以時間狀語從句為主)材料:when he was on the way to, As he walked along, After placing it on the , Just as Arthur picked up結(jié)尾:As he was running, The moment he go to, Just as Arthur was describing 時間提示詞如at the m
11、oment, then, later等。主從復(fù)合句少,并列復(fù)合句多故事一環(huán)承接一環(huán)的時間發(fā)展和動作的延續(xù)16語言定位記敘類故事文句式選用:主從復(fù)合句少,并列復(fù)合句多故事讀后續(xù)寫策略情節(jié)基調(diào)核心矛盾框架完整順延逆轉(zhuǎn)語言文體遣詞用句情節(jié)走向合情合理的創(chuàng)意不著痕跡情節(jié)內(nèi)容框架結(jié)構(gòu)語篇段落17讀后續(xù)寫策略情節(jié)基調(diào)核心矛盾框架完整順延逆轉(zhuǎn)語言文體遣詞用句1、挖掘情節(jié)基調(diào),廓清核心矛盾,創(chuàng)造合情合理的創(chuàng)意故事外延。2、理清敘事角度,把握順延逆轉(zhuǎn),構(gòu)建張弛有度的完整情節(jié)框架。3、定位語言文體,模仿遣詞用句,續(xù)寫不著痕跡的語用敘事文本。讀后續(xù)寫策略181、挖掘情節(jié)基調(diào),廓清核心矛盾,創(chuàng)造合情合理的創(chuàng)意故事外延
12、?!白x后續(xù)寫”與閱讀課的契合單元課文內(nèi)容M1U3Travel Journal Journey down the MekongM2U4Wildlife Protection How Daisy Learned to Help WildlifeM3U2Healthy Eating Come and Eat HereM3U5Canada “The True North” A Trip on the “True North”M4U4Body Language Communication, No Problem?M5U3Life in the Future First ImpressionsM5U4Ma
13、king the News My First Work Assignment “Unforgettable”, Says New JournalistM7U2Robot Satisfaction Guaranteed虛擬故事19“讀后續(xù)寫”與閱讀課的契合單元課文內(nèi)容M1U3Travel “讀后續(xù)寫”與閱讀課的契合1. M3U2 Come and eat here2.M7U2 Satisfaction Guaranteed思維+語言虛構(gòu)+趣味20“讀后續(xù)寫”與閱讀課的契合1. M3U2 Come an“讀后續(xù)寫”與閱讀課的契合Come and eat hereWP + his empty res
14、taurantVisit to YHs + got the problemDo researchNew sign and discountCompetition was onWhat if with no research or no findings?What if WP just copy YHs idea?一個可能需要增加的閱讀環(huán)節(jié) 信息梳理Friendly cooperationHostile competitionPeaceful coexistence+ 思辨發(fā)散21“讀后續(xù)寫”與閱讀課的契合Come and eat herealarmed, disturbing, trust “
15、讀后續(xù)寫”與閱讀課的契合Satisfaction Guaranteed信息整理+ 思辨發(fā)散ClaireTonyGladysaccompanied, protected, helpenvyA sense of failureWhen compared withCurtains opened +A partyChange her opinionA sweet victoryA sense of lossWhat if?Curtains closedStill victory?Loss?Tonys Report?22alarmed, disturbing, trust “讀后兩篇文本(節(jié)選)Wang
16、 Peng sat in his empty restaurant feeling very frustrated. It had been a very strange morning. Usually he got up early and prepared his menu of barbecued mutton kebabs, roast pork, stir-flied vegetables and fried rice. Then by lunchtime they would all be sold. By now his restaurant ought to be full
17、of people. But not today! Why was that? What could have happened? Claire didnt want the robot in her house, especially as her husband would be absent for three weeks, but Larry persuade her or allow her to be harmed. It would be a bonus. However, when she first saw the robot, she felt alarmed. His n
18、ame was Tony and he seemed more like a human than a machine. He was tall and handsome with smooth hair and a deep voice although his facial expression never changed.23兩篇文本(節(jié)選)Wang Peng sat in his e兩個語篇的文本比較:Satisfaction GuaranteedCome and eat here旁白+對白(旁白為主)書面語+口語簡單句式,小詞常規(guī)詞行為變化全旁白的形式全書面語形式復(fù)合句式,較高級詞匯
19、情緒(心理)表達(dá)敘事人稱:第三人稱;敘事時態(tài): 過去式敘事順序:以時間發(fā)展結(jié)尾方式:出人意料24兩個語篇的文本比較:Satisfaction GuarantSatisfaction GuaranteedCome and eat hereA week later, Wang Pengs restaurant was again quite full and he felt happier. He smiled as he welcome the customers warmly at the door but the smile left his face when he saw Yong Hu
20、i walking in. She didnt look happy but glare at him. “May I ask what you were doing in my restaurant the other day? I thought you were just a new customer and now I know that you only came to spy on me and my menu.” she shouted. The night of the party arrive. The clock struck eight. The guests would
21、 be arriving soon and Claire told Tony to go into another room. At that moment, Tony folded his arms around her, bending his face close to her and inspiring her with confidence. Then the front door bell rang. Tony freed her and disappeared from sight. Until then did Claire get self-prepared and dare
22、 to face the surrounding of the guests. The women, along with a new but seemingly quite elegant face, were impressed by Claire, the house and the delicious cuisine.25Satisfaction GuaranteedCome an一個困惑的問題?高考評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)重融洽度的同時,會多么關(guān)注語言的文采?26一個困惑的問題?高考評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)重融洽度的同時,26Thanks!Enjoy our job, Enjoy our life!27Thanks
23、!Enjoy our job, Enjoy讀后續(xù)寫28讀后續(xù)寫28一、讀(how to read)1. 淺層信息理解 when:_;where:_;who :_ ; what:_;ChristmasLiving roomMom & “I” About presents2. 深層信息理解(1)故事主要發(fā)展情節(jié)(2) 文章風(fēng)格人稱:_; 時態(tài):_;何種細(xì)節(jié)描寫為主:心理 ;動作 ;語言 ;表情 ;環(huán)境;外貌 (3) 寫作主題: _;Behaviors(行為)Feelings (情感)Para 1Para 2Para 3Para 4&5check; read; feel; guess; examin
24、e; tellexcitedlook over; scatter; sigh; warn; pile up; spill out disappointedwait; rush into; fly; attempt to; open; losteagerlyhand; look at; spent; examine;recognize; writeconfused第一和第三人稱過去式About Moms love;Giving is better than receiving29一、讀(how to read)1. 淺層信息理解Chris二、由讀到寫(how to design)1. Class
25、ify 10 key words into different groups(所給提示關(guān)鍵詞分類) Characters(人物):_ ; Behaviors(行為):_; Feelings(情感):_; Others:_;girl; Mom giving; open; hand eagerly; disappointed present; Christmas; family2. Predict the development of the story(故事情節(jié)預(yù)測)Last paragraphs: But it had not been mine. It was my moms. A new
26、label had been put on it, with my name written in my mothers handwriting. “Mom, I cant”Paragraph 1: I was stopped by mothers eager, joyful look._.Paragraph 2: I have always remembered that Christmas fondly._.續(xù)寫故事情節(jié)展開編輯模板第一回合第二回合第三回合人物 A人物B穿插人物A人物B穿插人物A/B心理 動作 語言 表情 心理 動作 語言 表情 無需 環(huán)境 外貌 主題 心理 動作 語言 表
27、情 心理 動作 語言 表情 無需 環(huán)境 外貌 主題 心理 動作 語言 表情 30二、由讀到寫(how to design)1. Classi三、寫(the presentation)字跡工整:_;篇幅充實(shí):_;語言豐富:_;內(nèi)容得體:_;所有字母筆畫分開,f/g/t/i/y做到無勾或短勾;大小、間距適當(dāng)空白橫線剩余一行;或者每一段落續(xù)寫至少7句話無基本語法錯誤;有鏈接詞;有形容詞和副詞;有從句和非謂字跡潦草!10分!符合原文邏輯;情節(jié)向前發(fā)展;體現(xiàn)作者寫作目的31三、寫(the presentation)字跡工整:_四、作業(yè)布置和課外閱讀2. 翻譯下面句子。 A mother is a per
28、son who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. Tenneva Jordan 看到餐桌上有五個人,卻只有四塊餡餅,立即宣布自己從不喜歡餡餅這樣的人就是母親。 特尼瓦喬丹1. 參照本節(jié)課導(dǎo)學(xué)案步驟,尤其按照第三部分(how to write) 的要求,完成所布置的讀后續(xù)寫。32四、作業(yè)布置和課外閱讀2. 翻譯下面句子。 看到餐桌上續(xù)寫導(dǎo)練(五) 閱讀下面短文,根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫,使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。I was t
29、ouched through experiences, memories, books, stories, animals, angels, and most of all other people. People have moved me and molded(對影響重大)me with moments of love and examples of kindness.One time on the day before Christmas many years ago when I was a minimum wage mill(工廠)worker, I found myself wit
30、h very little money and very little time to buy my small children a few simple toys. I knew that they would have to be cheap ones and I hoped my children would like them. I hated not having enough to give them more. I hated being poor. And I hated feeling bad at Christmas rather than happy.I pulled
31、into a store parking lot and counted my money again. It wasnt much but maybe I could get something small with it. As I was getting out of the car I noticed the Salvation Army(救世軍)bell ringer at the entrance. I felt bad again because I didnt feel I could spare anything to give him. I started walking
32、towards the entrance when two cars pulled into empty parking spots in front of me. The first was a shiny, new Cadillac and I felt a twinge of jealousy when I saw it. “How nice,” I thought, “Would it be to have enough money to buy a car like that.” The second car, though, was an ancient sedan(轎車)more
33、 beat-up and rusty than the one I was driving.A man hopped(沖)out of the Cadillac and hurried into the store right past the bell ringer without a second glance. Out of the old sedan came a young mother with three small children in tow(緊隨著). Her clothes looked as worn out as her car, yet she stopped i
34、n front of the bell ringer, smiled, opened her purse, and dropped a bill in his red kettle(錢罐).33續(xù)寫導(dǎo)練(五) 33讀后續(xù)寫的基本步驟一、短文信息定位通過閱讀定位所給短文的核心信息,明確故事的任務(wù),環(huán)境和情節(jié),并概括文章大意。二、劃線詞分類為了方便設(shè)計(jì)情節(jié)時涵蓋劃線詞匯,可以結(jié)合具體材料對劃線詞按照人物,地點(diǎn)、動作情節(jié)和事物(具體和抽象)等分類。三、設(shè)計(jì)第一段的內(nèi)容設(shè)計(jì)在于搭建本段與前文、后文的橋梁。第二部分注意整篇文章的首位呼應(yīng)。四、初稿五、修改34讀后續(xù)寫的基本步驟一、短文信息定位二、劃線詞分
35、類為了方便設(shè)計(jì)一、短文信息定位通過閱讀定位所給短文的核心信息,明確故事的任務(wù),環(huán)境和情節(jié),并概括文章大意。character:time:place : plots(details)the day before Christmas , many years ago a store parking lotthe author, bell ringer, a man owning a Cadilac ,a young mother owning an old car.1.The author was poor and feeling bad.2.the man and the mother resp
36、onded quite differently to the bell ringer.3.35一、短文信息定位character:the day befoSum up the main idea of the passage 1.Many years ago ,The author was a work with a small wage.He felt bad because .2.When he pulled into a store parking lot, he felt bad again because.3.When he walken into the entrance,he f
37、ound a man owning a .,while a young mother. However, they .36Sum up the main idea of the pa二、劃線詞分類kindsunderlined wordscharactersbell ringer childrenthings christmas car purse kettleactions hated pulled into dropped 為了方便設(shè)計(jì)情節(jié)時涵蓋劃線詞匯,可以結(jié)合具體材料對劃線詞按照人物,地點(diǎn)、動作情節(jié)和事物(具體和抽象)等分類。37二、劃線詞分類kindsunderlined wordsch三、設(shè)計(jì)第一段的內(nèi)容設(shè)計(jì)在于搭建本段與前文、后文的橋梁;第二部分注意與整篇文章的首位呼應(yīng)。part 1: part 2:The authors attitude to the man and the motherHis opinions on richness no longer feeling bad and following the mothers example and dropped a bill to the bell ringer.Buying things for his chidren and expecting a merry christmas.38三、設(shè)計(jì)T
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